I am a huge Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fan. The first season made me giddy between Camille Grammer’s marriage breakdown, Taylor’s puffy lips, an electronic cigarette and the Hilton sisters there was never a dull moment.
So certainly when the news of Russell Armstrong’s suicide broke I didn’t really know how to feel. I certainly am sorry for his daughter and his family, but Bravo decided the show must go on.
So since we are entering the season midway through, let’s recap the antics thus far…
*Disclaimer ~ all opinions expressed here are my own. I am not hear to hurt feelings, simply point out what we are all thinking. Everything discussed here is coming from a fan’s perspective.
The women were asked to address the elephant in the room, Russell Armstrong’s suicide. I hate to say it, but it was pointless. No one seemed to know anything. They were all sitting around presuming what was going on with Russell, but ultimately we learned nothing and it came off as forced. Obviously, none of the women liked him, so beyond being worried about Taylor it just seemed like the Bravo execs way of addressing the issue and then getting back to business as usual.
Now, in a nutshell the rest of the episode went a little like this…Lisa’s apparently the new housewife everyone loves to hate…I guess the Camille/Kyle drama got old and they decided they need a new villain, at least for this first episode.
The Maloof’s had a dinner party, where all the best drama happens on RHBH, and Adrienne and Paul decided to bring the fight to their own table. I have been to dinner parties where a couple is fighting and it’s awkward…exactly how I felt watching their banter. Not funny, just awkward. Their fighting stopped being cute bickering and felt kinda mean and icky.
Then Ken made a comment about therapy, Taylor lost her shizz and went to the bathroom to cry. It was obviously a touchy subject for her at the time.
Kyle said Ken offended her and then Ken lost HIS shizz and let Jiggy drink from his super fancy Maloof cup.
That’s pretty much it except for the awesome preview of the upcoming season where they all look like they go completely ape-crap…AND there is a new addition in the form of Eddie Cibrian’s ex, Brandi Glanville..you know, the one who got dumped for LeAnn Rimes? The women apparently hate her and it looks incredibly great.
The ladies decided to go to Camille’s Colorado mansion for a few days. Poor Camille is having to sell her Colorado digs because, as she explains, her “ex” is not making things easy on her. She will have to resort to living only in her tremendous Malibu estate. I don’t know how she is going to survive. All those rooms she decorated! All the house design she took part in!
So, as a send off to the Colorado castle she is had all the ladies up to spend some “quality” time.
They all flew from LA to an airport on the other side of Colorado. Bravo decided to maximize potential drama time by cooping the ladies up in a limo for 4 hours to see what would happen. Kim got loopy and annoying, talking about everything from her Disney days to mussels. I might have killed her.
When they finally arrived at Camille’s they all got to choose a bedroom, “Real World” style. Then did the mandatory oohing and ahhing over the fabulousness of the house.
The next day they hit the slopes, Lisa wore an enormous fuzzy white hat and was completely upset because no one told her how “ahMAHzing” it was. They all then skied and had cookies.
The episode ended with Taylor and Kyle in a hot tub with Taylor beginning to open up about her life’s troubles.
Kind of a boring episode. Next week looks killer…Taylor, bless her heart, ends up in a suitcase crying. That, my friends, is why I watch.
We pick up right where we left off…Taylor and Kyle in the hot tub…between this week and last Taylor consumed lots of wine and was full on, “having a moment”.
Taylor decided she needed to go wake up sleeping Kim who was exhausted from all the talking and skiing. She needed to tell her how she loved her and was sorry and express all the things that you say to somebody when you’re drunk. Kim was just happy that she was finally acting more rational than someone, albeit a drunk person, but it didn’t matter…she was acting CONSOLING!
Everyone agreed that it was the altitude, the wine, the skinniness…that made Taylor act loony. Cut to Taylor sitting in the closet talking in a weird baby voice.
Kim immediately identified with this behavior and knew what to do…get up! Get dressed! Put on makeup. This would be fine is someone hadn’t STOLEN Taylor’s makeup case! OH MAH GAH! It is a conspiracy! The makeup case is missing and someone is doing it to create drama! Ummm, sorry sister, you are handling that alright all by yourself. Taylor’s forehead has never looked so huge as it did in this scene. I had no idea what she was hiding under those bangs! It was possibly more disturbing then her drunken behavior. I am starting to think that’s why she needed her make up bag so much, there is magic forehead eraser in there.
The ladies all scrambled to find Taylor’s bag of magic and when it reappeared, much like my son’s “missing” sneakers all was well in the world.
Adrienne, always sensibly-boring told her to get it together and eat. Taylor then admitted she doesn’t eat. WHAT?! Are you kidding me? You don’t eat? Who would have guessed? The truth-juice she consumed in the hot tub finally made her say what we were all thinking!
Dinner over, they all go back to LA.
Next Adrienne and Paul fought about going to the King’s game, Adrienne won, duh, so they went. Apparently they were going to pick up Kim, but they called her and she was “sleepy” and “running late”. Paul translated that for those of us that were unsure…she’s drunk.
Next week Glanville makes her appearance and it looks fantastic!
This week started where we left off last, with the Maloofs awaiting the arrival of Kim to board their fabulous private jet. She arrived in rare form…droopy eyes, words slurring. Damn that power outage, it makes people act CRAZY! I don’t know how there wasn’t enough light for her to get dressed, because there’s this cool invention called the sun…don’t know if you’ve heard of it? But luckily she had a neighbor who she never met that let her use their sun…because the power went out on the whole block. Thank God for drug dealers caring neighbors.
On the plane ride to Sacramento Kim apparently didn’t get the memo that this was a tense time for the Maloof’s because she started humping the airplane seat and mock-skiing in the center aisle. Paul was not on board with her antics and I loved the fact that the Bravo producers obviously asked her to go to make for the best odd-couple pairing. Do they really think that we believe that Adrienne and Kim would be friends in real life? Not so much.
Next up was Kyle’s fund raiser for kids with cancer. Luckily she had her “friend” there to send emails for her. WHat would she do without a handy email sender on-hand?
Taylor showed up at her house very angry about a tabloid story. Apparently someone told the press that she was stressed and wasn’t eating. It MUST have been someone who was a trusted friend…or anyone else in the world who has watched the show. I don’t know HOW anyone could tell that she isn’t eating. It’s really an unimaginable, don’cha think?
Finally the fund-raiser day was here and Kyle was visibly frazzled. She started tearing open a packaged piece of artwork with a jagged knife. Thank God for Mauricio and his fabulous face to tell her to calm down!
Everyone ended up showing up to the party, except Kim who was probably nursing a mean Sacramento hangover and Camille who was paddle-boarding in Hawaii.
Brandi Glanville made her appearance about 45 minutes into the show on crutches. Apparently Brandi has been hanging out with Cedric, Lisa’s eternal houseguest from last season, which did not go over well with Ms. Vanderpump. And by the way, who knew Brandi was 12 feet tall? Geez!
During the party Lisa kept cornering Taylor about her shrinking arms. She kept emphasizing that even thought they are not friends Taylor need to come to her mansion and get her act together. I had to side with Taylor on this one. Kinda ballsy of Vanderpump to call her out like that. While Lisa may have been looking out for Taylor, close talking and tough talk didn’t work on our favorite Oklahoman.
Kyle’s fund raiser went off without a hitch and the ladies successfully isolated Brandi. How dare she wear heels with a cast! She MUSt be a horrible person. I have to say that I kinda loved Brandi’s description of her ex Eddie Cibrian. Good stuff.
Next week we have a lunch date where the ladies gang up on Brandi. I will be counting the minutes.