Annnnd, enter Dana, (aka “Two Boobs and a Tiara”)
This is the episode we get to really meet the “New Money” addition to the Housewives. First up was a lunch date with Kyle, Taylor and Dana. The ladies hobbled up her stone driveway only to be greeted by the completely under-dressed Dana. Taylor informs us that Dana really “goes for it” in everything she does, all while I was trying to shield my eyes from the inevitable nip-slip destined to happen from Dana’s sparkly dress.
After Dana decided to get into daytime clothes, we learn that her 18 month old baby should basically be in a think tank somewhere solving the financial crisis. Apparently she has taught him to read, write and speak Thai. I’m not sure when one would ever need to speak Thai, but I’m thinking she got confused and meant to say “Mandarin”. You know, they all sound alike
Dana pretended she was interested in Kyle’s charity and then got the root of the lunch, she needed someone to shop with…now, we’re back on track.
Segue to Lisa at Villa Blanca where apparently she is trying to show she works hard for her money…
She gets approached by Kyle and Kim’s “talent agent” who suggests that she be a correspondent for the Royal Wedding on CNN. Fun idea..now moving along…
Taylor has “lunch” with Brandi, who I thought I was gonna hate, but kinda like. They commiserate about divorce, therapy and cheating exes…all while pushing their food around to make it seem like they’re eating.
Next we pop in on Kim who honestly needs to get a job. She was dusting her pictures, while the housekeeper watched. With every picture she dusted she went on to tell a completely irrelevant and strange back-story for each. The housekeeper looked like she was about to fall asleep, wishing that Kim would just go back to the Disney lot so she could get on with her day.
This episode finished up with a backyard BBQ, Maloof-style. All the ladies came out wearing their backyard best. And then there was Dana in her python-diamond gold-sunglasses. And if you didn’t hear, they cost $25,000. Totally reasonable.
Kyle acted offended and judgy and it made me not like her. Give Brandi a break, Kyle. Seriously. Brandi made some awkward comments about the male genitalia and all the ladies acted like they had never heard such harsh language before. I felt for Brandi. I’ve BEEN Brandi. Sticking my foot in my mouth is basically my middle name.
However, next week looks epic. Brandi calls Kim out for being hammered and the ladies all lose their shizz. Can’t wait!