I’m pretty sure that The Bachelor Pad finale was filmed on Opposite Day.
Ed and Jaclyn and Tony and Blakely were probably the most likeable people there.
Micheal Stagliano was a complete and total jackwagon.
Yes, I said jackwagon. It’s a real thing you can say.
The episode started off by introducing everyone, then going over the couples that got together in the house.
Kalon and Lindzi confirmed that they ARE, in fact, still together, although they didn’t seem completely affectionate or convincing. Erica Rose then announced that she has seen Kalon around town with other women, while Lindzi sat looking like a deer in headlights and Kalon made no real attempts at vindicating himself.
They’re so over, it’s obvious.
Next up was Michael, who was questioned by Chris about his and Rachel’s relationship status. Aaaaaand apparently they are no longer together. He tried to explain that he was not on the Bachelor Pad to “find a wife” and that he and Rachel weren’t on the same page about their relationship…but basically he came across like a giant dirt bag. Video from the show showed him professing how he “was on the show to find LOVE, not money this time” and constantly reassuring Rachel that he was crazy about her and they would absolutely have a relationship outside of the show. Cut to footage of him telling Erica Rose that he wasn’t really crazy about Rachel, and now telling Chris Harrison that he was upfront all along…
Not good, Michael. You’re dead to me.
Next, Chris talked to Jaclyn, who explained that she was still hurt over Rachel choosing Sarah and Chris to go to the finals. I have to admit, I felt really sorry for her, and felt like she kind of got a raw deal. Apparently Jaclyn and Rachel are back on speaking terms but their friendship has suffered from the betrayal.
Sigh. Things aren’t going so well for Rachel so far, are they?
Next up was Blakely, who is still going strong with Tony.
Am I the only person shocked by this? Is he the same guy who went home crying on Emily’s season because he missed his son? What??
Footage was shown of the rivalry between Jamie and Blakely, and both tried to explain away their issues, claiming they didn’t have any problems with one another. It was obvious that neither could stand the other though, and Jaclyn, in what was the best line of the night, butted in and told Jamie “you are socially awkward”.
Then Jamie disappeared in a cloud of smoke and went back to living in her genie bottle.
Blakely went back to talking about Tony and their love, getting choked up while she described him. Again, is he the same person from Emily’s season or does he have a show tunes doppelganger? I was a little confused by his choice of clothing.
Tony and Blakely then told the group that they had a big announcement to make — they are living together!!
The group tried to act super happy for them, while discreetly making calls to Child Protective Services.
Then the unthinkable happened.
Blakely happily accepted, and Opposite Day was in full effect.
Finally, the two final couples were brought out.
Rachel was immediately asked about her feelings for Michael and what happened after the show. In my opinion, she let him off easy. Homegirl has had weeks to come up with witty insults and way to divulge his deep dark secrets on national television, but she mostly just sat and cried while Michael stammered and tried to make it look like he did nothing wrong.
Next we moved on to Chris and Sarah. It was kind of inferred that they are still an item, but Chris never actually asked, which I thought was a bit odd.
Chris was repentant about his behavior on the season (I’m sure this had NOTHING to do with the fact that he was relying on votes to win a huge chunk of cash), and said that his family had been extremely disappointed in him. Sarah remained supportive throughout the criticism of the jury, although she had the expression of sucking a lemon permanently plastered across her face.
Did she always look like that? What was the deal?
Finally…it came time for the votes.
First came the part where the jury gets the question the two couples. Obviously, this is just an excuse for them to air their grievances and revel in having the upper hand. I mean really…does anyone really decide or change their vote based on the contestants answers? These people know who they will vote for before they even show up, and we all know it.
After Chris pitifully and unsuccessfully tried to convince everyone that he and Sarah deserved their vote, and Rachel tried to show remorse over the Jaclyn situation, the voting began.
Rachel and Nick won easily, while Chris and Sarah sat awkwardly, looking like they knew there was no point in even being there. They were basically a prop.
Next up was the last stage of the voting process that is normally a formality — both winners go behind closed doors and decide whether to keep or share the money. If both choose Keep, neither gets it. If both choose Share, they share, and if one chooses Keep and one chooses Share, the one who chose Keep gets it all.
Of course, logic tells us that this is something the couples discuss beforehand, and choosing anything other than Share is not only shady, but a huge gamble. Everyone ALWAYS chooses Share, so while they sit in the room pretending to stress over their choices, we roll our eyes and know better.
Rachel and Nick emerged, holding their hidden signs. Rachel, after giving a speech pretending to have really considered her options, shows that she decided to share the money with Nick.
Then it was Nick’s turn.
After staying silent for most of the finale, he launched into a tirade. According to him, Rachel never wanted him as a partner, no one in the house respected him, laying low and doing nothing was his genius strategy, and basically, he’s the best to ever play the game!!
I sat there staring at the TV wondering who this person was and if he was about to start punching people or something? He seemed almost enraged.
Then he revealed his card. He would NOT be sharing the money. He would be keeping it.
Rachel sobbed furiously, having lost both Michael AND $125,000.
Everyone was in shock and angry, except for Chris and Kalon, who twirled their Villain Pinky Rings and congratulated Nick on his win.
Nick wasted no time in getting off stage. As firm as he seemed in his conviction that he deserved ALL the money, I found it odd that being around Rachel made him so uncomfortable.
Rachel rushed back stage to confront him, where it was confirmed that they had been talking since the last episode and had both promised to choose “share”. Knowing what she would do, Nick felt confident in choosing Keep and being a self proclaimed “Schmuck with $250,000″.
Stagliano tried to act like he felt sorry for Rachel but honestly…save it Stag. You’re a jerk, and half contributed to this sorry situation.
Then Nick rushed off in his limo before he could be confronted by an angry mob. What a wimp.
As much as I HATED what went down, this was by far the best episode of Bachelor Pad ever.
What are your thoughts? Is Stag a giant jerkface or was Rachel just confused?
Did Nick do the right thing?
I’d love to hear your opinions!!