This episode took a bit for me to really get into it. Maybe because I didn’t understand all that Lilith/ blood mumbo jumbo (or am just bored with it all at this point) or maybe it’s just because it seemed slower than the past two episodes. I get that we have to catch our breath every now and then and gather our thoughts – so here are mine:
After Russell stakes Roman and is hovering over him splattered with blood on his PJs, Russell looks as though he’s about to take out Eric now too, when Dieter yells “Level One Protocol!!!” and UV lights flash on and off everywhere while sirens sound and chaos ensues. The Authority Squad bursts in and silver-nets Russell (smiling at them in their night vision goggles like that creepy scene in Silence of the Lambs when Jodie Foster’s Clarice was in Jame Gumb’s basement at the end of the movie). All the while Nora is chanting and praising Lilith – and we hear Salome praising Lilith too. What.A.Shocker. (umm no it’s not)
When Salome summons Eric and Bill after all the brouhaha desists ( I think they were back in ‘jail’ again, but I really couldn’t figure out what was going on there), Nora is standing next to her and when she tries to speak to Eric, he bluntly tells her what she can do to herself. It’s something that I guess HE won’t be doing anymore, despite the fact that he stated earlier this season they did so like champions. Russell suddenly prances out from behind the curtains in a moment of Liza Minelli-type showmanship, and Salome finally admits she is the one who freed Russell (worst kept secret ever). She explains that he was the only one strong enough to take Roman out and he had to be the one to make “the sacrosanct blood of the guardian flow”. Russell is standing next to Salome as she is very solemnly describing all of this (ha – Salome is solemn) – and he is looking at Bill and Eric like, “I know, can you believe this malarkey? But whatevs, I’ll drink the Kool-Aid, it’s working out great for me!!!” Eric initially refuses to join them with very choice words towards Nora again (C U Next Tuesday!!), and Bill tries to take a more diplomatic approach with his refusal – it’s obvious this is not a grey issue for Salome, Russell, and Nora– and they have until the next evening to change their minds and join them. I don’t think they really have a choice if they want to live.
The next evening, Salome very ceremoniously announces that Lilith forgives Russell and so she does too. Well that was easy. With false modesty, he accepts this forgiveness in a 1980’s Jerry Fallwell/ Tim Baker sort of way because he wants “to let everyone know how awful I feel – not about Roman, that was for the greater good”. He conveniently “universally disavows myself of my statements. I LOVE Lilith. Praise her!” He’s good. He’s very very good. I half expected to see a donation plate being passed around with all of this praisin’, and preachin’, and forgivin’.
Dieter can’t take another moment of this as Salome offers up Lilith’s blood for them to taste on their tongues like 1960’s acid, and as he proclaims all of this as blasphemy (thank goodness Eric and Bill kept their mouths shut for once), Russell calmly unbuttons his jacket and then smashes Dieter’s head so he meets the True Death and conveniently says “May Lilith forgive me”. Nora promptly says “She does. Anyone else?” Nope, no one else.
And then, the episode is no longer boring because Steve Newlin is back with us in his Bill Cosby sweater letting us know “I am like a tree in the wind, I am just so happy to be included”. So are we Steve, so are we. Despite the fact that Eric assured Bill that “it’s not going to do anything” if they taste Lilith’s blood, we next see them high as kites strolling down Bourbon Street. Best part of this? Eric gives our pint size Bill a piggy back ride through the streets. Bromance indeed.
They wind up in a karaoke bar with the singer singing “You light up my life” (Ok, seriously? In New Orleans? This is as crazy as that group of humans was getting in the Big Easy?? You kinda don’t feel sorry for what is about to happen next.) Russell AWESOMELY joins her onstage groovily singing with a microphone in hand and not missing a beat and soon everyone in the club is attacked by the vampires once they recognize who he is.
And jiminy crickets! For the most out there moment in this season so far, Lilith appears to them all (in a vision? in the flesh?) as she rises from a drop of blood from the stage. And she is as nekkid as you can get excpet for being coated in blood all over. Tossing her head back, she mewls out like a wild animal and walks around amongst them – and they go back to feeding on the humans, inspired by this vision. From the looks of her, it’s safe to say Lilith does not practice the… ummmm…. personal hygiene that many women do nowadays. Guess they didn’t tidy up so much back in the dawn of man days. Godric appears to Eric telling him he knows better than to behave like this, and Eric looks up bewildered.
Back in Fairy-ville, Sookie is unconscious while Claude and another fairy are testing her ‘luminescence’ lighting her up like a glow worm, and Jason paces and says “Look, I ain’t ever been to med school or fairy school or nuthin, so if you can put it into terms a laid man can I understand, I’d appreciate it”. Well Jason, I think you just described yourself perfectly without meaning to. When it seems as though her powers are depleting, Jason wonders if they can just “plug her in and charge her”. Sookie awakes VERY grumpily and finds that depleting powers mean she may become normal, and you can tell this is something that she never even imagined could happen. And that this could be a very good thing.
Back in Bon Temps, Sookie visits Luna at the hospital while Sam is there, and she pulls Sam aside and asks him if he could be normal and “have a plain, ole regular life”, would he do so. Sam replies that he “knows the world would be a much safer place for the people I love… and a lot more of them would still be alive today” and that pretty much seals the deal for Sookie and what type of life she thinks she wants to lead. Can’t blame her, really. Other than Jason, no humans related to her have really had a great survival rate around her.
