Cover your eyes people!
This episode was about as scandalous as I have ever seen on any installment of The Real Housewives…there were nekkid butts, pumping, grinding and awkward girl on girl dancing.
Ok, so we start with Taylor and her BFF Lisa eating lunch together at, where else? Villa Blanco.
Taylor (sans eye makeup) recapped the throw down at Brandi’s Malibu party to Lisa the best she could remember…which was very little because she claims she doesn’t remember anything. “Allegedly” she only consumed 2 glasses of wine…ahem…and says she completely blacked out the evening, except for all the parts she remembers.
Lisa looks very concerned about her emotionally unstable “friend” but goes on to order a glass of wine and talk about Kyle’s splits and Vegas. So, yeah…
Next we get to pop in on the B team. Camille invited Brandi and DeDe over for drinks and to talk on her impeccably manicured porch. They vaguely recap the belly dancing party agreeing that Taylor was completely to blame and adding commentary on how odd it is that Lisa and Taylor are now besties. Umm, just like Brandi and Camille are now besties? Just an observation.
It seems as though the “other ladies”: Camille, Brandi and Dana have been invited to Vegas by Adrienne THE EXACT SAME WEEKEND as Pandora’s Bachelorette party. What a strange coincidence. Duel Vegas trips, kinda like a Brittany/Justin dance-off.
Now to the filler portion of the episode:
Adrienne and Paul appear on The Doctors, which is a show I don’t watch because it’s boring and so was this whole Paul/Adrienne segment. Power couple, Power couple, Power couple…they bicker, Paul’s hungry. Moving on…
Lisa and Pandora went shopping for her wedding dress and the highlight of this was watching Giggy weirdly moving about on a couch wearing an odd looking onesie. He looked like the dog version of Wee Willy Winky. It was kinda creepy.
Next we all get bored to tears watching Kyle and Faye shop for chandeliers. Really Bravo? That’s what you’re giving me? Most interesting part was when Faye dropped a chandelier and it broke. That’s all I got.
Both suites were very Vegas-y with an air of sleaze permeating through the television. Dana, Brandi, Camille and DeDe are Team Adrienne, while on the other side of the strip Taylor, Pandora and nameless Bridesmaids were Team Lisa.
Dana of course showed everyone that she was wearing a million dollar necklace/lollipop holder. I wish I were kidding.
Lisa took the group to dinner and a Chippendale’s show. The ladies apparently got VIP passes and were able to go backstage to witness firsthand the glamorous locker room of the Chipmunks. There were resistance bands, body oil and socks that go on their private parts. I will not write the word for them, although Bravo had no issue with saying the “C” word again and again and again.
All the ladies watched the dancers grind and pump on stage. Their nekkid rear ends were given just about as much air time as Dana…sorry Dana. The ladies got pulled on stage to do unwatchable lap dances and Lisa never let Pandora have a moment. This was the Lisa and the Chipmunks show.
We hop over to Rain, the club at The Palms, where Camilla and Brandi were dirty dancing with each other. It was gross and creepy and that has nothing to do with Brandi’s huge pit stains.
The next day we head back to LA where Kyle is helping Estella shop for a dress for her “Annual White Party”. She takes Estella to a consignment shop and continues to call the clothes vintage. She convinces Estella on a dress that looks horrendous on her, obviously wanting her to look like The Lady in the Water.
Kim conveniently shows up and is clearly a mess. On a good note she seemed sober, but she was having a breakdown. It seems that the new love in her life, Troll-Ken, is not jiving with her kids. Kyle listens and tries her best to console her sister. It was a real moment and completely heart breaking.
Next week it looks like there is some Brandi/Kim and Russell drama at the “White Party”. Can’t wait!