As you might remember, last week’s episode ended with Michael Staglioni being voted out.
It was shocking, it was devastating, it was all Erica Rose’s fault. Thankfully, she’s gone now too, so I don’t have to hear her condescending nasally voice.
Also, what grown women carry fairy wands and gavels around? Is she Judge Judy or Pinkalicious?
Anyways, this episode picked up where last week left off — the end of the Rose Ceremony.
As Rachel sat and cried, Chris Harrison arrived to give some shocking news — from now on, everyone would be playing as couples. This means voting as couples, playing in competitions as couples and leaving as couples.
Since Rachel and Nick were the only two singles, they were forced to pair up, a fact that Rachel’s alliance wasn’t particularly thrilled with. Naturally, Chris and Sarah went to his bunk bed to hide from the rest of the house while they laughed maniacally and plotted ripping the wings off of butterflies and murdering kittens.
The next morning, a big yellow bus arrived to take the couples to their challenge. The bus took the group to a performing arts center, where they were led into an auditorium that was set up for a spelling bee.
Everyone started panicking immediately. I have to say that I don’t blame them. Doesn’t Bachelor Pad know that spelling isn’t necessary in this day and age? Thanks to Steve Jobs, Apple spells all our words FOR us, duh. What next, building fires without matches? Mule races? Geez…
The spelling bee started with easy words. Each couple took turns going up and had to spell the words together, alternating letters. The first round went smoothly enough, but Blakely was the first one to mess up in the second round.
It turns out, spelling isn’t Blakely’s strong suit. Who would’ve thought?
After basically proving that the Bachelor Pad is full of illiterates, only two couples were left — Jaclyn and Ed and Chris and Sarah.
Naturally, the house was on edge. They desperately wanted Chris out, so Jaclyn and Ed needed to pull off a win desperately. But then Jaclyn decided that FLABBERGASTED was spelled with a silent “h” and the dreams of the house were crushed in an instant.
Blakely started sobbing and compared it to being stabbed in the back twenty times while the knife was twisted around and around. So, it turns out that what Blakely lacks in book smarts, she makes up for in imagination. Well. That’s something, isn’t it?
Chris and Sarah were awarded safety roses and an overnight date starting immediately, while Jaclyn and Ed would receive no roses but an overnight date the following day. The gang left the school with their heads hanging, while Chris and Sarah danced out to their limo, laughing gleefully.
Then I had to go throw up.
Chris and Sarah were taken to a tiny plane (AKA death carrier), which took them to a train in the middle of California wine country. The train took them to a picnic at a lake, so they swam together and had lots of romance, then followed it up with a romantic dinner in a barn where they talked about their relationship. Sarah asked Chris if he was over Emily yet, to which he said he was trying his best and that she was helping him figure things out. Then they talked about how much they liked each other and I didn’t care for it at all. Honestly, the last thing I want to watch right now is Chris Bobblehead enjoying himself.
Then they kissed a lot and shut the doors to the barn they were in. I guess they were sleeping there, which sounds like the least fun thing of all time.
Back at the Bachelor Pad, Rachel was sobbing and telling everyone that she wanted to go home. Obviously Nick was not thrilled about this plan since HER going home would mean HIM going home too. After talking with him, she went to Jaclyn and Blakely, who convinced her to stay and discussed voting Lindzi and Kalon off.
The next morning, Jaclyn and Ed left for their date. The limo took them to a tiny private death plane, which flew them to a dirt runway in the middle of nowhere. After landing and walking through a field, they finally sat down on a blanket and drank wine together as they looked out on the water. All in all, it was pretty romantic.
Ed decided to bring up the incident where he told Chris Harrison that he wasn’t interested in a relationship and made Jaclyn cry in front of everyone. First he apologized, so things seemed to be moving in a positive direction. Then he told Jaclyn that he had been with someone back home, and they basically only broke up so he could be single and hook up on the show. He told Jaclyn that he still had feelings for the girl, had no interest in a relationship with anyone else, and viewed hooking up as just part of the Bachelor Pad process.
Wrong thing to say, much?
Jaclyn was understandably upset by this, saying that she wouldn’t have hooked up with him had she known that there was no chance of it going anywhere. Honestly, it’s never a good idea to hook up with a guy (who already has a bad reputation!!) that you barely know on national television, but whatever. I still felt a little sorry for her just because I know she must be feeling humiliated.
Back at Bachelor Pad, Tony had a private date set up outside for Blakely. He went on to tell her that he wanted a relationship with her outside of the show, which frightened me for his son. Then the camera showed an up close shot of them kissing and I had to go throw up again.
I mean really. Some things just can’t be unseen.
Jaclyn and Ed continued their date with an awkward dinner at a hotel. Jaclyn confronted Ed about his actions to her and his words not lining up. She told him that he shouldn’t be sleeping with her every night, but saying that they aren’t a couple.
Ed immediately went on the defensive, throwing out the classic, “why do we need a label” line.
Ladies…listen. If a man ever tells you that, just run. Run like the wind.
Ed then went on to say that he trusted her more than anyone in the house and by sleeping together they strengthen their bond and trust as a team.
I’m pretty sure that Jaclyn knew he was full of it, but resistance was futile. She gave him a big smooch and they headed towards the hotel together.
The next morning, Jaclyn and Ed arrived back home with roses in tow. The roses were not for them, but to be given out to the couple of their choosing. After talking to everyone individually, they decided to give the roses to Blakely and Tony.
Later that evening it was time for the cocktail party. Kalon and Lindzi were on tap to be voted out, but Kalon tried to do some last minute maneuvering and have Rachel and Nick voted out instead. He underestimated Rachel’s bond with the rest of the alliance though, and he and Lindzi were sent packing.
In a surprisingly human move, Kalon abandoned his individual getaway limo and instead joined Lindzi in hers. Awww….
Next week things get serious as there are only four couples left!! Drama is sure to happen.