True Blood Episode 4

Ok y’all, we are 1/3 of the way into the season, and there seem to be more and more questions – and characters (minus one or two) than answers up to this point. But it is making for one heckuva season so far!

Wearing her best Barbarella costume effort, Pam rushes to save Tara from deep frying herself in the tanning bed. When she opens it up and we see the damage and blisters the UV rays have done thus far to Tara, it TOTALLY reminds me of the Garbage Pail Kids stickers I used to collect waaay back in the 80s.

Pam finally uses her “As Your Maker Card” to make Tara stop tanning, and while Pam doesn’t look AS annoyed with Tara as before, she still seems bored with all the drama.

She drags Tara to Fangtasia, and Pam gasps as she sees Eric sitting atop his throne in the bar. (He and Bill had been released by The Authority to go find Russell). As she approaches Eric, this is probably one of the only times we’ll see her uncomfortable and nervous trying to make jokes “Let’s let bygones be bygones and bi-girls be bi-girls”. After Eric asks why Tara is there, Pam tells him “Congratulations, you’re a grandfather”. Now, when I picture a Grampa or PawPaw in my head, I picture this…

Not this…

But I’m ok with the latter. Works for me. The vampires have messed up family trees, so OF COURSE they would look super hot as grandpas.

While Bill and Tara go into Eric’s office to give Pam and Eric time alone, Tara FINALLY changes her nasty clothes. About darn time. She’s been shot in those, died in those, buried in those, turned vampire in those, fried herself in those. Girl needs a shower! Bill counsels her, and Tara starts to complain angrily about Sookie and tells Bill he shouldn’t worry about her because Sookie always finds a way to take care of herself. Tara and Sookie have a long (human) history together – where often Sookie saved Tara from many bad situations (anger issues, abusive mother, Maenad, etc). You know, the usual. But I guess Tara is still a little peeved that Sookie helped turn her into a vampire. Not sure how I’d feel personally if Shelly saved me from death and had a vampire turn me, but hopefully I’d handle it with a little more grace and wouldn’t be such a Bitter Betty about it.

Meanwhile, Eric pretty much body slams Pam into a table accusing her of releasing Russell Edgington. I wasn’t sure why he didn’t just use his “I am your Maker, you must tell me” card, but I guess that wasn’t as dramatic. And it wouldn’t lead up to Pam tearfully telling Eric to just ‘release her’ as her Maker if he didn’t trust her. And, sadly, the next evening, in one of the most earnest and touching seasons to date for True Blood, Eric does just that. He thinks either way, “the end will come soon” and she is his only progeny that has to live on when he is gone. When he tells her “As your Maker, I release you” and tells her she was born into greatness while he gently kisses her forehead and comforts her as she cries, it felt like one of those break ups where you don’t really want to break up with the person, but you know it’s for the best. It just feels cruddy all around. The scene was poignant and perfect and just sad.

We can tell Pam understands this bond on a greater level when she awakes Tara who is showing the classic signs of Vamp-depression  – she won’t drink from people, she tries to run away, she sleeps late in her coffin, she’s grumpy – (well, she was always grumpy). Pam commands her to drink from a willing human, and helps talk her through the process as well, finally taking on the responsibility of a Maker

Bill and Jessica have a sweet scene together back at Bill’s mansion. In Bill’s office, they are looking for any bugging devices (to see if that’s how someone found out about Russell). First of all, am I the only one who missed the cozy/ dilapidated 1800s former style of his mansion before he became king and it turned into a silver and grey Sharper Image showroom? While they are looking, Bill discovers part of a joint from one of Jess’s parties. She insisted it all turned out fine “No one got eaten, no one was drained”, and I am thankful I never partied with her in college if that’s the measurement of what makes a successful shindig to her. Bill tells her not to worry about it, but does admonish her on the quality of it. (I did wonder how he’d know since vampires can only ingest blood?) When Jess asks about Sookie with genuine concern, the melancholy cello music starts to play again every time Bill thinks of Sookie, and he hugs her and looks at Jess and tells her “I think I’ve done well”. I would agree.

