Which means another season of Big Brother.
Big Brother is a summer ritual in my house. It helps me get through the July-August in between episodes of America’s Got Talent and…well..what else is on?
Kristan and I decided that since Big Brother is on 3 times a week, if we wrote recaps of each episode, we would not only be strapped to our computers, but probably wouldn’t have enough time to post at our other sites, shop or make meals for our families. And really, shopping is not up for negotiation.
So let’s start.
Week one is in the bag and LOTS happened.
I will start at the beginning.
Let’s meet this season’s house-guests:
Shane: We meet Shane first on a construction site in Vermont. He is a “house flipper” and does a sweet “cabbage patch” dance move when he told he’s going to the BB house.
Danielle: She’s a nurse from Alabama and her big game move is to tell people that she’s a kindergarten teacher instead of a nurse. Umm…kay? Oh yeah, and to pack her Daisy Duke shorts.
Frank: He’s a professional beach sitter-upper from Naples, FL…and mildly resembles Carrot Top.
Jodi: A newlywed, stepmom who likes to be active by running marathons and spinning all while looking like she does none of those things. Like an under-cover exerciser.
Ian: A little nerdy guy who like chemistry and goes to Tulane. He is a BB historian and likes to remind us all that he’s been watching since he’s 10.
Wil: A Fabio-looking, self proclaimed, “Southern Gay” from Louisville, KY
JoJo: She’s from Staten Island, of course. She must have gotten confused and thought she was trying out for Snookie’s job on Jersey Shore.
Willie: Russell from Survivor’s brother. And he’s going to pretend that he’s not, despite the fact that he looks, talks and acts exactly like Russell from Survivor. Even when he introduced himself he didn’t change that fact that he was from Louisiana. Obviously he’s not from Wisconsin, but maybe say Mississippi or something. Just a thought.
Kara: Kara is a model from LA. And she likes to do hand-stands in bikinis.
Joe: Joe’s a personal chef from Indiana and likes to do fancy cooking like setting his roof on fire, for added flair. He plans on turning slop into a fine dining experience.
Jenn: She’s a heavy metal rocker chick from Brooklyn. She is also Vin Diesel’s long lost sister. Just kidding.
Ashley: Ashley’s a spray tan consultant and although she acts “air headish” she says she went to a “Big 10″ school. I think she might have misspoke and meant “Big Mac” but I could be wrong.
When the house-guests arrive to the BB house, Julie fills them in on this season’s twist…which is they are bringing back 4 past house-guests who will coach them.
The coaches are: Dan (BB 10), Janelle (BB 6 and BB All Stars), Britney (BB12) and Mike Boogie (BB 2 and All Stars).
The coaches pick teams and here is how it ended up:
Team Dan: Jodi, Danielle and Kara
Team Janelle: Ashely, Joe and Wil
Team Britney: Shane, Willie and JoJo
Team Boogie: Frank, Ian and Jen
Dan’s team is clearly the underdog. Their first challenge was for HoH, and Britney’s team pulled it off.
Another twist was that the losing team had to evict a player right then and there. Dan got rid of the undercover athlete, Jodi, because “she didn’t seem to get along as well with the other girls”. Which translates to “she didn’t look as good in a bikini as the other girls.
Episode 2 opens up to Mike Boogie wanting to “Will it up with Dan”, which means team up to those not in the know.
On the other side of the house Janelle and Britney decide that they will team up. Both of these pairings seems kind of obvious.
We get to go up and see Willie’s HoH room, which looks pretty much exactly the same as every other HoH room in BB history. Ian tells everyone that he is “mad jelly” of the HoH room, and then proceeds to try and scare everyone by walking around without his shirt on, and boxer shorts for the rest of the day. What he forgets is that there are cameras everywhere and as he walks through the house, flexing his muscles in the mirrors, dancing, tip-toe walking and hiding under random beds, is that everyone in the HoH room is watching. Watching and judging.
Finally after 3 whole hours of keeping his secret, Willie decides to tell Janelle, Britney and JoJo that he is, indeed, Russell’s brother. They all look fake-surprised and move along with a giant yawn.
