Part 2 of the 2 date Bachelor Event!!
We are still in the outdoors, but the outdoors now are in Canada.
So Montana, Canada…
Umm, I’m thinking they should have stayed in Los Angelos.
Chris Harrison makes the first of his tri-episode appearances. He announces where they are and welcomes the ladies to Lake Louise.
The first date card showed up and it’s for Catherine. “Let’s find our fairytale ending”.
Wait who? Catherine? Have we met her yet?
For Catherine’s date they make her stand in the middle of a blizzard waiting for Sean to descend from the sky. No, I’m serious.
But alas, Sean shows up in a giant snow bus thing and tells Catherine that they were going to go climb a glacier.
Honestly Catherine seemed happy about it. She seems like a regular, nice girl. Good for her.
In the midst of the blizzard, Sean pulls out a toboggan and pulls Catherine an exciting 15 feet in the snow, they do somersaults, make snow angels and Catherine gets a quick glimpse as to what Sean will look like with white hair.
I guess they had fun?
Later that night, after she had some time to thaw out and clean up her eyeliner they met for dinner. Sean insists on not letting this girl stay indoors and takes her to an “Ice Castle”.
They literally had to chip ice from the side table to add to their wine. All those things happened…ice in wine chipped from an ice table. Also, ice in wine in 20 degree weather? Confusing.
And was that a rose frozen in the side of the ice castle??
Also Sean’s scarf. That is all.
Catherine decides that now is the time to show Sean the “serious” side of her and tells him about this one time..at summer camp…
Ok, I kid.
A girl that Catherine went to summer camp with died because a tree fell on her during a hike. Now, you don’t have to tell me twice! I’ve been saying all along that hiking is bad for my health. I now this know to be true. Thanks for the PSA Catherine.
Apparently this lesson taught Catherine that she needs to marry Sean.
Sean pulls out a thawed out rose and gives it to Catherine.
Back at the hotel the group date card comes…Tierra, Sarah, AshLee, Lindsay, Selma, Lesley and Daniella. “Let’s bare our souls”
Also, can we just talk about this really quick? The date card…either Sean has insanely girly handwriting, or SHOCKER Sean doesn’t actually write the cards.
I am just thinking, couldn’t he take the time to write the card? Isn’t it supposed to be from him? It would take 3 seconds!
Ok, so back to the group date. Desiree’s name wasn’t on the date card, meaning that she gets another one on one date. Daniella was upset about this, having never had a one on one yet…
But I mean, we all know Daniella isn’t gonna win this show. Doesn’t she?
On the group date the ladies meet Sean on a dock.
Sean tells the girls that they are going canoeing. WHY BACHELOR PRODUCERS ARE YOU DOING THIS TO SARAH???
Roller Derby, Oaring , sawing wood and now canoeing…it’s just MEAN! MEANNNNN!
Lesley does the quick 2+2 math to figure out that Sean’s boat will have an open spot and jumps in his boat. The other ladies roll their eyes and curse their math teachers of year’s past.
Selma doesn’t take too well to Lesley’s genius math skills and prays for an alligator to jump out of the water and eat her. Also, Selma…they are in Canada. In the freezing weather. There are no alligators.
This is why you’re not in his boat.
The canoe trip leads them to a refugee camp on the other side of the lake.
Sean decides to challenge the ladies to a Polar Bear Plunge.
Beyond the obvious reasons, this is why Sean and I could never be. There are far too many physical activities with risk of hypothermia involved in his life. I’m not actually buying that he is into all this stuff. His fancy scarfs and his tanned biceps lead me to believe he is more of a sun and surf kind of guy. I mean, isn’t he FROM TEXAS?
Also, they bring in the lifeguard and EMT. Thanks but no thanks. I try not to participate in activities where an EMT has to stand by.
BUT, the moment the EMT stepped out of the makeshift tent, Tierra’s mind juices started flowing. Possibility of danger = Maximum opportunity to fake injury and solicit sympathy. I mean, if she can make walking down stairs an ambulance moment, just wait to see what she does with freezing temperatures and hypothermia.