Back at Merlotte’s, Alcide is angrily driving off after Sookie’s confession, and I was almost distracted for the rest of the scene because she is wearing slouchy low boots as part of her waitress uniform – not her usual black sneakers. Not even cool/ sexy Western boots. Now, I can suspend belief and buy into vampires, werewolves, fairies, and shape shifters. I can even look past Anna Paquin’s accent sometimes, but a waitress wearing boots instead of her comfy sneakers? Nope. THAT I don’t believe.

So anyway, Lafayette comes out after this confession and is so angry with Sookie that he tells her that she is the Angel of Death despite Sookie’s protest that is how ‘Gran raised (her)’ and she needed to tell the truth and stop all the lying and covering up. Sookie goes over to Jason’s and says she needs to “turn herself in”. Confused, Jason asks “Into what?” Best line of the night and so appropriate for this show. (It’s like in Season 3 when she told Jason that werewolves were real and he asked her if Santa was real too. I wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home when he asked that.) She tells him everything that happened with Debbie, and that Tara is a vampire.  He tells her that he won’t put her in jail and tries to come up with a plan. Sorry Sook- things ARE pretty bad if Jason is the brains behind your plan…

The next day at Merlotte’s, Sookie can hear everyone’s angry thoughts regarding Tara and she has to go into the office to hide. When Lafayette drives up, the Blue Lala Lucifer comes out in him when he sees Sookie’s car and he lifts it up into the air and seems to cast a spell on it. I am shocked that car is still running at ALL as old as it is and everything it’s been through, so I am sure it won’t be able to handle black magic next time Sookie drives it.

Sam’s short reprieve of normalcy comes to an end because two of his shifter friends come into the bar begging him to meet them later to run (as they gleefully did before when they were in horse form). He agrees, and when they ask them what he recommends to eat, Sam replies “Honestly, nothing”. Good recommendation after LaLa’s experiment with Bleach Gumbo last week. Sam does go to meet up with them later, and he discovers them shot on their patio. Oh well, so much for peace and quiet for Sam.

Alcide goes to visit the Pelts at their hotel, and after he lets the Pelts know that Debbie is dead by lying and saying Marcus killed her, he sincerely cries in front of them in grief over the loss of Debbie. Alcide is becoming the #1 supernatural in my book lately, and no, it’s not because of the way he looked when I went to see Magic Mike this past weekend. Well, not entirely.

But I’ll go back and watch the movie again to make sure it didn’t affect my opinion. Journalistic integrity and all.

Back at the station, Jason and Andy are waiting for the slimy Judge Clements to take them out on the town as he had previously promised in an earlier visit. Before they meet up with the judge, Andy keeps insisting he needs to pursue the Pelt case, and even will have to search Sookie’s land – not knowing that she is really buried out there. Jessica hears this and whizzes in and glamours Andy to where he ‘doesn’t even remember the NAME Debbie Pelt”. She does so with such grace that Jason tells her she is a great friend to have. I agree.

When the judge picks them up in a limo with three beautiful ladies, they have black velvet bags put over their heads so they don’t see where they are going (always a warning sign, one would think) – and when they get to their destination, it’s in a field with a portal to Fairyland. Of course it is. No bouncer needed at this club entrance. Once inside, it looks like a cross between the club in Boardwalk Empire…and a Cirque du Soleil S&M show. While the judge boasts he has VIP status there and goes every weekend (seriously, they chose him as a VIP?), Jason and Andy take in the spectacle while it looks like the fairy-dancers on the main stage are doing their best impression of the Michael Jackson Thriller video while wearing costumes from the musical Chicago.

