Ok, Michelle has the True Blood gig for the season. Sound good? Seems like you guys liked her recap of Episode 1, so let’s talk Episode 2…
Oddly, Episode Two seemed to have even more set up than Episode One – heavy on all the behind the scenes at Authority HQ. A lot still happened, but not quite at the fast pace of last week – but hopefully that’ll be it and we’ll be off and running going forward.
Back at Sookie’s where Tara is about to have her inaugural meal via Miss Stackhouse, Pam begrudgingly uses her “I am your Maker card” to make sure Tara doesn’t literally eat Sookie and Lafayette and throws Tara into the house – pretty taking a whole new approach to hands-off mothering when she leaves and tells them ‘Good Luck Kiddos’. Now, in the summer when I was a kid, my mom would tell us to go play and she didn’t WANT us in the house til the street lights were on when we drove her crazy after the first week of summer vacation – but I think Pam’s method takes this to a whole new level.
(Then – as usual – the opening credits which after 5 seasons continue to skeeve me out. This is normally when I get up to get some (more) ice cream. One day I hope they’ll change the montage, but I guess I’ll have to wait for Season 6 for my next chance – and continue to be forced to eat lots of ice cream.)
We see Bill, Nora, and Eric escorted out of the armored van at the secret Authority headquarters. When they are met by Salome, and Bill looks at her with hooded eyes and drawls “Ahnd you ahhhhh?”(Sookie who??) I was like yep – they’re going to have sexy-time at some point. We’ll see. She takes them down to reception where a painting over the main area totally looks like one of those paintings with eyes that followed you from the Scooby Doo cartoons. The three are then thrown into cells awaiting their fate.
And back to the feast at Zombieland (otherwise where we left off with Sam, Luna, and the crazy wolfpack), the pack members are trying to insist that Alcide is their packmaster now since he murdered Marcus. When he refuses this, they continue to argue with him and he walks away. Don’t they know he is a very busy man and he has some other obligations to attend to – like going to hit the talk show circuit to promote the FANTABULOUS movie that is Magic Mike?
Sam and Luna leave the site only to have a fight at her place later after Mama Martha shows up wanting to see Emma so her granddaughter can have a connection to her pack (let’s take the grandbaby for ice cream as a great snack after eating Marcus!!!) Because, as she reminds them, Emma will have to change someday. (As always, True Blood is so subtle with their foreshadowing). Sam pretty much takes Martha’s side after she leaves – because Sam KNOWS what crazy family is all about – and Luna loses it. Maybe Martha drives Luna mad because Martha talks as if she has an aversion to consonants. Or the anesthesia hasn’t worn off from her root canal. Anyways -love Sam and his big heart – but totally siding with Luna on this one. Later on, Luna hears commotion coming from Emma’s room after Sam leaves – and Luna opens it up to see a Beanie Baby husky staring back at her.
Totally LOVING the jammies too! I guess it’s not right that I want to totally adopt Husky Emma? Maybe Alcide would want to come over and help me with her. WIN-WIN for me!!!
Arlene wakes up with Terry hovering over their bed dreaming about “what happened that night” in flashbacks in Iraq. Lots of fire, yelling, and chaos – and we’re not given much else at this point – and even less in the following scene when Arlene wearing her best blinged out Wet Seal ensemble goes to Patrick and reminds him that “she’s got keeeeds (kids)” and wants more information when Terry confronts them. Patrick and Terry have a corps member that could be starting all of the fires, and Terry knows where they can find him. I am still not sold on this story line, but I do enjoy Terry and Arlene’s twang, so let’s see how it goes.
Back at Sookie’s Kitchen of Horrors – Tara is tearing that abused kitchen UP and perches on the edge of the sink like a Cirque du Soleil contortionist when she is done throwing her hissy fit. So much for all that restoration work Eric had done after the Maenad destroyed everything when Sookie was in Fairyland. (I will never get to type a sentence as awesome as that again). To be truthful, I am really surprised Tara is so angry – SAID NO ONE EVER.
When Sookie tells Lala “Grabb’er!” – he looks at her like she had lost her everlovin’ mind. He walks delicately over to offer some True Blood to Tara like someone would offer a raw steak to a wild tiger that got loose. Except I think the tiger would have more range in their emotions than Tara has right now. I know Rutina Wesley (Tara) is a classically trained actress and all, but surely she will be able to emote more than “I am really pissed off” at some point.