Willie has a chat with Frank telling him that they are solid and that Frank won’t be nominated. Frank gets confident, which we all know is the death of you in the BB house and tells Boogie that he is for-sure safe, and that Willie is going to nominate Ian.
Next up we have the coach’s competition…this allows the winning coach the ability to grant “safety” to one of their players. It’s basically a “pull the flag” type situation, but it wouldn’t be Big Brother if there weren’t humiliating costumes involved.
Boogie wins the competition and saves Ian…throwing Willie’s plan into a tizzy. All the coaches end up having to nominate one of their players to be a “have-not” for the week, as well and Britney nominates Shane, Dan nominates Danielle, Janelle nominates Ashely and Boogie nominates Ian. The have-not room this year is basically like living in a Scooby Doo-zombie eye, with diamond plated beds. Not so comfy.
Chef Joe decided to cook for the entire house every day which, instead of making him friends, makes people angry, because apparently there is a finite amount of food in the house and when you’re out, that’s it. Annnd it seems like Chef Joe likes to make lots and lots of food, using up all the rations in the house.
I still want to see what he’ll be able to do for slop.
When it’s time for the nomination ceremony, Willie nominates Frank and Kara for eviction…going back on his word to Frank.
Frank takes it like a champ and Kara cries.
Moving on to Episode 3…The Veto competition.
Shane, the house flipper wins the veto and feels excited that he has a smidgen of power in the house. He wears a sweet shell necklace channeling every surfer from 1988.
He talks to Frank and then Frank tries to make a catch phrase happen. “Apreesh”. As in “appreciate”. But it sounds like a sneeze.
Boogie pulls Janelle aside and tries to work her, seeing how Dan is on the outs, with Kara nominated and Jodi already gone. He is trying to cover his tracks in case Dan goes down in flames…to which Janelle runs and tells Dan that Boogie has already sold him out.
Shane decides not to use the veto on anyone, which makes sense for his game.
The live eviction episode was up next.
On the block still are Frank and Kara.
Willie rallies the troupes and convinces everyone to vote Kara out, but to split the votes, so Janelle and Britney’s alliance doesn’t look too obvious.
Ok, good plan…so far.
Meanwhile Janelle strikes up a conversation with Dan 10 feet from Britney. Britney gets the feeling that she might be on the outs…She runs up to Willie’s room and tells Willie that she has a feeling that eventually the coaches will enter the games as contestants. She makes Willie promise not to tell anyone her theory. As we already know Willie isn’t much of a secret keeper, so it takes him all of 30 minutes to call a ‘town meeting” excluding all coaches in his room and tell them all Britney’s theory.
For whatever reason Wil seems turned off by all the game-talk and announces that he going to take 24 hours off from talking about BB.
Now in a game of telephone, Frank starts feeling nervous about his chances in the house and goes up to talk to Willie and Britney. Willie tells Britney that Wil isn’t going to talk game for 24 hours and seems checked out. Frank immediately runs down and tells Joe that Willie is “mocking” Wil, and then Joe goes and tells Wil. See what happened there? Sheesh.
Britney runs up and tells Willie that they whole house is now against him and Willie gets fired up and goes to confront Frank. He yells at him, gets visibly flustered and starts making weird Fruit Loop analogies. Boogie, never one to walk away from any drama, relishes the fact that Frank is coming out of this looking like the good guy and calls Willie a bully.
Finally for the live eviction, Frank stands up and gives a speech about bullies and how they won’t be tolerated in the real world or in BB world. Kara stands up and basically shrugs her shoulders.
Here’s how the vote went:
Danielle: voted to evict Frank
Shane: voted to evict Frank
Joe: voted to evict Kara
Ian: voted to evict Kara
JoJo: voted to evict Frank
Jen: voted to evict Kara
Wil: voted to evict Kara
Ashely: voted to evict Kara
In the HoH competition, Frank won.
Willie immediately left the backyard to go pout and pack up his HoH room. Can’t wait to see hat happens on Sunday and how Willie tries to get back in Frank’s good graces!