Andy runs into the fairy who mysteriously seduced him one night last season, Maurella (Holly who???), and Jason sees his cousin, Hadley, after a fairy he is with starts to read his mind. Hadley vehemently insists that he and Sookie need to stay there as refugees in the “Fairy Safe House” from the vampires. She tells them “they will kill her – just like they did your parents” and she knows she has said too much. Great, now with this information, Jason is gonna go all Fellowship of the Sun again on us. When Jason chases after her, he and Andy tussle with some fairies, and they are thrown out back through the portal to the field and blasted with rays of light that put that pen light of Men in Black to shame.

We have quick scenes with Terry and Patrick going to find their AWOL buddy and finally understand more about that horrible night in Iraq. His whole unit was drunk and high and one member murdered a civilian and after frantic shooting with a sniper, they discover all of the civilians are dead. How? Why? We don’t know for sure. In current time, Terry and Patrick find him in a bunker in South Dakota, and wind up with his gun to their head. Still not sure where all of this is going to take us, but it’s too late to turn back now.

Back to Sookie – as she’s driving her possessed car after her rough shift where everyone was judging her and – oh – Evil Lafayette curses her car with some serious voodoo (not to be confused with normal Fabulous Lafayette), she realizes it won’t stop and can’t brake – and just at the last second bails out of the car before it wraps around a tree at full speed. She somehow gets home and decides to hell with it and she needs to get her drink ON. Singing Escape (the Pina Colada song) with many liquor bottles on her coffee table, I decide that Sookie and I handle stress differently. Replace those bottles with cookies, ice cream, and some chips – yep, that’s how I would handle it instead.

(Normal) LaLa calls her to make sure she is ok when he discovers her wrecked car and realizes what he did. While she is on the phone with him, Alcide appears at her door and she welcomes him in. It’s a good thing he didn’t show up like this to the party:

Might not have been so cute at that point.

Alcide sees her drunk on the couch and tells her she smells like “mint and peaches”, and lets her know he’s cleaned up her mess with the Pelts. Even though Sookie is three sheets to the wind, she looks at Alcide kinda crazy cute like…

Now, if I’d had that much to drink, THIS is what I would have looked like when I was trying to seduce Alcide…

But whatevs. I don’t have fairy blood to make me all cute even when I’m tatered.

As she flirts with him and eventually kisses Alcide (Debbie who???), it cracks me up at how easily former, ex, dead girlfriends (and boyfriends to be fair) are forgotten in Bon Temps. Soon they are making out on Gran’s couch (you know – like she said, she wants to honor “how Gran raised her” and all). Bill and Eric are outside loitering conveniently and Bill insists they’ll need Sookie’s help to find Russell even though Eric says she doesn’t want anything to do with them. Bill responds “I don’t think we give her a choice” and you KNOW it’s because she’s making out with the hot werewolf.

And finally at Authority HQ, as I am bored again watching the chancellors natter on as they monitor Bill and Eric’s movements on a screen that looks like a black and white Tetris game, things get interesting. After Roman threatens to I-Stake Bill and Eric instantly, Nora whispers to Salome who her cohort was to usurp The Authority. With this information, Roman stalks around the chancellors with the holy stake that came from Judas’ hanging platform… and you know someone is gonna get it. I can’t decide if I want it to be the Crazy Cougar Town lady with her insane expressions and bad hair or the kid – and I feel weird hoping that a kid would get staked until A) I realize he’s thousands of years old and B) he opens his mouth again and speaks. Roman plays a video they found of him feeding on a human and yelling and making just weird noises, and yesssireee –it’s him that Roman stakes in what looks like an explosion of cherry jello. I’m good with this. RIP Drew the Boy-Vamp. While I do not think you were a good fit for True Blood, I am sure you will do dazzling work on The Disney Channel or ABC Family.

And sigh… no Steve Newlin or Goth-Hoyt this week, but I am sure we will see them soon!


Until next week,



True Blood airs Sunday nights 9 EST on HBO

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  1. 1
    Lori says:

    hahahaha oh girl, you crack me up! Love your recaps!

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