The infamous white party.
The reappearance of Ken the Troll.
Jen from Sober House.
Kim on drugs.
Fight by a limo.
These are the ingredients to a reality show, my friend.
The episode opened to Paul fumbling around with the fax machine. People don’t fax anymore Paul, so don’t even bother trying to figure it out. Where is Chef Bernie when you need him? Adrienne walks in Paul’s office and tells him that she needs to talk to him and that he has to “listen”. Anyone with a husband knows that you need to specifically ask for the listening part, because otherwise they will sit there and stare at you not hearing one single word.
Adrienne goes on to tell Paul that Russell has sent Camille an email threatening to sue her for spilling the beans on his and Taylor’s (abusive) relationship. Paul goes in and out of consciousness, but stays aware enough to respond at all the right moments, saying, “ridiculous” and, “can’t believe that” right on cue. He and my husband must read from the same play book.
They both question whether or not they should attend Kyle’s “white party” for fear that they would be litigated against as well.
Russell and his emails…really odd, doncha think?
Next we pop into an impromptu Mariachi concert being put on in Lisa’s living room by a potential band for Pandora’s wedding.
I have to say that I was caught off-guard. Lisa and Kevin (wedding planner and chi chi chi bandit) kept talking about over-the-top versus elegance, when “the band” showed up. What we got from the musicians was neither elegant or over the top. I felt like I was sitting at Pancho’s Mexican Buffet, raising my flag to be served another round of Chimichangas. It was all very confusing, especially when the Lisa tried to channel her inner Charo, declaring how much she loved “Latino” music.
When Pandora’s fiance asked the pianist to try to sing something a little more “Motown” I almost spit my Diet Dr. Pepper out. What he got in return was the nice lady singing a song that it seemed she was making up the lyrics as she went. I guess that’s what they do in Motown? All I could think about as she sang were Garth and Kat and how they might ask her to be a part of their next Weekend Update segment.
Now the day of the “white party” has arrived and we finally see Kyle in regular girl clothes! I was so happy! She had on baggy jeans, a white T-shirt with visible back fat and Ugg slippers. High five Kyle for keeping it realio.
Adrienne called Kyle and informed her of Russell’s lawsuit email which started Kyle on a downward spiral for the night. I felt bad for her, because throwing a party is hard enough, but throw Crazy Kim, Troll Ken, Russell and a potential lawsuit in the mix you have a lot on your plate. Luckily she had Mauricio waiting in the wings to direct her to the party planner. HUSBANDSAREALLTHESAME!!!
We pop in on Kim having breakfast with her daughters who clearly think Troll Ken is a joke. One of her daughters spots what clearly looked like an engagement ring, which Kim tried to play off as a “Promise Ring”. Hmmmm. Maybe Ken”promised to take a break from his troll duties and stay far away from the bridge he crawled out from under.”
*disclaimer* I know I am mean to Ken. I judge him solely on his looks and his weird personality. It also seems that he is a bit of an enabler in Kim’s “alleged” substance abuse issues. Just my opinion, so my troll humor will most likely not wane.
Finally it’s time for the arrivals to the white party. What will all the guests wear!? Um, right. White.
Brandi and Sober House Jen arrive together, arm in arm, and I am anxious to again vigilantly watch and see if Sober House Jen pops a brewski. Just keepin’ her honest.
When Lisa arrives, Kyle quickly pulls her to the side to discuss the drama potential in allowing Taylor and Russell to come to the party. The women go on to argue over who will be more embarrassed at turning Taylor away. She’s MY best friend! NO! She’s MINE! I have known her LONGER! Well I went to VEGAS with her…
I enjoyed the arguing, but kept getting distracted by Lisa’s faux hair. It was approximately 3 shades darker than her real hair and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I was expecting one of Troll Ken’s mythical creature friends to come crawling out and sing a Disney song.
When Kim and Troll Ken finally arrived, Kim was in rare form. She declared that she looked like a hippie with all her jewelry and Ken, well…he obviously raided his college-aged nephew’s closet for whatever he had that was white and threw it all on together.
Dana made a 20 second appearance jabbering away at how Kim needs love and then pulls out weirdball pictures of Brandi and her. Way to milk your 20 seconds, girl! Camille came over to say hello to Kim and talked to her like she was 3 years old, slow and in small words. Kim pretended to understand what she was saying and just kept flailing her ponytail around to distract from her droopy eyes and slurred speech.
Kim was able to verbalize that she didn’t want to see Brandi (over and over and over) so in the next scene, where do we find Kim? Confronting Brandi.
Brandi held her composure while Kim blabbed on about game night. I know she was completely high on game night, so she clearly can’t remember how big of a jerk she was to Brandi. Her take on the night was comical, at best, and I thought Brandi handled herself perfectly. Sober House Jen stood by watching the whole confrontation, but said nothing.
Finally Kyle came in and split it up, and Kim was like, “yeah, I’m done…but my DAUGHTER wants to talk to you now.” TROLL KEN!! Help your woman out!! It was all sad. Sad, sad, sad.
We then cut to Taylor and Russell hopping in a cab RIGHTOFFTHEPLANEFROMVEGAS! And Holy Feathers Batman! There is a peacock somewhere that is feeling the chill of the air tonight! I watch as Russell and Taylor make fake googly eyes at each other and talk about how Russell is now a “good boy”. After I vomit I hear Russell saying something to the effect of he’s going to drink a whole bottle of vodka and have a really good time. Again, totally normal behavior.
When they arrive at the party the drama peaks. Poor Taylor, looking thinner than ever, walks up to the house only to be greeted by the entire gang.
Kyle tries to explain the situation, on how they don’t feel comfortable with Russell coming due to all the lawsuit talk. Taylor fakes surprise over the “lawsuit email” and Kyle is obviously upset. Then everyone starts talking over each other like they are on The View. Finally Taylor snidely says that they will leave and Kyle runs after them to try and explain.
Here’ my issue. Where’s Mauricio? He can see his wife is visibly distraught, why didn’t he step in and ask them to leave? Finally, Paul manned up and told them to go. Bravo Paul. Mauricio, take charge man!
And that was it.
Next week the gang goes to Hawaii, I am assuming sans Taylor and Russell. Love vacation episodes. DO you think they’ll find a Tiki idol?