The episode opened with Sean shirtless and working out.
Of course. OF COURSE!! Lest we forget he has muscles.
Already, he is stressing over the number of women he feels a connection with. Poor Sean…you’d think he was The Bachelor or something.
Back at the mansion, Chris Harrison was doing his best to incite a riot by reminding the women to “make the most” of their time with Sean, so they’d make an impression.
He then left a date card behind, which was addressed to Leslie M, the Arkansan living in DC. The card said, “How long will this love last?” and of course it immediately got all the women guessing. I’m pretty sure some of them cried after the limo left.
Sean and Leslie arrived at the Guinness Book of World Records museum in Hollywood. Leslie pretended that she was a little disappointed, but you KNOW she knew that something else was coming.
Sean then revealed to Leslie that his dad held a Guinness World Record — he drove the 48 states in the shortest amount of time. Then he told her that they would be trying to set a record of their own…for the World’s Longest Onscreen Kiss.
In front of a screaming crowd.
Nope, not awkward at all.
(and for the record, while I believe that there are men who can make unbuttoned vests “happen”, Chris Harrison is decidedly not one of them)
In order to beat the record, Sean and Leslie had to kiss for 3 minutes and 16 seconds. I have to say, making two people completely sick of kissing each other by their first date is good romantic strategy. Not.
Chris Harrison stood by, staring and shouting out the time at various intervals. It was creepy and frankly, I didn’t care for it at all. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS????
Sean and Leslie beat the record, and continued kissing for several seconds afterward. Overkill much? With swollen lips, they then accepted their prestigious award.
Back at the mansion, the group date card arrived addressed to Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H, Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsey, Daniella, Jackie and Tierra. Of course, all the women acted excited but we all know that no one loves a group date.
Sean and Leslie then met on top of the Roosevelt hotel for drinks. They talked about love, marriage…you know, normal first date stuff. Sean gave Leslie the rose and they ended the date with more smooching while confetti showered them. Not sure what that was about, but whatever. Random confetti from the sky happened.
The next day, the women met Sean on the beach for a group date. Kristy the model was wearing a bandana headband, circa 1987. I’m fairly certain she is actually a model for Jordache, and has time traveled to the future to star on The Bachelor.
Chris Harrison, making another daring fashion choice in a pink button down, magically appeared on the beach, informing the women that they would be competing in a round of beach volleyball. The losing team would be leaving the date immediately.
The volleyball game was super intense. The red team lost, and the women pouted and cried. Kristy was particularly upset, but I suspect that’s because she’s not used to the 2000′s. No more hair teasing, Brett Michaels has Botox, and the flying cars that were promised are nonexistent. It’s an adjustment for sure.
The women who won got to join Sean back at his house. Lindsay (wedding dress girl) spent some alone time with Sean, and they actually seemed to have a connection. Maybe she’s not a fluke like we thought? They kissed, and Sean led with his tongue as per usual.
Did she know that was a Guinness World Record winning tongue? Because he sort of failed to mention it.
Back at the mansion, another date card arrived, addressed to Ashley. Tierra read the card and pretended that it was also addressed to Selma, which no one seemed to find very humorous. Personally, I think Tierra was just mad because her team lost at volleyball.
The group date continued, and Sean spent one on one time with each of the women. There was lots of kissing and marriage talk involved.
Kacie’s time with Sean was particularly awkward…she approached him about drama between Desiree and Amanda. Of course, this came with a disclaimer from her, stating how much she hates drama. The whole thing was super confusing to me, and Sean seemed pretty irritated. He then told her she was acting like a crazy person, which isn’t very promising for a first date. Sean ended up giving the group date to Lindsey, which isn’t much of a surprise, considering.
Kacie went and cried, knowing that she pretty much messed up huge time.
The next morning, Ashley prepared for her date. While this was happening, Tierra fell down the staircase right before Sean’s arrival. And when I say right before, I mean RIGHT BEFORE. Sean walked in to Tierra at the foot of the stairs and the camera men hovering over her like no biggie. An ambulance was called and a dazed Tierra was strapped into a stretcher against her will. She threw a fit, and they finally unstrapped her and let her stay home.
The women quickly interpreted Tierra’s refusal to go to the hospital as crying wolf. Did she fall on purpose to get attention from Sean? I’m thinking maybe she did. Sean snuggled up with Tierra and gave her sympathy, while Ashley sat in the house, waiting to go on her date.
Sean and Ashley finally left for their date. The arrived at Six Flags, which they had all to themselves. It turned out that they were sharing their date with two chronically ill teenagers, who love theme parks and The Bachelor. The two girls had become friends online, and were meeting in person for the first time. I have to admit, this was one of the coolest dates I’d seen in a long time.
I might have cried a tiny bit when the two girls met each other for the first time.
The date ended with a private concert by the Eli Young Band. I thought it was really sweet, but private concerts always feel awkward. I wish The Bachelor would just eliminate them completely. Isn’t there another cool way to end dates? Pie, perhaps? A visit from Alec Baldwin? A rousing game of Scrabble?
Sean and Ashley then had some time alone, where they talked about having babies, and normal stuff that you talk about with someone you barely know. Sean gave the rose to Ashley, insuring that she will be around another week.
Also, Ashely says she’s falling in love with Sean.
Stop it. Just stop.
Finally it was time for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. Sean started things off with a surprise for Sarah…because she didn’t get a date all week, he had a limo pull up that had her dog in it. I have to say, it was a pretty sweet gesture. I’m sure when the other women saw it, they cried and started lighting themselves on fire or falling down the stairs on purpose.
During the cocktail party, Tierra’s time with Sean was interrupted…and she was NOT happy. She cussed and made an evil face and I basically decided that she needs to go home. Tierra decided to go steal him away again, which was incredibly weird…is Sean not picking up on her dramatics yet?
The night proceeded in that fashion — girls being more pushy than usual, and Sean being interrupted and being forced into one conversation after another. Girls were getting upset, wine was flowing, and I was desperately hoping for a dramatic meltdown from someone.
Kacie, still stewing over her dramatics on her last date with Sean, pulled him aside to apologize. It basically just made things worse. Her time with him was interrupted by two girls, and that was that.
Finally, it was time for the rose ceremony. Leslie M., Lindsey and Ashely stood there smugly holding their roses.
Right as Sean was about to hand out the roses, he asked to see Kacie in private. The women frantically began loud whispering to one another.
Sean took Kacie outside and told her that he only viewed her as a friend. Kacie got in the limo and went home…and I can’t say that I blame him.
Roses were given to:
Taryn, the health care manager went home. She seemed semi normal, so I kind of hated that.
Kristy, the model went home too. I was not sad about that at all.
The remaining women toasted and cheered. Of course, 99% of them will end up crying in the back of a limo, so they need to just get over themselves.
The next episode looks great — Sean tastes chocolate, things get violent at roller derby, and Tierra goes psycho. Yay!!