I need to start off by saying that it seems like this whole season is a big lead up to the Napa RV Trip. Because still (STILL!!!), they are in New Jersey and have yet to head West.
Go to Napa and fight a lot already!!!
In the meantime, there is lots of preparation, dessert baking, and RV talk, so let’s review.
The episode opened with Teresa and Juicy Joe in her SUV headed to a winery to talk about her upcoming project — Fabulinni Bellini. She then loud whispered to the camera that she didn’t want HER product to taste like a certain SkinnyGirl diet cocktail, which tastes dietey. Because apparently Bethenny Frankel has a condition that prevents her from hearing loud whispers on popular cable shows.
Also…Coke and Pepsi have been trying to perfect diet drinks for decades. They still taste diet. YOU’RE NOT A ROCKET SCIENTIST TERESA!!!! Gah.
On the drive, Joe mentioned that he finally found his lost wallet (although why he needs it is beyond me…his credit is shot and he has no drivers license), but when Teresa asked where he found it, he responded, “a friend’s car”. Teresa pressed, asking which friend, but Joe would not respond.
Very suspect, if you ask me.
Over at the Gorga home, Melissa was wearing a sequined du-rag and preparing for a meeting with a man named Corte — lead singer of Soul Diggaz. After Corte arrived, he had a meeting with Joe Gorga and Melissa concerning the next steps she should take with her singing career. After a bit of debate, he suggested staying independent, which would start a bidding war for her with record labels.
Has he heard her music? Is this real life??
Meanwhile, Caroline and Lauren were looking at an empty salon that Lauren wants to rent for her new shop. Apparently the shop is an old one that the Housewives used to visit often, and we were treated to flashbacks of Danielle’s Scooby Doo Panther face, which I really could have done without.
Teresa and Joe finally arrived at the winery, where Joe’s first order of business was to criticize his wife’s parking job. Personally, if I were a man having to be chauffeured around by my wife, I think I’d be a bit more humble, but obviously Juicy Joe does not have that problem.
Joe and Teresa walked in the winery, where they were greeted by a enologist (winemaker), who Joe promptly called a “no knowledge-ist”. To his face.
Obviously, Joe has forgotten that he currently has no license, is facing jail time, and relies on his wife for any and all income. But whatevs — he totally has the right to belittle perfectly self sufficient people to their face. No bigs.
As they try drinks, Teresa offered her input about color, taste, etc…to no avail. Juicy Joe would not shut up. He had opinions on everything, including nonsense that no one understood. He was like an obnoxious child, only worse — at least with a child, you can buy 30 minute’s peace with an iPhone game and some fruit snacks.
Back at Melissa’s house, her team was prepping her for a photo shoot. I don’t really know what the photo shoot was FOR, but I do know that it involved her rolling in rose petals and moaning loudly while her children watched.
Those kids are going to grow up so confused.
Ever the fabulous duo, Juicy Joe and Teresa arrived at a local bakery for a Fabulicious book signing. Again, I don’t understand the point of Joe being there considering what a liability he is, but he seemed to think he was a huge crowd draw.
Over at Jaqueline’s, she and Lauren were headed to lunch with representatives of a mineral make up line that Lauren would like to sell in her salon. The lunch seemed to go well, if you don’t count the fact that Jaqueline ordered the drink “Screaming Orgasm” and proceeded to describe Vajazzling.
She also spilled some of her drink on Lauren. Perfectly normal business lunch.
Back at Teresa’s book signing, Kathy and Rich showed up for support, and to invite Teresa to Kathy’s upcoming dessert tasting at Gelatti’s. Although she was sitting in front of a huge line of people waiting for signatures, Teresa was obviously threatened by Kathy’s dessert venture, because she immediately started talking about how many dessert recipes she had in her book, and for her next cookbook.
Because obviously Teresa has cornered the market on baking? What??
As Teresa signed Kathy’s copy of Fabulicious, she flipped through it to show Kathy evidence of her mad baking skills. When Kathy saw a photo of pizzelles, she casually mentioned, “Oh, cool, my mom’s recipe…” and you could see steam come out of Teresa’s ears. Teresa told the camera that it was a passive aggressive insult. Coming from someone else, I might agree, but Kathy seems like a pretty nice person so I’m not convinced.
