The Real Housewives of New Jersey ~ Episode 18

It feels like forever since my last recap!!

We left off right after the Napa trip…where Teresa and Caroline had their throw-down by the hot tub.

Now we’re back in New Jersey and it’s back to school time.  All the families are getting their little ones ready for the bus.

Too bad their driveways are 4 miles long…The Gorgas missed the bus.

I’m thinking that maybe they should have spent less time that morning recapping their trip with each other, than getting out the door on time.

Joe and Teresa did it the right way (gasp!) and talked after the girls were off to school.  Imagine that.  AND Juicy made the girl’s lunches, which was kind of nice.  I can’t believe I just said that.

But that’s the end of the Guidice compliments…as soon as Joe was allowed to open his mouth he reminded us why he’s the resident dill hole…He told Teresa to shut up, he called Kathy a frog and a “stress doll”, he told Caroline to go “dye her hair”…which is a fairly lame insult…Actually Teresa tried to clarify his insult by asking him if he saw her roots…but no.  Just “go dye your hair”, Caroline.

Teresa then tells everyone in an interview that Joe is “so smart”, and when he says something it’s “always right”.

Here’s the thing…does Teresa KNOW Joe?  Like AT ALL?  Or does she just live in an alternate reality where she thinks people will believe things just because she says them.

Next there were lots of at-home visits to each others houses..Jacqueline went to Melissa’s, Teresa went to Kathy’s and then Melissa went to Caroline’s.  They all talked about the trip and it was all super boring.

On a side-note Caroline got tapped to do a Sirius Radio show because her local NJ radio show gig went well…She and her family took the trek into NYC and everything was going fine.  Until they went on the air.

People.  It was so bad.  Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe…

No one called in to ask questions, which left Caroline to fill in all the dead air with random babbling…occasionally throwing it over to Albert, which produced a few inaudible grunts.  Even Mr. Personality, Christopher, had nothing to say.  It was a radio producer’s worst nightmare.

And for comic relief this episode Richie and Kathy took Victoria down to Maryland and DC to tour the University of Maryland campus.  Richie always cracks me up.

Back in New Jersey Teresa was having the Fabelinni launch party for her new line of sparking wine.  Now, I don’t know much about wine, or Fabellini-ness…but her wine appears to be a  Boone’s Farm situation…

She wanted to keep the launch party small, only close friends and family…which translates into she didn’t have a budget for a big party.  I mean, when does Teresa CHOOSE to do anything “small”.  And by family and “close friends” she means a bunch of people we don’t know and a few Liza Minnelli impersonators looking to get hammered on Sparkling Wine, or whatever else is available.  From the number of people asking for an alternate drink, I can only assume Fabellini might not be a huge hit.  Take THAT Bethenny!

Finally, the part of the episode that was promo’d the heaviest.  Caroline’s sister Dina showed up to the party.

She sauntered into the party, promptly twisting her ankle, falling and knocking over the red carpet backdrop.  It was amazing.

I’m not a Dina fan, honestly…so I loved every awkward second.

When she finally teetered into the party she quickly found Teresa, making creepy amounts of eye contact and promptly told her Fabellini makes her burp.

Hilar.

Teresa then goes on to tell Dina about the Napa trip and how Caroline is angry about her cookbook.  Dina pretends like she has no idea what she’s talking about..cookbook?  Caroline who?  I was trying to listen to them both, but I was so distracted by Teresa’s smudged eyeliner I might have missed a good portion of the convo.

Then, Dina made passive-aggressive comments about how those cookbook comments wouldn’t bother her…but THEN goes onto say that is Teresa writes anything like that about her in her next book she’ll break her legs.

I wonder if I think super hard if I can will Teresa to write something about Dina.  Let’s all do it together.  We can make it happen.

I mean, it’ll only be a jokkkke.

Next week Poshe Kim is back on the scene, which is always amazingly uncomfortable.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays on Bravo at 10/9 C

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.