Well folks, it’s official. I summarily christen this season waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than last season, and this could be up there as one of my favorites! Holy cow, I love how each episode is like one crazy roller coaster ride, and I am enjoying every minute of it! I noticed Allan Ball himself was the writer for this episode in the credits, and it definitely had his fingerprints all over it (heavy on the themes of politics -president masks really? – religion, sexuality, etc).
We start back at the creepy hospital as Russell’s V-addicted wolves are dragging Alcide away and attacking the Eric and Bill. (For a moment, I was super worried about the bites, but then I realized I was mixing up Vampire Diaries rules (werewolf bites are deadly to vampires) with True Blood rules (nope, not deadly).
When Russell tries to attack Sookie and tells her she is just what the doctor ordered, I was thinking the same thing about his screen presence. He just puts the camp right back into this show where it belongs. He then calls her his ‘twee fairy’, and I couldn’t help but notice he was pretty much looking her straight in the eye, but somehow ‘twee’ doesn’t describe him accurately. Outlandish, Over The Top, Maniacally Magnificent, yes. Twee, not so much. She fights him away with her Fairy Balls of Light, and Eric takes this moment to seize and try to stake him until Bill stops him with a stake to HIS back to remind him they must return Russell to the Authority alive if they want a chance to stay alive. (**Bill suspicion #1) Eric is breathing heavily and growling like a vampire with asthma, but he relents. As the Authority Squad swoops in and drags Russell away silver-cuffed, Russell is angrily incredulous that this is in the name of Lilith and exclaims they might as well be “praying to leprechauns, unicorns, or the (bleeping) Kardashians!” I am sure Kris, their mom-ager, can arrange that and Ryan Secrest can produce it. If Russell was in that show, I might actually watch it! And at this moment, Alcide shows up safe and sound too. Shirtless, safe, and sound – just like we like him.
After the Authority chancellor, Kibwe, states that Alcide and Sookie know too much, Bill and Eric assure him they will glamour them to save their lives (the humans imprisoned in their pods and Doug weren’t so lucky once they stupidly announced they could identify the woman who brought Russell to the hospital.) The melancholy Sookie/Bill theme music plays as Bill looks into Sookie’s eyes and pretends to glamour her and he rhapsodizes that she will not remember him or Eric and she should be living in the sun (ie – get on with your life without me – I am no good for you). The genuinely heart-wrenching scene easily changes tone when Eric glamours Alcide to forget the night – but that he should always protect Sookie with his life even though she kind of disgusts him – as in he wants to make sure there is no sexy time between Alcide and Sookie.
Back at Fangtasia, Pam breaks up the fight between Tara and Jessica when she pulls Tara by the ear into another room after Tara calls Fangtasia ‘her house’. In only the way she can, Pam tells her that it is not HER house, but she does pause a beat and tells Tara she is proud of her “like a human is proud of a well- trained dog. Nothing more”. I love the way Pam speaks – it’s as if you took the low growl of a cat mixed with the deliberate undulation of Julia Sugarbaker’s drawl from Designing Women. I wish I could talk that slowly and cool, but it would just come out sounding like I was drunk.
Hoyt sits with Jessica and after she tells him he looks ridiculous, he replies “Well that’s one opinion”. Nope, buddy, I think that’s pretty much everyone’s opinion. He pleads so desperately with Jess to love him again that he’ll do anything she wants– maybe that’s why it looks like he’s trying to match his nail polish and eyeliner so they can share makeup tips and bond. She tells Hoyt this isn’t him, and I think we all agree. Hoyt’s getting as many bites and scars as trashy Ginger and it just breaks your heart to see how lost he is. After Jessica rejects him and tells him it’s never going to happen between them, he winds up in the alley – on pretty much a suicide mission offering himself up to a vampire despite his slowing heart. His life is accidentally saved from the masked Supe-Shooters who assassinate the vampire, recognize Hoyt, and bring them into their van after Hoyt kinda looked like Carrie at the prom in Carrie.
