This episode was so uncomfortable to watch.
I am not kidding.
The Bachelor franchise has perfected the awkward moment on television…or in this case, awkward momentssss.
We picked up right after Kalon and Lindzi got the boot. No one was too upset.
The next morning the couples woke up to their next challenge.
Chris Harrison popped in and revealed a twist in the game…that the winners of the challenge would not get a rose, but would win the ability to kick another couple, of their choosing, off the Pad.
Everyone gasped and then went and packed.
Once the challenge began the couple walked outside to see a trapeze-ish contraption set up that one partner had to sit/hang on as the other partner answered Bachelor Pad History questions. It was called “Hanging by a Thread” of self respect. Ok, I added that last part. It was just “Hanging by a Thread.” At this point, Nick and Rachel weren’t gelling like a “solid” couple would, with Rachel reminding us every 3 seconds that Michael was THE BEST partner and she MISSES him and the house IS NOT THE SAME and SHE FEELS SO ALONNNNE.
Anyway, the challenge proved challenging for Blakeley. Apparently “questions” aren’t her strong suit. She and Tony were out first, followed by Rachel and Nick and finally Ed and Jaclyn.
They go inside the house to slobber on each other and pretend-deliberate over who they are going to ask leave. We all know it’s Blakely and Tony…honestly, stop wasting my time.
When the right amount of time has passed to make it look like a difficult choice, Chris and Sarah go outside and Chris makes the worst speech of all times.
He bobbleheaded his way to Blakely and Tony and said that “it’s not personal”, but they need to go. Blakely broke down and cried and Tony, convinced that he is her “knight in shining armor”, told her that sometimes you win more than just the money. By this I assume he means Blakely, and not the tan, or the male-grooming techniques he’s picked up while he was there.
On a side note, did anyone notice Ed’s pedicure flip flops that he was wearing? I always knew I would come across someone wearing those in real life.
The group takes a limo to a famous theater in LA and walks in to hear Night Ranger sing what was left of their credibility goodbye…otherwise known as “Sister Christian”.
Ed reminds us that he runs by telling us that Sister Christian is on his running playlist. I will again, question Ed’s athleticism by what happened when he and Jaclyn were on stage. One might think that he had never once heard the song before…but I’m getting a little ahead of myself here…
Night Ranger introduced themselves to the group, although I think the keyboardist was AJ McClean from BSB in disguise….and told them that the next night they would be performing their iconic song in front of a crowd and NR would be judging their performance.
Ed is convinced they will do great, because this song is on his running playlist and also because it’s more about the “choreography”…AND he wants to make sure he includes his signature “knee slap” in the routine. Yes, he really said that.
All the couples are given voice coaches and they get to work. Chris basically thinks he is Pavarotti and blames their potential downfall on Sarah’s bad singing. Ok, does this guy live in real life? I wish wish wish I could have been a fly on the wall in his room when he was watching this episode back. MOTORINNNNNNNNN…
Next up was Ed and Jaclyn. I could. not. wait. I was dying to see Ed’s knee slap move more than anything. However I was let down. Here’s what happened…Jaclyn missed her opening cue asked to start over and then they both started singing, “Can We Start over” to the tune of Sister Christian. When they realized there was no way ABC would allow them to redeem themselves they tried to make the best of the moment and started dry humping each other on stage. People, it was bad.
Finally Chris and Sarah took the stage. Chris’s weird false sense of confidence make him impossible to look at. It’s completely hard to describe his mannerisms and equally uncomfortable to watch. They foxtrot on stage and start singing. But what happens is, Chris sings the high notes and Sarah sings the low. So basically, Chris sang the girl part and Sarah, the guy’s.
When Sarah realized that Chris wasn’t going to do much of anything besides stand in the background in his shirtless vest, and play air guitar, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Bad call, Sarah. She was wearing these pants that were basically the teal version of Sandy’s from Grease and she started shaking and jumping and around like she was having seizures. It seemed to last an eternity.
When the terror was over, the Night Ranger guys gave Ed and Jaclyn a “Bless Your Heart” and Chris and Sarah an “A” for effort, but ultimately awarded the roses to Rachel and Nick.
This immediately sent Nick into Prosecutor mode..pleading his case why it would be moronic to take Jaclyn and Ed to the finals and not Chris and Sarah.
Rachel was very hesitant about this because she and Jaclyn are BFF. While she seemed very upset about voting Jaclyn off, she couldn’t really argue with Nick about it being the right move. Makes me wonder if the same thing would have happened if Michael was still there.
Long story short, Jaclyn and Ed got the boot. Jaclyn stormed off, feeling betrayed by her bestie. She let us know that Rachel was “dead to her”, which is life my favorite line ever.
Next week looks epic. For real.
We have the winner announced, a reunion and some mahjah drama between Rachel and Michael. CAN. NOT. WAIT.