The trip to Napa that they have been leading up to all season.
I will tell you I was expecting some mah-jah dah-rama…but this first installment of Jersey goes to Napa was a let down times 1000.
So let’s begin part one of the Napa trip, aka most boring vacation to watch everrrrr. These ladies need to watch a few episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when they went to Hawaii. Now THAT’S a vacation.
First, they all packed. It was the same scenario in every house, sans the Manzos.
The women were over-packing, bringing heels, sparkly bikinis and leopard print. While the men all continually reminded them that they are going camping. In an RV. And apparently the ladies don’t have access to a little website called weather.com, because they had visions of beach-lounging and catching some Caribbean sun while they were in San Fransisco. I am pretty much a slave to the weather sites before I take a vacation…but I guess when you are busy being “Jersey” you don’t have time to check the details.
Speaking of weather, the California trip coincided with Hurricane Irene hitting the east coast. Now, coming from someone who experienced Irene in full force I can say that leaving the area was probably the smartest decision they have made in all their seasons. Luckily we had Doppler “Teresa” Guidice to explain hurricanes to us simple folk…her detailed telling of how hurricanes are wind and rain was really a nice little science lesson that I will tuck away in my back pocket for future reference, whenever I need answers to life’s most obvious questions.
Over in Hoboken Albie decides to ask his girlfriend Lindsey to live with him. Hoping that he can break the news to his mother on the trip to Napa while there are 14 witnesses around. She, of course, accepts, because she is currently homeless.
With the bad weather hitting, the initial departure for California got delayed. Instead of flying out of Newark, they had to re-route to Pittsburgh, which is about a 5 hour drive. From Pittsburgh they had to fly to Houston and then all the way back to San Fransisco. They were determined to get to Napa. Not even a hurricane was going hold them back.
When they all finally reach California they make a pit-stop at Camping World to pick up their RVs and camping supplies for approximately 2000 people. Watching them traipse through the camping supply store you would never know the group is laced with bankruptcy, failing business or potential jail-time. Between all the families they bought 25 grills, games, wood burning stoves, wet wipes, and stuffed animals totally something to the tune of $4500??!? All I could think of was that they weren’t going to be able to bring any of these supplies home. What would happen to all the GRILLS!?
There are 3 RVs between the group, with the Manzos and Lauritas in one, the Gorgas and the Guidices in another and the Wakilis, Greg, Vito and Lauren in another.
There is obviously a learning curve when it comes to driving an RV and in my opinion the windy, cliff driving of the California coast wouldn’t be my first choice to practice…but these jokers are up for anything. Not only do they drive the winding road, they cut cheese with Friday the 13th-like knives while swerving and swaying in the back of the RV. Maybe if Juicy losing a digit to cured meat would have made this vacation slightly more interesting.
When they arrive at the RV park everyone was disappointed and surprised that it was actually an RV Park. They had visions of camping amongst the sequoias in secluded woods with campfires and bear. What they got was a parking lot with other RVs.
Melissa and Teresa (surprisingly getting along) decide to go meet the neighbors and Teresa manages to offend and belittle everyone she encounters. Now, I am not saying that RV camping is something I would be on board for either, but from what I understand, some people really love it. To each his own.
Teresa decides to air her grievances with Kathy, in the most mature way she knows, about Kathy’s recipe comments. Last week Kathy had noticed that the cookies in Teresa’s cookbook were some of the same cookies her mom used to make growing up…of course Teresa took offense to this because, if you didn’t know, Teresa invented cookies…
It was actually semi-adult of Teresa to approach Kathy and want to clear the air, but if we haven’t already learned, the air will always be smoggy when Teresa is concerned. She tells us repeatedly she doesn’t hold onto grudges. No, my friends, she doesn’t hold them, she death-grips them within an inch of their life and then gives them another squeeze.
The first night in the RV wasn’t successful for most. No one slept well, Joe unknowingly turned up the temperature in their RV to a chilly 101°, and Kathy tried to make microwave muffins. I hope that’s not a recipe she plans to use in her bakery.
Finally Teresa and Melissa take a walk on the beach and I knew the drama was about to start.
I was let down. Teresa picked this moment to be as mature as she could possibly be and actually “talk it through” with Melissa.
All in all the trip has been untypically drama (entertainment) free. Hope there’s some more action next week.