Sean asked the girls to go change, and Tierra used this opportunity to add a little more mascara and eyeliner, for maximum crazy face potential.
Selma uses her ancestry to get out of actually doing the Plunge. Heck, I’d claim to be from Baghdad too to get out of that nonsense.
They all (minus Selma) strip down and run into the water.
They all run out of the water and are doing chest bumps and high fives, claiming how it was a life changing experience blahhhhh…
Then Tierra happened…she runs around saying she can’t breathe or stand. Because her section of the lake was significantly colder than the other lady’s waters. They dramatically carry her out of the tent with Sean standing by. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I saw him roll his eyes.
I did too.
Luckily there was some hot chocolate to warm her up. And also cameras. And cheesy bread.
And then Sean came up and hit the nail on the head when he said, “You’re always finding ways to spend one on one time with me”. Duh dude.
He tells her to skip the cocktail party that night and stay in bed to recover. Yeah right, like THAT’S gonna happen.
AT the cocktail party he gets some one on one time with the other ladies…Sarah shares family photos with him, Lesley shares saliva with him…
Back at the hotel Desiree’s girly written date card comes…”Desiree, don’t be scared…to fall in love”. Now the fact that this is Des’s second one on one with him can mean on of two things…he likes her so much he doesn’t care about any other the other girls…OR, ORRRR he wants to send her home.
Meanwhile Tierra makes a miraculous recovery from her near-death experience. So miraculous in fact that her toes, which were basically suffering from gangrene earlier, are perfectly ok in high heel boots. It’s really a Bachelor miracle.
While the girls were all doing spot on impressions of Tierra she sneaks into the backdoor. She sits down like nothing and then Sean walks into the room happy to see her. Suddenly she can’t walk again and needs to lean on him for full support.
I have to pause here right now because I physically got out of my chair and karate chopped the air in front of the tv. You know I did.
They sit down in another room together and Sean remarks on how incredibly WARM Tierra’s hands feel. Oh don’t worry Sean, that’s a side effect from the burning inferno of evil that lives inside this woman.
And in other news Lesley gets the rose.
After the cocktail party Sean goes back to the hotel and feels uneasy about all the pictures Sarah showed him. Maybe it was because she used to have Auburn hair? Maybe it was because she didn’t get hypothermia? Maybe it was because her family was from the 1920′s in the weird black and white photos she showed him. I don’t know. Anyway, he decides that Sarah needs to go home asap. And Tierra stays. The Bachelor is a sucky place.
The next day Sean picks up Des and tell her they have to repel down a mountain to get to their picnic. Now, no amount of food is interesting enough to me that I would repel down a mountain to get to. Plus, you know in Bachelor world it’s not even real food. It’s wine and crackers and fruit. No way, no day.
He tell us he wants to take Des repelling because it will show her that, “if you commit to something you can make it work no matter what.” Which makes no sense whatsoever in the context of backwards climbing a mountain. Cliche fail, Sean.
Anyway, they made it down the mountain, I know you guys were worried and Sean was happy he was able to give her such a huge feeling of accomplishment. Is it just be or is he pretty pleased with himself throughout this show for forcing the women into self-accomplishment?
He later takes Des to a teepee in the woods, where Des feels strangely at home. Apparently she spent a part of her childhood living in tents when they were without a home.
Anyway, it turned out to be the most boring date ever and Des got a rose.
At the rose ceremony Selma decides to toss all her family’s cultures and morals to the wind and kisses Sean. Worth it?
AshLee pulls out a blindfold to prove…yeah I have no idea. It made no sense. But apparently it worked.
So Daniella and Selma get sent home tonight. I guess shaming your family on national television wasn’t part of Sean’s end-game.
Finally Sean gets real-Bachelory and tells the ladies they are going to St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands where there are more Tierra tears. How unusual.