Once we see what Hoyt is up to, I have decided I like Hoyt no more as he assimilates with his buddies that are shooting Supes. Maybe one day he can redeem himself and man up and figure out who he really is without someone TELLING him, but there is just no excuse to join them and he is insane to think there “is more love and more acceptance in this hate group” than he had ever felt before. Crybaby. When the group gets a call from a mysterious “Dragon” (who we know will turn out to be important by the dramatic music that plays), the group finds out that Junior was killed, and their anger intensifies, with Hoyt joining in without really understanding why. Hoyt and the Haters get in the truck, and we are left knowing that this probably isn’t going to end well.
In that hokey barn, Alcide and Rikki are training together for their fight with JD, and when Alicde comes on to her (Sookie who???) and she initially dismisses his advances, I had to agree with JD when he told her in the previous episode, “You way too pretty to not be stupid”. Could she NOT see those abs right in front of her?
But then, her intelligence returns and she lets him kiss her. But, alas, Grandmama Martha saunters into the barn and says something like “Spraigna thard maseeeee” which I translated as “Training hard I see”. She doesn’t believe Alcide when he tells her JD is on V, and insists JD swore on her son’s grave that it wasn’t true. Alcide promptly retorts, “Respectfully Martha, your son doesn’t have a grave cuz y’all ate him”. Well, you can’t argue with that, and I guess that’s why JD can lie to Martha because he’s swearing on a grave that doesn’t exist. Emma comes up in her baby wolf form to Martha, and she picks her up and tells her “let’s go get you something to eat”. Let’s hope it’s puppy chow and not another dead pack member.
However, later on, JD is trying to convince the pack that the End of Days is coming, and they must drink vampire blood to survive. He offers some to Emma, and Martha comes in at the last minute witnessing all of this – and abjures JD as she takes Emma away.
On his own mission, Lafayette goes back down to Mexico to confront Don Bartolo (we know he’s in Mexico because he keeps saying ‘Hola?’ over and over). He finds Jesus’ head on a chair, and also Don’s gun in his face. Bartolo ties LaLa up and sews up his lips and he wants to excise – literally – the magic out of LaLa and put it into his new baby that is about to be born. But just as he goes to cut Lafayette’s head, Baby Mama is having none of it and stabs Don about 142 times. While I don’t speak Spanish, I picked up on the fact that she calls him a name that is not a term of endearment and spits on his dead body. Ok. She’s a little ticked at Bartolo as well, I guess. Don’t blame her. She then gingerly cuts out the stitches on Lafayette’s lips one by one with the knife she used.
Now is when things get ridiculously, campily, fun again. At Fangtasia, Tara is up on the stripper pole (slapping her rear for effect, of course) in what has to be the most UNCOMFORTABLE costume ever of zippers and pleather and boy shorts that have to chafe in the worst way. Seriously, I bet she has to use some serious baby powder to get that thing on. Just like Ross tried to when he got stuck in his leather pants -
Joey – it made a PASTE!!!!!!
I will tell you this – those crazy mothers on Dance Moms have nothing on Pam, because the good vampire-mother that she is, she is silently watching her with pride during her routine, all the while doing her best Dee Snider impersonation from Twisted Sister.
And then Lettie Mae walks in with her bad shoes and even worse wig all dolled up like the she thinks a minister’s wife should be dressed. In usual Lettie Mae fashion, it’s allllll about her again as she asks Tara “how could you do this to me?… I’m a minster’s wife now, I can’t have a daughter of mine being a vampire…and I came here to tell you from this day forward you are dead to me, baby girl”. Awww, well at least she is still her baby girl, albeit a dead one. How sweet. Tara promptly gets back to her stripping, because what else can she do with that?
After witnessing all of this, Pam comforts Tara later by stating “So your mom’s a real bitch…” and let’s Tara know that Lettie Mae is no longer her mom and she won’t even remember her in 100 years. Tara hugs Pam in a genuinely sweet moment (I’ll begrudgingly admit Tara needs some motherly love) –seeking out someone who will love her back for once. Pam doesn’t know what to do with this, and like every good momma would do, she sends her daughter “to get back up on that pole”.
Jason goes to visit Jessica later (who was feeding on a willing human in Bill’s house), to let Jessica know that his parents were killed by a vampire. Jessica insists that not all vampires are the same, yet when she kisses Jason and he tastes that man’s blood, he recoils and challenges her if she even knows the man’s name. When she can’t think of it, she retorts, “and I suppose you know every cow you’ve eaten” – which I did not think was the best analogy for her to use at that moment – and he says “I ain’t never (bleeped) a cow!” After calling him an idiot – which makes him more angry than anything else – she then bites him and he shoots her in the head – you know, just your ordinary everyday Saturday night tussle. She throws him out of the house in time for him to see the sky lit up over at Sookie’s as if mini lightning bolts are short circuiting everywhere. Sookie is standing in the front yard, desperately trying to use up all of her fairy magic reserves by zapping the air so she can – for once and forever – be normal. I have a feeling that NO ONE in that town will ever be normal, so good luck with that.
While it started sluggish, any episode with both Steve Newlin and Russell Edgington – and as bonus Lettie Mae! – isn’t all bad!
Until next week ~