Let me start out this season by saying that I completely agree with Shelly’s post last week–Ben was definitely NOT my top choice as the Bachelor.
But in all honesty, I watch for the women. They are a hot mess of crazy, just begging to be judged. And I am up for the task.
This week’s episode started in Ben’s hometown of Sonoma. As the women excitedly boarded the plane that would take them to their destination, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at all the cute, zany “friends in sweat pants” snapshots that were flashing across my screen. Sure girls, cute it up and play slumber party, but you’re going to be crying and clawing each other’s eyes out by the end of the episode.
Tension began building with the arrival of the first “Date Card”…which was addressed to Kacie B, the cute girl from Tennessee.
Naturally, Courtney (the model) was NOT happy and made that fact well known. However, Kacie remained excited and joined Ben for a tour of Sonoma, where they walked around the quaint downtown and did a bit of light shopping.
Compared to most of the other girls, I like Kacie B. I do. But…the fact that she declared that Ben “brought out a side of me I haven’t shown anyone in a long long time”…just hours into their date annoyed me. Really? An hour in the old timey candy shop and you’re baring your soul?
It didn’t help that Ben was rocking a vest on their date. Not a good choice, Ben…not a good choice.
After more bonding, baton twirling, and dinner, Ben and Kacie B were treated to a surprise show, which turned out to be home videos of them as kids. As soon as the videos started, I cringed, knowing that the producers probably scored video of Ben’s dad, whose passing 5 years ago has had a huge emotional impact on him. Sure enough, the video started, Ben cried, Kacie comforted him…and the producers manipulation was complete.
The date ended with a kiss and a rose for Kacie B, who drifted home in a cloud of Bachelor Ben Bliss.
Meanwhile, at the Bachelor Bunny Pad, the group date card arrived. It was the usual mix of emotions– girls who are happy to be included and girls who are distraught over being denied a one on one date. There were the usual, “I’m not here to go on a date with a bunch of girls, I’m here FOR BEN” remarks. Although if we’re being honest, these girls signed on long before it was announced who the Bachelor would be.
You’re here to get famous ladies. Let’s just be real and move on, hmmm??
Lots of crazy shenanigans ensued on the group date, but Blakeley, the VIP Cocktail Waitress was the stand out star. Well, that and her enormous cleavage which was hanging out of her outfit. She called it a romper, but I’m pretty sure it was a onsie I saw baby Suri wearing a few seasons ago.
The date started with the girls putting on a play where they acted out characters that varied from a weasel, a gingerbread man, and a pig. You know…normal date stuff. They then retired to a pool/jacuzzi for the evening, because that is what all people do after playing a weasel in a play. Duh.
Like any date with eleven women in a jacuzzi, things quickly got heated. Blakeley, being the classy VIP Cocktail Waitress that she is, became obsessed with being given a rose. Part of her victory plan was to constantly “steal Ben away”, where she would either make out with him or guzzle wine while she toasted herself and her “many blessings”.
And in case you didn’t know, “blessings” is apparently VIP Cocktail Waitress talk for “giant boobs”.
In classic Bachelor behavior, Ben made out with nice girl Jennifer (who feels at home in Sonoma and could REALLY see herself living there), but decided on giving the rose to Blakeley. I guess those boobie toasts worked after all.
Back at the house, the last Date Card arrived and (shocker!!) it was addressed to Courtney the Model.
Kacie B intercepted the Date Card and read it to the girls, and when Courtney heard the words “Spin the Bottle,” she asked Kacie how that felt coming out of her mouth. She then proceeded to say how much she and Ben would be “making out” and just acted obnoxious, disgusting, and sleazy in general. Not a fan.
Courtney and Ben’s date mostly consisted of them driving and walking around with his dog. Once again, Ben’s wardrobe was a winner, especially his uncomfortably low cut for a man t-shirt, and his black almost shorts/almost capris. Courtney was completely sweet and charming, to the point that Ben wondered if she was, “too good to be true”. Foreshadowing, perhaps? Of course, they kissed a lot and Ben closed the night by giving her a rose.
The Rose Ceremony was the next evening and the women were anxious. Lindzi (the girl who arrived on a horse), worried that she was losing momentum since she hadn’t gotten a date with Ben. She pulled him aside during the cocktail party and began to explain to him that she is not “like other women” because she “rides a tractor” and “dirt is her usual make-up”. This is the classic “snag a man by constantly talking about how low maintenance I am” trick. I like Lindzi okay, but someone needs to tell her that no man is thrilled when his wife has mud on her face.
Unless it’s a pore minimizing mask that will wash off.
Blakeley (aka Jugs), never one to step aside and take a flirt break, once again decided to steal the Cocktail Party Show. She shamelessly and aggressively stole Ben from conversations with the other girls, not letting the fact that she HAS a rose and is thus SAFE deter her. The tension in the room built, and blogger Jenna crumpled under the pressure. At one point, Jenna pulled Ben aside to make her feelings clear, only to blurt out what I understood to be a new language consisting of sounds and panicked facial expressions. She then slunk away to her room to hide under the covers, defeated.
Meanwhile, a dangerous mix of unlimited wine, low calorie diets, uncomfortable heels and Jug’s sleazy behavior started to brew an uprising. Sensing hostility from the other girls, Blakeley decided that the logical thing to do would be to hide in the closet behind the suitcases. Ben, after getting wind of the drama, went and found her and reassured her of their connection. He then left the room to go talk to other women while Blakeley continued to sip wine while crouched behind someone’s suitcase.
Finally the Rose Ceremony began, complete with over exaggerated facial expressions of anguish and relief. As always, the camera panned over the faces of several women who I am sure I never saw. Does the Bachelor show use extras? Who was that?!
The following women were awarded a rose:
Blogger Jenna was not awarded a rose. Shocker.
Next week’s episode promises mad drama, as one of Ben’s ex-girlfriends shows up to vie for his affections and several ladies threaten to quit.
I’ll be watching!
**The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC at 8/7 central.