Eventually Lafayette and Sookie figure out how to subdue Tara and put her in the cubby before the sun comes up when Lafayette cuts his arm and tells her “Hoooka Drink!” and Sookie comes up behind her with silver chains. With the price of silver as high as it’s ever been and a single James Avery is more than $50 now, am I the only one who wonders how much that chain cost? The next day Sookie goes to ‘The Stake House’ – a survivalist anti-Vampire shop. Stackhouse goes to the Stakehouse. Ha. She buys what looks like one of those automatic air fresheners that you see a lot in offices– but this has liquid silver in it. This – as the creepy clerk told Sookie – would convince a vampire to instead “Go eat your neighbor” once sprayed with it on the front porch. And I thought I had some cruddy neighbors. Of all the things there, this was the best purchase? Didn’t seem to work too well when Tara escapes after telling them she will never forgive them the next night after Sookie prevented Lala from staking her out of guilt. She insisted that “Tara IS in there” to stop him – and I kept thinking that nope, I’d need more to convince me to not stake her.
When we get to see (not enough of) Andy and Jason together talking about relationships, (Andy: “Stackhouse, I had sex” – Jason: “Welcome to the club!”) they come upon Debbie Pelt’s abandoned car and a full vial of V. I was so worried that Andy or Jason would take us down that dreary path again, but gladly Andy reluctantly gave it over to Jason and he emptied it. Good. Enough with that storyline. Back at the station when Andy tells Kenneth (best Gomer Pyle voice since Gomer Pyle) to dismiss the ticket for that shady Judge Clemmons, Jason is confronted with an upset son whose mother Jason slept with that Jason recognizes as ‘Crazy Sharon – but crazy in a good way!!’ he tells the boy. Andy asks him if he’s slept with every woman in Bon Temps, and Jason earnestly answers “I dunno – close I guess”. Those two need their own show. ( Alcide can pop in as well as a guest star)
Pam is back at Fangtasia and we see the flashbacks to the beginning of Pam’s and Eric’s relationship in the early 1900s when she was a madam and Eric saved her from a serial killer on the loose. He licks his fingers of the blood with his hands spread out like jazz hands from a Fosse musical, but makes it look much cooler than it sounds.
At Jessica’s Party Central Pad – Steve Newlin shows up and shuffles in the door doing the best white man overbite ever in a sweater that would make 1980’s Bill Cosby proud.
He tries to bribe Jessica with $10,000 – eventually $20,000 for Jason. Jessica leads him on and we never really believe she would do it. She throws Steve out of the house after they tussle a little and he pulls her hair like a little girl – and he’s laughing gleefully as he’s thrown out. Yep – two weeks in a row and still my new favorite. He must know something is going on with Bill because he did manage to let Jessica know that Bill is NOT still the king.
Back at Authority Central, after they have UV tortured the three in their cells for a little bit, the genteel vampire Dieter Braun starts interrogating Bill. I wonder if the Voltaire from Twilight know one of their very own is moonlighting?
While Salome and Dieter torture Bill and Eric with silver forced into their veins, Eric and Bill hold firm. Their solidarity is refreshing and once all the Authority backstory is out of the way – I do look forward to their adventures this season.
In the Guardian of the Authority, Roman’s (Chris Meloni), presence, we learn that vampires have an ancient text older than the Old Testament – and the original creation was not Adam or Eve – but Lilith – a vampire God made in his image. Again – my mind wanders, and I think – ok – I can see that. I can see Lilith being a pasty, cold hearted vampire.
After a lot of ceremony and chanting, Roman questions Bill and Eric about Nanner’s death (“No Prize – but she was Authority”), their beliefs, and pretty much shames and intimidates them during the whole scene. Bill’s serious and thoughtful responses and Eric’s disrespectful retorts to the questioning are pitch perfect. They are even wearing their requisite character clothing – Eric showing a little he-vage in a V neck and Bill in his distressed henley.
At the last minute, Bill bargains for their lives to deliver Russell Edgington to the Authority– much to Roman’s and the chancellors’ surprise. As Eric explains in fabulous detail they only buried him because they wanted him to suffer: “He pissed me off. Then I pissed him off. You know how these things go”. Well sure.
We are left with gurgling and slurping sounds and a close up of a wheezing Russell with rivers of blood etched on his face with strewn bodies and body parts all around him as his nourishment to get better. I will not lie, I totally paused it and looked for some hidden writing on his face to see if there was anything cool secretly provided by the makeup department in all of the lines on his face, but alas, I saw nothing.
But good news, Russell is closer to being back to his over the top self, and hopefully Eric and Bill will soon get down to the business of looking awesome while they go hunt down Russell!