Here we are again…
You guys, these girls….THESE GIRLS!
Well, let’s get to Monday night’s episode and all it’s Derby Drama…
Chris Harrison enters the mansion and states the obvious, as usual. There are 13 women left…thanks Chris for telling us.
He also leaves a date card. He needs to earn that salary, guys.
The date card is for Selma…”Let’s turn up the heat”
Selma seems very cute. And is ready for babies.
The other ladies are typically upset…the Poker Dealer girl taking it the hardest. And by the way, doesn’t she look exactly how a Poker Dealer girl should look? It’s awesome.
Selma dresses up in her yoga best and gets in the limo with Sean…and does her best to slip her weight in the conversation. 110 pounds. Thanks for that Selma.
The limo whisks them off to an airplane where she tests the boundaries of keeping her seat belt buckled.
The plane drops them in the desert. Cue the desert music. Selma is visibly disappointed, feeling puffy and not excited about the possibility of sweating.
She also lets us know she doesn’t do well in heat. I feel ya Selma.
Sean lets her know they will be rock climbing. As cute as Selma is, I’m thinking that these 2 won’t be a good match in the long run. Selma isn’t an “outdoorsy” type, which I completely understand.
Anyhow they make it to the top. And look at on a lot of brown dead earth. Glorious.
They get to “clean up” and have dinner together. As they pull up to their dinner venue I suddenly have flashbacks of Tony and Blakely and that awkward Bachelor Pad moment of yore.
For those of you who have a life, and didn’t spend the latter part of your summer at The Bachelor Pad, they pulled up to a weird faux-trailer park.
Selma pretends that it’s cute and kitchy. Next, Selma surprised me major by telling Sean her family is Muslim and very strict and actually refuses a kiss. Cah-razzzy.
I kinda like Selma…I hope that Sean will be able to be patient.
Selma gets a rose.
Back at the mansion the group date card comes…Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Amanda, Ashely, Sarah and Tierra…”I am looking for a woman who can roll with the punches.”
Sean meets the ladies at the Roller Derby warehouse.
Tierra lets us know that she has some built up aggression from living in the house…luckily her “fall down the stairs” last week didn’t prohibit her from participating.
Amanda tells the other girls that she has participated in Roller derby before, which is a lie. I guess she was trying to intimidate the girls..and when Robyn falls down in her skates Amanda chalks that up to being “totally in her head”….OR, Amanda, it might be possible that she fell BECAUSE SHE’S ON ROLLER SKATES…just going out on a limb there.
Amanda is weird.
Sarah has some balance issues beyond what all the other girls are dealing with and this whole scenario just seems mean. Besides feeling insecure of having to roller skate, the fact that she only has one arm is even more on display than ever.
Sean pipes in that he wants her to give it a shot, because he knows that she will feel a real sense on accomplishment. I kinda hated him here. I don’t like when other people (who barely know you, btw) try and decide what will give you a sense of accomplishment.
He eventually let her off the hook and told her she didn’t need to do it.
I thought this whole part was just unnecessary for Sarah.
And back to Amanda. As she’s showing off she totally wipes out. I get instantly annoyed because when these girls get a hangnail they call the paramedics. Homegirl bumped her chin. The end.
Sean decided that the Roller Derby might cause too many scraped knees, cues the “Foolish Heart” and takes it old-school with a free-skate.
Later that night they go to a Hotel rooftop to have some drinks and hot-tubbing.
Amanda show up on the rooftop and is *SHOCKER* totally fine. She lets us know that she will milk the sympathy card for all it’s worth and then makes some weird tonsil references. Dude, she is creepy. Like kill you in your sleep creepy.
Speaking of creepy, Tierra decides now is the time to unleash the crazy. She feels like the best way to get the desired reaction from Sean is to tell the Producers she wants to go home. Sigh, Tierra…we’ve seen this move before. After she cried torture and abuse, she decides to talk to Sean just as he’s about to get in the hot tub…basically popping out of a dark corner to grab him.
Of course Sean doesn’t see the crazy, and asks her to stay. Not only that, he gives her THE ROSE! She mwahahaha’s her genius plan in the stairwell, while the other women are completely shocked. Sigh.
Back at the mansion the other one on one date card arrives…”Could this be forever?” for Leslie H. The date card arrives with jewelry also..score.
Sean picks her up and whisks her to Rodeo Drive to do a Pretty Woman shopping spree.
This is the date Selma wished for, minus Sean’s vest.
Next Sean takes her to Neil Lane to get a necklace and I just wanted her to speak up in the name of fashion. A bracelet! A ring! Because that necklace they gave her and the neckline on that dress. Too much. But you know, no one asked me.
They sit down to eat dinner and have conversation that felt a little foreshadowy to me…”looks good on paper”, “doesn’t work out”…drop hints much, Sean?
Of course we all know Leslie isn’t going to get the rose…
And then she has to give the necklace back and it was really awkward.
And THEN the musical guest had to sing to no one. And THAT was really awkward.
And THENNNN he drops the rose dramatically from the railing and that wasn’t really that awkward. It was a little Mesnicky. And corny.
Finally it’s time for the rose ceremony.
And we finally get to the part of the episode where I closed my eyes and said, “Make it stop”.
Robyn seems cute and nice, but I cringed during that kiss. Literally cringed.
Tierra then decides that she needs to “squash” her issues with Robyn. She lets us all know she is here to win, and she will fake apologize to make sure the “high school pity stuff” doesn’t get in her way. This girl is annoying on so many levels.
So Amanda didn’t get a rose. He had better sleep with one eye open.
Next week we have 2 episodes to cover and there looks like there is gonna be some major Tierra medical drama.