Teresa then explained that she would never make an all dessert cookbook because “everyone worries about their weight, so no one would buy it”.
You don’t even want to know MY opinion on that statement. I mean, I just make a living writing a website strictly about fattening desserts, so what would I know????
Finally, it was the day of Kathy’s big tasting at the gelato shop. She had tons of adorable and yummy looking desserts ready to go, and everything looked great.
Rich expressed concern that Teresa would show up because he feels that Teresa takes advantage of Kathy’s niceness. Have I mentioned that he is the smartest person on the show?
Caroline, Melissa, and Jaqueline all showed up with their families, and the turnout was great. Unfortunately, Teresa had to show up and ruin it.
As always, Teresa was late, and had a “friend” in tow. This friend was a girl named Linda, and as they walked up to the dessert tent, they were already gossiping about Kathy and her “mom’s recipe” comment. Teresa of course, assured Linda that she would NEVER stoop to that level, and would keep it nice and not ruin Kathy’s dessert tasting.
Just a few minutes later, however, Teresa seemed to be suffering amnesia, because when Kathy offered her some Tirimisu, Teresa told her she already had that in her cookbook. Linda followed that up by recommending that Kathy try to develop “skinny desserts”.
Linda then made her way over to Jaqueline, where they discussed her and Teresa’s recent falling out. In a not at ALL awkward moment, Teresa approached and interrupted the conversation, thanking Jaqueline for the RV trip invite. Jaqueline told Teresa that she was surprised she still wanted to go, considering the situation, and Teresa basically acted like Jaqueline’s issue with her stems from loyalty to Caroline.
She’s obviously in denial. Caroline wasn’t even there the night the fight between Teresa and Jaqueline started. I really wish I could randomly teleport to New Jersey to remind Teresa about things from time to time.
The next day at Jaqueline’s house, Rich and Joe Gorga showed up to have a “man meeting” with Chris. Chris told the men that he called the meeting to discuss the trip and his concerns about fighting that may happen. Apparently this trip is part business for Chris, and he is concerned that the crazy Guidice’s will muck it all up.
Gee, you THINK?!
Chris reminded Joe Gorga that he had changed his plans from rooming with him and Jaqueline, to sharing an RV with Teresa — AGAINST the therapist’s advice. Chris told him he was going to have to let stuff not affect him, and revealed that Juicy Joe had been doing some gossiping around town about he and Jaqueline’s financial situation.
Why are they even invited on this trip??? Is it in the Bravo contract?
Finally, Juicy Joe showed up to the man meeting, late and carrying two bottles of wine. Whether the bottles were a host gift or just for him to drink personally, we can only guess.
Chris informed Juicy that the meeting was about them all getting along because the trip is very important. Juicy replied that his wife doesn’t get along with any of the other wives, and now Jaqueline is included because she has been bringing out a lot of crap she shouldn’t. He then added that anyone who believes what they read in a magazine is a fool.
So…he basically just told Chris that his wife is a trouble making fool. Nice.
After realizing that trying to have a reasonable discussion with Juicy was futile, Chris told him that they needed to stand by their own wives and move on to another topic.
Joe Gorga then reminded Juicy that they were sharing an RV, to which Juicy complained that he would have to put up with Joe’s driving. Because the real inconvenience isn’t that Joe can’t take a driving shift to help out, but that the whole trip is dumped into Joe Gorga’s lap.
Juicy then decided to remind the men of how bad off they were when they met him, Rich pumping gas and Joe Gorga being helpless at life…and then he showed up and showed them how to build houses!! He even lent Joe Gorga tools that were never returned!!
Rich blew it off and told Juicy that he always acts like he is better than everyone, but reminded him that 6 months ago he was slinging pizzas.
It was probably my favorite line of the night.
The episode ended with Chris concerned about RV Drama.
Chris, common sense just called. It said to back out while you still can.
Next week’s episode promises the RV Trip — finally!! Teresa will confront Kathy about the Mom’s recipe comment, and she and Melissa get into it too. Surprise, surprise!!