Bachelor Pad ~ Episode 3

This week starts exactly where we left off…

The rose ceremony just ended, Ed is mad because of the number of votes cast against him, Reid is paranoid because he’s thinking he will be outed as the ringleader of “Operation Oust Ed” and Sarah is knee deep in regret soup for having voted for her one-time-drunk-hook-up, Ed.

Got it?


Ed proves to be a little drama when he threatens to his partner, Jaclyn, that he wants to leave.  This is a classic Bachelor/Bachelorette move ~ threaten to leave, so people will beg you to stay.

He goes on saying that he can’t play the game because everyone lies and he can’t deal with the lying.

Ok.  Isn’t this the same Ed that CHEATED on Jillian?

I’m going out on a limb here, but I imagine there was some lying involved in that whole situation.  I mean I could be wrong, but…


Eventually Jaclyn convinced him to stay and he says he definitely needs to “refocus his priorities”.  If these priorities are alcky-hol and dirty hook-ups, he definitely succeeded.


We had a destination competition this week.  The contestants were all taken to a remote “Hot Sludge Funday” obstacle course.  This obstacle course had all the essentials:  hot fudge, ice cream, whipped cream, nuts and cherries.

Plus we got to hear Chris Harrison say “nut sack” a time or two, which is always good times.

The twist here, is that they switch up couples.
Photobucket This worked out well for some people, but others, not so much.

Jamie is particularly unhappy about her partner switch, as she gets stuck with Ed.  Basically Ed sucks at anything that doesn’t involve drunk swimming or snazzy dressing.

He does remind us, though, that he believes he will do great at this challenge because he likes to run.  I don’t think running is going to help so much trying to climb up a hot fudge mountain.
Photobucket When the race started, Jamie gets out to a strong lead which of course Ed blew.  They went from first to last in about as much time as it took Ed to show Sarah his pickle.  That’s no time at all, in case you were wondering.

Ed tells the camera that losing their lead was “the worst thing that has ever happened in his life.”  Now.  Ed’s life must be pretty sweet if that’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you.  Just sayin.

David (the fan) and Rachel won the challenge.


Back at the house David got to choose his date partners…he chose Blakely, because she basically threatened that she would eat his face off if he didn’t choose her,  Jamie and Erica Rose.

The date was “prom” themed, which Jamie was very excited about because she never went to her own prom.  She started crying and telling Dave about her mother leaving her as a teenager and Dave told her that he wanted to give her the rose to save her.  Blakely immediately felt threatened and went on the offense with David telling him that he would go home if he didn’t give her the rose.
PhotobucketDave decided to stay true to his word and give Jamie the rose.
PhotobucketBlakely’s head basically exploded and said that Dave was now on her diarrhea list…whatever that means.

Back at the house the alcohol was flowing and flowing and flowing.

Reid talks to Ed and fools him into believing that he had nothing to do with the votes that were cast for Ed.  Ed believes him completely.

Here’s the deal…on Jillian’s season I loved Reid.  But Bachelor Pad, not so much.  He comes off as vindictive, slimy and insecure.


After their talk, Ed decides he needs to get some drunk booty and zones in on Jaclyn, who is basically in love with him.
They build a weird pillow fort thing and start making lots of Hi-yi-yiii noises, then, in true Ed form, he asks what Jaclyn’s name was.

Aww, that Ed…not sleazy at all.


The next day Rachel gets to choose people to go on her date with her.  Of course she chooses Michael Stag, but then decides to take Tony and Nick, because they haven’t gotten a chance to speak yet on the show.  I honestly forgot Nick was there…

Their date takes them to a Madam Tusseau’s Wax Museum, which is about the creepiest place on earth.  I have been there and don’t see the appeal.

The point of the date was to dress up as wax figures and scare the britches off poor Bachelor fans that come in to see the exhibit.

It was kind of funny, but I have to say, poor, poor Tony.  When an unknowing fan describes him as “a nice word for pathetic” I felt an eensy bit bad for him.

By the end of the date Rachel gives the rose to Michael, no surprise.


Back at the house Jamie decides to go full-court-press on Chris.

I prayed that she wouldn’t do a kissing lesson or lap dance with him, ala Ben, but what ended up happening was even more sad and awkward.

She tells the camera that she wants to fall in love on the show and she wants to show Chris that she is “sexy and a woman and can please him”.  I might have yelled at the tv at this point, “Don’t do it Jamie!  Don’t show him you’re a woman!  Please don’t show him you’re sexy!  Pleasssssssee!”

Well, Chris was on the same page as me and nipped that in the bud.  She walked up to his bed and opened her mouth to speak and he simply said, “Not tonight.  It’s not you it’s me”.

At first Jamie was speechless, then she went into, “I’m not here to fall in love” mumbles.  Well, ok.

Then she does the worst girl move possible.  She gives him an ultimatum.  Basically get with her now, or never again.  He chooses the never again, and she walks away in tears and shame.

She crawls into bed talking to herself, saying how she “could have made it happen, but just decided not to.”  And how she just wants a family for the holidays.

She also decides to sleep in her swim suit…which seems like not such a good plan.

Poor Jamie.  She needs to stay far away from tv shows from now on.

BUT I would like to know the eyelash glue she uses, because she cries a lot and those lashes stay in place.


The next day the “underdog” alliance schemes to vote off Blakely and Ed.  Sarah, still feeling the guilt of voting for Ed in the last rose ceremony runs and tells Ed that Reid is the mastermind behind Ed’s ousting.

Ed is truly confused and doesn’t believe Sarah that Reid would betray him.  I have to say that I felt a little bad for Ed at this point.

Ed confronts Reid later on in the pool and Reid denies everything.  Ed doesn’t believe him and things are not looking good for Reid.
PhotobucketThe night of the rose ceremony everyone is scrambling.  Apparently Michael Stag’s alliance wants to vote off Donna.  Donna has flown under the radar up until this point and really the only reason for her to get the boot is because she’s a “fan”.  It’s an easy out.  Nick decided that he wants to get a little action before she leaves and plays a game of tonsil hockey with Donna, who was itching for a hook-up.

Kalon, who is a floater, relishes the fact that he will be the swing vote for the women and says he “loves watching people’s ‘lifes’ crumble before his eyes”.  See, he could never be a true villian.  True villians speak in proper grammar.  Last time I checked, “lifes” wasn’t a word.  I mean, what if Tony Montana said “Say hello to my littler friend?”  Not as catchy.

Reid decides to make an epically bad game decision, lead by his own ego and go to Jaclyn BEFORE she votes.  He tells her since Ed is going home he wants to be partners with her from this point on.  Why he talked to her before she votes is lost on me.  Cockiness never works out for you on Bachelor Pad.
Jaclyn gets crazy upset at the thought that her partner and fort-buddy Ed, might get the boot, she rallies all the other women around her to vote for Reid.


In the end Donna and Reid go home and you can actually hear Reid’s head deflating.  Such an awkward exit.


Next week looks like a good one with the always uncomfortable questions and answers challenge.

Bachelor Pad airs Mondays at 8/7 Central on ABC

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  1. 1
    Kris says:

    I love to read your recaps…Hilarious.. This show should be on late night after hours cable for all the crazy debauchery going on in that house.
    All I can think of when I watch it, is how proud their mothers must be! LOL, NOT!!! I mean these people could not be more trashy and moral-less, could they? But I have to watch it to see them embarrass themselves. Thanks for you funny recaps.. Kris

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