Coming Out, the Man Inside Me, and seeking Answers

TWWS are you ready? Are you ready? Finally, the People’s Red Head has returned! I want to start out by apologizing for my hiatus but I have had some strange happenings goings on! I am currently recovering from one of the most horrific experiences of my life. It has left me seeking answers and searching to the depths of my soul for the meaning of the whole mess. I am left feeling discombobulated.

It started one morning four weeks ago; I awoke with swelling down below that I have never quite experienced before. This was not the old hey hooked up with a burner and I am proud swelling. This was a deep painful swelling that from first sight, one knew it was going to be the fight of his life. The old antibiotic was not going to cure this inflammation. People, imagine running out of lube 5 minutes into a group orgy that would make eyes wide shut look like a PG movie. My new nickname was to be baby elephant trunk!

The first thing I did was call Domenick, since he is my heart, my soul, my everything. The next thing I did was call the Doctor. However, I did not call just any doctor, I called a specialist. Like everything in this god forsaken city, he was not able to see me until the following week. So I played the waiting game. I iced down below then went and got a prescription from my family doctor. Seven days of misery all for one night of pleasure. I asked myself, why do I take such risks? What am I doing with my life? Will my lower half ever be the same? The agony was killing me. I am sure the agony was comparable to how you all feel when you see me walking amongst you during the day. Well it either felt like that, or perhaps feels like how bad you want to know if my carpet matches the pubes? (What’s it worth to you to find out?)

Finally, my day arrived. I knew I was going to be OK, as I met with the specialist and not just any specialist. Hold the phones people because I met with the one Dr. Thomas Carter, surgeon to all the major sports franchises here in Arizona. I felt so comfortable just being there. He walked in and cracked a couple of witty jokes and introduced himself. We got acquainted; it felt comfortable at first then everything changed. He requested me to pull my pants down. I have not had a man ask me that since the last time Dome had one too many sake bombs at our local watering hole! As I slid my pants off, I could not help to notice eyes bulge. Although he did not say it, precisely at that moment we both knew. He thought I was in great shape and loved what I was working with. We locked eyes and then the unthinkable happened! The doctor began to go down on me. He poked and prodded as he explored the tremendous swelling. I felt an instrument or two scrape across my inner thigh. After about 5 minutes and me tensing up with every touch, explosion! I mean the doctor had a brain explosion as he located the central problem. It felt so good to have him discover me and all the dirty of what is wrong with me.

After our first engagement, we set up a rendezvous to meet again. The meeting left both the doctor and me feeling odd. I could tell he wanted the best for me, because he had an assistant come in and confirm our date before I left. I found this somewhat enticing and hated my self after. I immediately rushed home to try and shower the betrayal off me. What was I feeling? What would I tell Domenick? Am I, nah could never be! Did the doctor treat all his male patients that way? Was he trying to tell me something? Should I wear a tie when I return? OH god! I cannot tell you all the thoughts that ran through my mind during this period of time.

The 3 weeks flew by and before I knew it, it was time. The doctor and I had a special appointment that was scheduled to last the better part of the morning into the early afternoon. I approached the center and checked in. Dr. Carter so excited to see me, called me in 45 minutes early. That is when I knew what we had was quite special. I laid down and he gave me something a little more comfortable to slip into. I was so nervous because the ensemble he had thrown together for me opened from the back! I always pictured my self giving never receiving. I laid there cold and somewhat ashamed, but the curiosity allowed me to overcome all of it. I beam with anticipation; I could not wait for the doctor to come in. Finally, the clock struck 11:30 and I could see him approaching. He hid behind a surgical mask and I knew he wanted to play. As he drew closer, it was like his eyes penetrated right through me. He came up and firmly shook my hand. He put his off hand on my forehead and gently asked me how I was feeling. I gave him the thumbs up sign and he told me that the anesthesia should set in any minute now. That bastard, he drugged me! Yet still, what erotica. I slowly closed my eyes and that last thing I remember was the doctor leaning in for what I assume was a kiss or dirty little secret.

My eyes open and everything was blurry. I awoke but could not speak. Oh the pain I felt was excruciating. I felt like someone stabbed me in back side! My hamstrings and quads were so sore. I did not know how I was going to walk properly. A nurse came over and comforted me; she gave me something for the pain. I asked her where the doctor was and she told me with another patient. That is when I knew I had been used! Damn it all to hell! Why do I have to be a rare ginger fox that walks among the sun? Why did my parents produce a 9.9 mold? I was just another man to the doctor and he already moved on.

I went home about an hour later and was left to just sit and think about what happened while I was under. I took the plunge people. I know some of you experimented back in college, but I was all in. Actually, I should say he was all in. I let another man inside me and he did not even stay to cuddle. Now ladies I know how you feel as I sneak out in the early A.M. On top of that our website is based on the fact we are not gay, and now I had all these questions I had to ask myself. How could I ever look at Dome in the face again? He is my world, what would I tell him.

I sat there and recomposed myself. I had nothing but time due to how rough the doctor was with me, I was in a leg brace. He left me looking like a beat up piece of roast beef! My swelling had not even subsided and he kicked me to the curb. So this is what it is like? Ladies is that what it’s like to have a man inside you? Oh how horrible a feeling, I am glad you all like us men. I felt abandoned and more alone than any point in my life thus far. I ached all over and wondered did he even lube up? I looked at my left leg which I could barely raise and began to cry. Momma told me there would be days like this, momma said, momma said! I lay awake and wonder, all I could do was eat ice cream and phone in my favorite radio station with ditty’s that reminded me of the good doctor who stole my heart. Those ballads included Rick Astley, Steve Winwood, Hewey Lewis, and one I want to share called when you let me inside you.

Inside You

Old as Ancient Skies
I’ve had these wondering eyes
And you took me by surprise when you let me inside of you
Inside of you
Inside of you
There’s got to be
Some part of me
Inside of you
Inside of you, I could cross this desert plane
Inside of you, I can hear you scream my name
Inside of you, while the stars unfold
I’ve crossed me heart and I’ve crossed the world
And I need you here and I need to be
Inside of you
Now the flowers bloom
I feel you creep into my room
And if this should be our tune
I’ll die here inside of you
And the world explodes
I’ve never been down this road
Teach me how to glow
While I’m moving
Inside of you
Inside of you, the restless find their dreams
Inside of you, this king has found his queen
Inside of you, all the stars unfold
I’ve crossed me heart and I’ve crossed the world
And I need you here and I need to be
Inside of you
Inside of you
Bay blue
So say it’s you
To thoughts untrue
Who I woo
It’s you I woo
Through and through
And through and through
There’s so much more than just a screw
Inside of you
And I was blizzard blind
Felt like I’ve lost me mind
But you’ve treated me so kind
I don’t know what to do.

When I get inside you

Anyway it is nice to be back and I am sorry that I was gone for this reason! I do not know what I was thinking. Have any of you ever felt this pain? Have any of you ever been through this with a member of the same sex? Let me know, I need to know that I am not alone. If he is out there, Dr. Carter that is, I want to thank you! Thank you for getting inside me and fixing me. I think I was broken but this experience has made me whole again! By the way the knee is doing great, thank doc! You all did not really think……..

Tags: Experimentation, Guy on Guy, So Straight