It’s that time of year — the POSCHE FASHION SHOW!!!
Don’t act like you haven’t been waiting for this for months.
Honestly, any episode of RHONJ featuring Kim D makes me shudder, but homegirl knows how to bring the drama, so whatevs. After the last couple of boring episodes, I feel like we are due some spicing up.
The episode started off with a recap of the drama and animosity between Caroline and Teresa (foreshadowing, much?)
We then went to Melissa’s house, where she was getting ready to meet a record label Vice President. What I’m sure they DIDN’T tell us, is that said Vice President sells CDs out of his trunk, but that’s a minor detail.
As Melissa was getting ready, who should call but…Kim D!! Apparently Kim had been spreading some gossip about Melissa and Joe and wanted to apologize for “putting her nose where it didn’t belong”. Which must mean that she removed it from Teresa’s behind.
What?!?! I so did not just say that.
Anyways — Kim D’s olive branch? Inviting Melissa to her annual fashion show!! Honestly, we all know this is no attempt at making amends. Mad drama occurs at every Posche fashion show, and Kim is setting the scene for major publicity.
Cut over to Mansion de Guidice, where Teresa and Joe were attempting to give the girls Italian lessons, which translates to the girls were being disrespectful and running wild. Gia, wearing shorts that are only appropriate on Hooter’s girls, took over the lessons, while Joe fed another of the girls what looked to be either a bottle or sippy cup. Honestly, I don’t even understand that place. Teresa and Joe sleep in separate beds, Gia dresses like a 23 year old, and their 4-5 year old is still bottle fed… it’s a little too much to wrap my brain around. Thankfully, Kim D showed up to add more chaos to the chaos, informing Teresa that she had invited Melissa, Caroline, and Jaqueline to the fashion show.
The next part of the show was just a bunch of boring filler – Caroline and the fam went to Albie and Christopher’s apartment, where Lindsey was attempting to cook them breakfast. Kathy and Rich met with Bindi Flavorings to discuss a new partnership (true to form, Rick made sexual remarks that made everyone feel gross and awkward), and Melissa and Joe met with some record label people at the Russian Tea Room to discuss “her career”. AGAIN. Blah blah blah, she compared herself to Christina Aguilara and I am officially crossing my fingers that Melissa finds a new calling that doesn’t involve whipping her hair dramatically over her face or auto tune.
Next, Jaqueline and Caroline went to Posche together to try on clothes. I held my breath for some major drama but…nothing.
NOT. A. THING.
Jaqueline tried on a dress, the girls discussed seating arrangements, and Kim D did her best to appear normal and non psychotic but as usual, failed miserably.
Then came more filler — Jaqueline and Melissa went to Teresa’s house for a play date with the kids, where Jaqueline kept to herself which irritated Teresa. Caroline and Lauren visited the site of her new shop, where Caroline wondered when Lauren would get some self esteem.
I kind of wanted to park Caroline in front of the television and show her all the “Lauren is fat” episodes of RHONJ. I mean, really… is Caroline THAT clueless?
The episode wore on, and as I looked at the time remaining, I began to get a little panicky, as the chances for major drama were dwindling.
Then Kim G and Teresa went to the spa to have their make up done for the fashion show…and who should approach the ladies but a man claiming to have hired Melissa as an exotic dancer in the past?
Kim G practically started salivating and foaming at the mouth after hearing the news. Teresa, to her credit, quickly shut the guy down, telling him that she didn’t want to participate in disrespectful discussions about her family.
I suspect she pulled him aside off camera and got his story voice recorded to her phone. Leopards don’t change spots that quickly, after all.
Kim G, however, showed no shame in her game and pumped him for more information. According to him, Melissa worked as an exotic dancer for about 8 months and was a customer favorite. Maybe that’s where she learned the angry face hair whipping thing?
Finally everyone headed to the show. All the girls crammed into a booth together, where they pretended to like each other and be friends. Honestly — what is the point? If I don’t like someone, I don’t share a booth and eat meals with them…but who knows, maybe I’m doing it wrong.
In a shocking turn of events, the ladies were approached by a Joe Guidice doppelganger…he has a brother named Pete!! It was basically the creepiest thing ever, because he looked identical to Joe without the angry scowl or mean voice. It was majorly unsettling.
With about a minute and a half remaining, it finally looked like we were going to be given a Majah Dramah Moment — Gentlemen’s Club/Spa man Angelo approached the table, asking Melissa if she remembered him. Teresa sat there trying to hide her excitement, Melissa looked uncomfortable, and the other girls were completely oblivious. After giving him the brush off, Angelo walked away, and we were left with a To Be Continued…
Next week looks like we may get some actual drama when Teresa finally confronts Melissa about Angelo. We’ll see!!