In South Dakota, where Terry and finally Patrick realize that the Smoke/ Fire Monster killed Private Eller, the Ifrit billows out of the bunker moaning and groaning after them. I couldn’t help it, but the slo-mo movement and ‘raaaaaaawrrrr’ sounds made me think instantly of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters. I guess I was just like Dan Ackroyd not able to NOT think of him too…
Terry starts to lose it on the way home, and jumps out of their moving truck before Patrick can slow down completely. Despite his military training, I thought Sookie’s exit was more graceful and less rough than his when she had to abandon HER moving car. He believes that Arlene, the kids and Mikey were too good to be true – and I feel so bad for him. It’s not like than man was asking a lot out of life for crying out loud if that was his dream come true. When he comes back to Merlotte’s to tell Arlene that he has to leave or the Smoke Monster will kill them all, she thinks he’s off his meds, and only when he insists that she will die if she stays with him does she reluctantly let him go.
In a frantic scene at the hospital – we find out Luna lives! – Sam stumbles into her room in his hospital gown and slippers despite the protestations of the nurse he sharply dismisses. They wonder about Emma’s safety realizing that they were targeted because they are Shifters and Sam remembers that their attackers were human and he could “smell whiskey, chewing tobacco, bad breath, and bad diets”. That’s pretty uncanny, because he’s describing some of the more unfortunate dates I had before I met the hubby. When Grandmama Martha shows up (after being rude to the same nurse Sam was short with), she has Emma with her because Emma had come to her door “as wolf”. The woman still doesn’t like her consonants very much when she speaks, and I guess she doesn’t like adjectives either. Luna asks Sam’s opinion on what they should do for Emma’s safety. Oh NOW you want the man’s opinion after you booted him out for caring too much before? Sam seems to think the same thing and wisely replies “I think this is between you, Martha, and Emma”. Lesson learned Sam. Well done. Luna decides Emma should stay with Martha for her safety (well maybe Sam should have said something after all) – and Martha looks suspiciously pleased and not too shocked that someone is going after the Shifters. Makes you wonder if she is behind the shootings, but there are too many looney tunes in Bon Temps to pin this on her just yet.
Sherriff Andy comes to the hospital to get the story from Sam, and is at first reluctant to accept Sam’s theory on their attackers. When Sam tells him he will pursue them regardless of Andy’s blessing, Andy relents. Once Sam is healed, Andy visits the Anti-Vampire Outfitter The Stakehouse. Andy starts asking a lot of questions to the sleazy clerk and Junior the clerk starts to get nervous when Sam enters the store. This goes on for a bit, and then Sam suddenly shoots the clerk with a cross bow when he literally smells trouble and Junior tries to shoot them. Andy’s exclamation is awesome here – but pretty much not repeatable. But it cracked me up so go back and watch it. Chris Bauer (Andy) has the best verbal and physical expressions! When Sam tells the dying Junior “That’s for Emory and Suzanne, you human piece of (crud)”, Andy looks mad that Sam said something disparaging about humans, but Sam did just save his life, so he keeps it to himself. So we know one person behind the Supe Shootings….
Oh – and I guess the scene with them is the only way we’ll kinda see any part of Steve Newlin this episode as well…
Lafayette goes to the nursing home after they call him to let him know they think his mother had a seizure (which she did not – she was just seeing dead Jesus). After yelling at the front desk nurse (bad day for nurses in Bon Temps!), he finds Ruby Jean and asks her “Is you OK?” She says “I tell you who not ok – Jesus”. Well, Ruby J., that’s an understatement since the last time you saw him it was only his disembodied head with his lips sewn together. Ruby tells LaLa that Jesus is in trouble and stuck with his evil relative whose name sounds like Don Julio – but I know I heard that wrong because that’s a tequila. Lafayette asks Ruby how she knows all of this and she replies – folding her arms over her body and stretching like a cat “I got no…clue, baby… the LESTRICITY just runs through me. It always have”. She tells LaLa that he has to “SAVE Jesus” and grabs him and says “Jesus loves you” and gingerly kisses him. I think she is talking about the dead ex-boyfriend, Jesus, and then the Lamb of God, Jesus, but I’m not sure. I don’t think she really is either. Who cares? They say goodbye in a way only Ruby Jean and Lafayette can. Sign m’up for more scenes with Miss Ruby J please!
