Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap ~ Episode 7

This episode picked up exactly where the last left off.  The women were all still at the Game Night from hell.  Kyle and Kim were still pointing at Brandi, Dana was clutching Taylor and Camille was sitting trying to avoid eye contact at all costs, just happy to not be the focus of Kyle’s wrath.


Kyle kept harping on and on about Brandi’s boy peeing on the lawn and in essence questioning Brandi’s parenting skills.  I think she took it too far.  As a mother of only girls, she should keep her trap shut about little boys, because trust me, she doesn’t get it.  I am officially over Kyle and her weird lips.

The pot bubbled over when in a moment of clarity anger Brandi countered Kyle’s bad-parenting accusations by saying  that Kim was in the bathroom doing “crystal meth” all night.  I have to say that I kinda laughed.  I am sure I shouldn’t have and that crystal meth addicts have feelings too, but I thought it was funny.  Sue me.  The Richards sisters lost their crap upon mention of crystal meth and wanted to physically duel Brandi.  I scooted to end of my chair ready to see some extensions fly…but just in the nick of time Taylor jumped in splitting up the WWE match.

“WE ARE CLASSY LADIES!”  “WE DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE THIS!”,  she yelled.  I really hate to break it to her, but all classiness was lost Season 1, Episode 2.

Anyway, this brought the party to a halt and everyone scattered.  Except Brandi, who could go nowhere because Kim had maturely hid her crutches.  Again, keeping it classy.

And then Dana officially ended the evening, by awkwardly trying to get Kyle and the other girls to go on a “healthy” vacation together.  No one bit.  She kept pushing the issue by saying super random and desperate things like, “That’s what we always do for each other.” Over and over and over.  Who?  When?  She has clearly forgotten that she just met Kim an hour ago and Kyle a few days before.

I think Dana THINKS she is a Richard’s sister.  Like she has lost the ability to distinguish from dreamland and reality.  Possibly wearing too much Paris Hilton cologne can make your brain cells wonky, but it’s super awkward that she she is talking about she will always be there for them…kinda Single White Female-ish.  The girls need to stay vigilant because those $25,000 sunglasses could easily double as a weapon. I’m serious…they’d better watch out because she might soon be wearing their skin while stroking Taylor’s hair telling her to put the lotion on it.

 

Next up we had Adrienne walking across the street to Lisa’s house.  The homes really don’t stop boggling my mind…they are all so close to each other, but so enormous!  Ok, anyway, Adrienne walked into Kyle and Lisa already chatting.  Conversation quickly turned to the game night and Lisa and Adrienne heard Kyle’s version of the story.  Again, Kyle went on and on about the peeing incident.  Thank God for Adrienne.  She’s like “Yeah, my boys have probably done that too.”  The end Kyle.

Taylor and Brandi met up for another “lunch” where Brandi ate and Taylor watched.  Nothing came of this meeting except Taylor telling Brandi she needed to apologize.  I don’t have any idea why no one is saying the same to Kyle.  Am I wrong here?

The moment I had been waiting for came next… Lisa and Pandora’s wedding planner.  Bless his heart.  Now, I am not from Beverly Hills, so the fact that people like this actually exist is hard to wrap my brain around.  I thought that Martin Short’s famous depiction of a flamboyant wedding planner in Father of The Bride was pure fiction.  Not so much.  Not only is he a real life person, not a robot or a hologram, he is apparently THE BEST…according to Lisa.

He had a vision for the wedding, which did NOT include pink on the dress, and kept saying “Chi, Chi, Chi” which made me uncomfortable for reasons I don’t quite understand.

There was some episode-filler drama about how Kyle and Kim are still at odds and Kyle bought out Kim’s portion to their mother’s house blah blah.  Another scene where Adrienne and Kim went walking through a neighborhood together seemed very odd to me also.  I think Bravo cut out all the Taylor and Russell segments and are  left to fill space with boring walks and Kim’s rambling interviews with her highly distracting high-necked, bowed shirt.

There was then a fund raiser hosted my Camille raising money for breast cancer.  It was about as nice of a moment that you will see on RHOBH.  Camille’s speech was a little warbly, but as she reminded us, even the BEST actors have trouble speaking in front of large audiences.  Oh, Camille, ever so modest.

The ladies, including Brandi, were all set to sit together at a table at the charity event…which put Brandi and Kyle within fork throwing distance of each other.  They all ignored one another, until Lisa got a little bored and wanted to see some action.  She kept trying to get Kyle to say something to Brandi, and when Kyle declined she decided she would take matters into her own hands…”Brandi, where do you live?”  Brandi, “Off of Mulholland”.  The end.   That was it.  Uh, yeah, good one Lisa.

 

So there you have it…the episode in a nutshell.  Next week looks like we are gearing up for a spa day thrown by Adrienne.  It looks awesome.  I wish I were one of her friends.

 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs every Monday on Bravo at 9/8 central.

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Comments

  1. 1

    Love the Silence of The Lambs reference… dark humor, very funny!

  2. 2
    Hayley says:

    This is definitely my guilty pleasure show, and my favorite RH series since I’m a California girl and I like to pretend my life is similar enough that I can relate (it’s not.)
    Regardless, I really think this whole “crystal meth” thing is ridiculous…but maybe Brandi is onto something about Dana and certainly about Kim. Face it: Kim is like the rich Boomhower from King of the Hill. You never know what the hell that woman is saying, and she’s always flailing her arms and weirdly side-swoopy hair in every which direction to emphasize a point that doesn’t exist. And then there’s Dana, whose house, while large, is uncomfortably awkward and shoddily decorated. Guess that’s what happens when you’re spending money on Valentino get-ups and $25,000 sunglasses… AND CRYSTAL METH.

  3. 3
    Hayley says:

    The feeling’s mutual. Too bad we don’t live closer so we can do some crystal meth and truly enjoy the possibilities this show could offer if we got on the character’s levels.

  4. 4

    LOVE your recaps. I liked it when Dana was going on and on to Kyle about “That’s what we’ve always been about,” and Kyle just looked at her and said “Who?” Hysterical!

  5. 5
    Marie says:

    You nailed it with the Wedding Planner “dude” being Martin Short!!! What the heck?? Maybe it WAS Martin Short and they’re just trying to bring some MORE drama to the show. I really want to know how much of this stuff is “reality” and how much is “added drama”, but I’m a junkie nonetheless! Loved reading your synopsis, and LOVE your cookiesandcups blog (although my hips are hating you for it!)

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