OK, this was the episode that I was waiting for.
And while it was filled with arguing and drama, it left me feeling empty on the inside.
Maybe because they were fighting the same fight that they’ve rehashed all season long…maybe because there was no one to root for…
Maybe because I am angry I can’t actually punch Teresa in the face…
Whatever the reason, let’s hit the highlights…
The episode started exactly where last week’s left off, with the super awkward toast Teresa made at dinner. Saying how grateful and happy she was to get to spend time on the vacation with everyone except Kathy.
I honestly thought it was an oversight…BUT I believe that might be giving Teresa too much credit. She excluded Kathy from the toast, and a hundred bucks says she did it on purpose.
After the toast there were lots of silent moments and nervous glances…so leave it to Joe Gorga to try and lighten the mood with a little nakedness. He quickly strips and hops in the hot tub.
Just as soon as things were calming down, Kathy decides to talk to Teresa about Caroline. Honestly, was Kathy REALLY talking to Teresa about Caroline, or was she using Caroline as an excuse to get her feelings off her chest? Because Caroline seems fine “being on the outs”, it seems that Kathy is the one who doesn’t want to feel left out.
The women discussed Teresa and Carolyn’s relationship as if the rest of the group wasn’t 2 feet away, listening to every word. Gossip 101: Talk where no one else is within earshot. Duh.
Caroline managed to not address the conversation for about as long as she could handle, making comments from the sidelines that only Melissa and Jacqueline could hear.
When Teresa left the area to “change robes” Caroline decided she was ready to put her dukes up.
Here’s where the arguing started…and where Jacqueline decided to do the worst “fake-sleeping” act ever in history.
They continued to go back and forth about the magazine deals, the cookbook, the lack of apologies, the non-genuine apologies…
All the things we have heard 4 million times.
In the moment Teresa did seem like she was trying to apologize for the cookbook comments that referenced Caroline only being 1/16 Italian and talking about Christopher’s strip club car wash…but at that point Caroline was having none of it. She didn’t want to hear Teresa’s “sorry” because they were in front of the camera. Only a private conversation done off-camera will rectify this situation according to Caroline.
When talk of the tabloid stories came up it started to get good.
Caroline accused Teresa of selling stories to the tabloids, which Teresa sorta-kinda denied, but then said happened. BUT, in the background Juicy Joe started singing like a canary. He told the men that indeed, they did have a deal with InTouch magazine and they couldn’t help it that Teresa sold more magazines than every celebrity. In an abbreviated version of what he told the men, he said that they make the deal, the magazines say whatever they want and they collect the money. And no one should get upset about it because that’s what the magazines do…it’s not their fault.
Chris then tells Joe that Jacqueline was approached to write a story about Teresa and would get paid $50,000 to do it and she declined. Juicy slurred that he was a moron for turning down the deal…
Then Chris decides to get a little nugget off his chest in the form of Joe telling a bottling company that Chris was a “shady” businessman. Joe, half-denies it and then all the men start kissing each other. How Juicy didn’t get punched in the teeth is beyond me.
Back at the women’s argument they are still talking about the cookbook, Kathy gets her face yanked by Teresa and Albert continues to snore stealthy on the sidelines. Snooze.
Finally after going round and round and round, Juicy comes up and tells Teresa that they are going home because his “business” needs him. I wonder if Teresa knows what “business” means, because after last week’s phone call, business seems like it might mean a “half Spanish, part construction worker, lady lover”.
None the less, Teresa makes some weird squealing noises about how much she misses her girls and does a cartwheel back to her room.
Just when we think the drama is over, Teresa storms back into the room, swearing on her daughters that she has never said anything to the magazines about Caroline directly.
What she fails to understand is that by making the deal, and posing for the photographs, you KNOW that things will be said, and you’re condoning it to a certain extent.
There are so many way that Teresa could make the situation better…like, “Hey, yeah..so I posed for the magazines, and although I didn’t say those things directly, the magazine printed them and I still collected money. It’s dirty business, but I am broke and have a giant New Jersey mansion that I have to keep running. Please forgive me.”
That would literally be the end of the story.
But then things would probably be boring if we were dealing with sane people.
Finally Joe and Melissa feel the right thing to do is leave with Teresa and Joe and they all ditch Napa for a early flight back to The Garden State.
Next week, Caroline’s sister Dina makes an appearance, which should be interesting. Maybe we’ll get to the details behind the rift between Dina and Caroline.
Things I want to know…
- Whose side are you on? Teresa or Caroline?
- Is Kathy a peacekeeper or a manipulator?
- Did you agree with Jacqueline’s sleep it out technique?
- Does Caroline need to get over the cookbook stuff already?