As Sookie and Alcide leave the hospital in his van, she is bawling her eyes out and he can’t remember why they were there or where they are. And it’s another great date night for Alcide. He wakes up the next morning in her bed looking like he is wearing her comforter similar to the skirt Sarah Jessica Parker wore at the end of Sex in the City when she was in Paris.
And at the same time, he looks so GINORMOUS in Sookie’s bed that it looks like dollhouse furniture and I wonder if they made the furniture in that scene especially tiny. It’s like Will Ferrell in Elf…
So yep, that sounds reasonable. He’s a SJP/ Will Ferrell hybrid. Either way, he still looks good.
He comes down the stairs (his over-sized self ducking underneath the door frame) and asks if they did anything the night before and then recoils at her touch moments later. At this point, Sookie realizes what Eric did when he glamoured him, and she helps him remember again by reading his mind to bring the memories back and he leaves angrily when he realizes everything that happened.
He arrives at his pack’s hangout to confront JD, one of his werewolf attackers and Russell’s V addicted minions. But hold on a second – seriously, this location they are all at? They are in some old barn with bales of hay everywhere just sitting around in their denim, cut off sleeves, and boots. I can’t believe one of them wasn’t chewing on a piece of hay. It looks like a set you’d see at Six Flags and every bad cliche of a country music video and I half expected the people in the scene to break out singing and line dancin’ at any moment – or at least the Hee Haw Honeys to provide some comic relief. Then again, I think the barn was ridiculous enough.
With Rikki (the sexy wolf who walked away nude with Sam in the first episode) professing herself as his ‘second’, Alcide challenges JD to see who will be pack-master. After her moment of bravery to seal the deal, Alcide leaves even though Rikki is left alone amongst the hay bales and country cliches as a traitor in her own pack. I thought that was kind of weird. He may just be kinda fed up with women right now. I wouldn’t blame him.
Asleep on his couch, Jason wakes up – but we know he is not really awake because once again the screen looks different – this time he’s dreaming in an amber glow. He is dreaming that his dad is sitting on the edge of the couch and he tells his father how he liked when he “felt like something you were proud of…forgot what (feeling good about myself) even feels like”. Ryan Kwanten really delivers here and it’s nice to see Jason have so many sides to him that we didn’t realize. This one still happens to be one of my favorites of his:
But I’ll take introspective Jason too.
After Jason swears to his dad that he will make the vampire pay that killed them, his dad answers, “Jason, all you have to fear is –”…And Jason wakes up!! Fear what? What??? Clowns? Monkeys? The Alice in Wonderland cartoon? That’s what I fear – what should Jason fear?
Jason meets Sookie at Merlotte’s later to let her know the truth about their parents’ death by a vampire and tells her all about his trip to the fairy club via the portal and his visit with Hadley. They go out into the field (she’s wearing those stupid boots again!) and find their way into the portal and that high school theater version of the Moulin Rouge set. When Sookie sees Hadley and then her fairy cousin Claude, they reluctantly let her know that her parents had been ambushed by a vampire drawn to the car by a Band-Aid with Sookie’s blood on it – not really killed in a flood. We see this story in a rainy flashback with the vampire cloaked in a long coat, hat, and gloves. Because that’s how they dress. Ummm no it’s not, but whatever, I’m sure we’ll find out who the vampire is at some point. Sookie gets angry at this story and tries to blast Claude with her trusty Fairy Balls of Light – except they don’t work so great in Fairy-Land, and the other fairies start aiming at her with their own.
After Russell’s capture, when Eric and Bill get into the back of the Authority-Mobile to be transported back to HQ, Eric asks if their lives will be spared. Kibwe answers “Only Lilith knows that” and Bill responds “As she knows all.” Huh? (**Bill suspicion #2) Eric has a choice reply about what Lilith can do… and we’ll leave it at that.
They are congratulated warmly by the chancellors and Salome kisses Bill on his cheek with a knowing look and pats Eric on his arm. (**Bill suspicion #3). The Cougar Town chancellor, Rosalyn, professes her admiration for their work and winks at them. Once a cougar, always a cougar I guess. This whole time, Salome has allegedly been interrogating and silvering Russell – yet he hasn’t confessed anything yet. Odd – since she is supposed to be so great at it, no? Bill tells them it was “our duty” to capture Russell and Eric mutters ‘boyscout’ and Bill replies ‘delinquent’ in a moment of fun levity. I have always liked Bill – but this smarmy, ulterior motive Bill is just weird and giving me the heebee jeebees. On the other hand, it seems Eric can do whatever, and I’ll still be part of his fan club.
Roman bursts into the room to congratulate them (and turning Salome around as she was trying to go to Russell again much to – what seems – her dismay). He is wearing the best looking royal blue Nike golf shirt I have ever seen because “he wants to hit the links before sunrise”. Seriously, I want to know if the sales of that shirt have increased since the episode aired. He is carrying a very old bottle of Austrian hemophiliac blood, and he proceeds to pass it around like a jug of Boone’s Farm at an underage field party. Eric and Bill wisely pass.
Eric is not impressed with all of this pomp and circumstance, he just wants to visit Nora even though he has been told she is a Sanguinista. Eric can’t help but feel how all of this is beneath him, and Roman notices this. When Roman asserts “You DO believe in the co-existence with humans” to Eric, Boyscout Bill jumps at the chance to nervously agree “wholeheartedly” to the whole group while Eric silently stares back at Roman. Eric hesitantly reveals “there are certain humans I have felt protective towards… in the past” (Sookie? Pam?) – but he says little more. To steal a phrase from Arlene earlier, that man is tighter than bark on a tree when it comes to sharing his emotions. Roman continues to push that Eric must believe! He MUST! Eric smiles and tells Roman he has never been very religious and is a ‘pacifist’ – and you know he is being sarcastic, because he’s smiling. Roman is thoroughly entertained with this whole challenge when he tells Eric that Eric “believes in nothing other than yourself”. What’s wrong with believing in Eric? Seriously, there is a church of Eric? Where? Hallelujer! I’ll go and sit in the front pew in my Sunday best!
Roman abruptly announces that they will execute Russell that night and starts to natter on again about Lilith and their beliefs, and Eric’s fatigued expression is perfect because it’s the same speech for the zillionth time already, and his sarcastic small sign of the cross with his hand when Roman is done is priceless! Salome asserts that he has been silvered and she is personally the one sent to get him. Roman makes sure Eric will be there even after he goes to visit Nora, and Bill echoes “I love a good execution” and smiles with a raised glass of blood. (Bill suspicion #8729 pretty much at this point).
While Eric is visiting Nora in her cell, Salome comes by to let her know of the execution (why?) as they drag Russell out to meet his True Death. Nora tells Eric it’s “God’s plan made manifest by Lilith” and denies releasing Russell and he looks at her in horror as if realizing something. What, I don’t know…
Right before the execution, Roman is ‘praying’ and says “In the Name of the Father and the Mother” and Russell angrily retorts from his knees “In the name of MY ASS!” (He must LOVE getting his scripts every week! I can’t think of any reason in my life I will ever have a chance to say those words, but a girl can hope.) He tells Roman he was “pompous and self-righteous in the Renaissance” and that he still is. That really is a long time to be a jerk. When Roman goes to ignite the I Stake tethered to Russell – it malfunctions (on purpose? by chance?), and Russell quickly turns and overcomes Roman and stakes him after a few choice words. In all of the chaos around them, we see a single, calm blood tear ooze out of Salome’s eye as Nora leans back in her cell with her arms open in her cell and chants “Praise her…”
Well that was a lot to chew on y’all – just like the scenery that Russell spectacularly chews every chance he gets! And from the previews for next week, it’s just gettin’ good…
Thanks for reading!