Well girls, here we are…at the point in Bachelor season where we can forgo our individual rooms and stay as a couple in the fantasy suite.
I feel like this season has flown by…for real.
We opened up with Sean in Thailand riding a boat, walking through the jungle, laying on a hammock and sitting in front of water fountains while contemplating the remaining ladies, the pros and cons of each and doing it all in shoes without laces. Impressive.
First date is with Lindsay. They ride in this weird little motorcycle cart to a street market. Here’s where I would bow out. Honestly I can see where this is going from a mile away.
They dismount their scooter-pedi cab to be greeted by neon chicks and vats of fried animal parts.
Of course Sean puts Lindsay on the spot when they walk up to a booth of fried insects. The woman working at the booth tried to plate the bug so it looks appetizing. Fail.
Sean basically love-forces Lindsay into eating the grubs, animal feet and grasshoppers, which she does with a strained smile. Not worth it, honey.
Next, they moved the date to the beach. Where monkeys reside.
Of course I know I am a big baby, but I am not a fan of monkeys so much. They are one drum away from Monkey Shines.
Making out in the water followed, while monkeys looked on.
Dinner was set up in the middle of a fire hazard. Honestly there must have been 4,000 candles.
The talk centered around her moving to Dallas, how their life would be together and loads of eyebrow waggling.
And after much deliberation Lindsay was about to tell Sean she loved him, only to be interrupted by a Thai dancing troupe.
After their invisible dinner they get the card with the Fantasy Suite option. She accepted. And FINALLY told Sean she loves him. Geez, all that dang build up.
Luckily the moving instrumental that followed made it all worthwhile. Yeah…
Next up we have Sean’s date with AshLee…
They got on a rustic little boat which took them over to some island caves. Sean tells us that he wants to make sure that AshLee’s OCD won’t be a problem in the long run, so he decides to test her.
Sean does a lot of testing…doncha think? The roller derby, the bug eating, the rock climbing…
Anyhow, I just don’t see why they have to do such outrageous things. Like maybe see how she likes her coffee, or if she’s a good checkbook balancer. I think those sorts of things might come up a little more in a relationship, rather than scaling a mountain or crunching grasshoppers. But, no one asks me…
It just seems like if she said no, she won’t go cave exploring he will tell her sayonara. Kinda seems like bullying, you know?
Again, no one asked me.
Moving on.
They go swimming into the cave, which was apparently the only way to get to the “secluded beach”.
Luckily they made it. Phew.
Later on, they ate more invisible dinner (I am assuming they made it off the secluded beach) and counted the minutes until the Fantasy Suite card comes…Sean makes it clear that there will be no funny business in the Suite, which relieves AshLee, because she wants everyone to know she’s not that kind of girl. Of course she accepts.
THEN, like the true control freak she is, she tells Sean the exact cut, setting and sizing of her engagement ring. This girl. Enough with the cave swimming, she’s ready to take the bull by the horns.
I am just a little nervous for Sean if they end up together…what if the towels aren’t completely lined up and symmetrical? What if someone messes up her ribbon drawer? What if Sean rearranges the soup cans in the cabinet? This could end badly y’all.
Also, THISMAN, THISMAN, THISMAN, THISMAN, THISMANNNNNNN.
His name is Sean, AshLee. Just sayin.
Finally it’s Catherine’s turn.
Sean takes her on a boat trip. Catherine tells Sean that she was super upset about how her sisters reacted to the Hometown visits. She told Sean that her sisters are jealous-ish of her and she really confides mainly in her best friend who’s married? I have no idea.
She tells Sean she’s ready to make the move to Dallas because she’s “expired” Seattle and all it has to offer.
You guys…I really WANT to like Catherine the best, because she seems sweet and real…but I’m just not sure if she’s the best for Sean?
At dinner Catherine lets Sean know her 5 year plan and he tells her that he can see himself marrying her. She then tells him that she is not comfortable with the whole Fantasy Suite situation…but has decided that she will give up looking like a “lady” and take that Fantasy Suite card.
She then calls him beefy and tells him she is really insecure. He squashed that by reminding her she is “smokin’ hot” and I cry. I did. What is the MATTER with me?
Next up Sean meets with Chris Harrison and lets him know that he already knows who he is going to send home and knows how hard the rose ceremony is going to be. However I couldn’t hardly focus on his words, as I was being blinded by the whiteness of his teeth.
Each of the ladies shared a personal video message that he watched as they all arrived to the ceremony.
Of all the videos, AshLee’s was the most emotional…and I could tell as Sean was watching it that this might not end so well for our resident organizer.
And as I predicted after the longest awkward pause in Bachelor history, AshLee doesn’t get a rose.
She shoots daggers out of her eyes at him for a good 10 seconds before making a move.
Man, that sucked.
She literally doesn’t speak to him as she gets in the car to leave. Like literally not a word.
And homegirl held it together for the cameras.
Next week is The Women Tell All. I CAN. NOT. WAIT.
Is Tierra gonna show?
You know, I had a similar reaction to the AshLee situation: I mean, I wanted her to win it all, but if you’re talking about your control issues on national TV, I’m guessing they’re pretty bad. It’s the inverse of the TV puts on 5 lbs. rule: personal issues are always WAY WORSE than they show on TV. Which is exactly why I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. EITHER. for TWTA and (hopefully) a Tierra appearance. She is going to be flaunting that engagement ring like it’s her J. O. B., thus proving that NO ONE can steal her ssssppaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrkle.
You crack me up…but for real, yes!
I’m with you on Catherine. Totally rooting for her cause she’s gorgeous and funny and awesome, but don’t know if she’s the best fit for Sean?
Maybe she’d date my brother?
I kinda couldn’t stand AshLee… I loved her to start with, but she just WOULDN’T STOP with the whole “need to control” and “I put up a wall” and “fear of abandonment” blah blah blah. Ok, you were adopted and that was hard, I totally appreciate that. No need to mention it 7562 times. Also? Her reaction when she wasn’t chosen was seriously terrifying. Sean totally dodged a bullet there. Can you imagine? That’s the reaction he would be getting every time they fought for the rest of his LIFE! Yowza. Wall indeed.
Exactly what I thought as well.
Can you imagine that ice cold death glare everytime he left the seat up or left his towel on the floor?
She has been my fav for the last few weeks but the whole control, abandonment thing was getting old – we heard you the first 7561 times!!
I am kind of surprised at Sean – he kept saying that he is ready settle down, marry, have kids – I mean, he wanted Emily and she came with a child so he started out “ready.” The choices he is making tell me that he changed his mind during this process and now wants to have fun, be a celebrity and see where it goes from there.
Until this episode, all I saw when he was with Catherine was friendship – it seems more intimate and some chemistry but up until this week I just couldn’t see it as anything more than a friend to have fun with.
I don’t know which one I get more excited about…the actual episode or reading your HI-LAR-I-OUS posts about the episodes!! Cracking me up with your commentary! No way in hell I’d be eating bugs and swimming in a cave in the pitch dark would freak me out–good thing they had a camera crew to guide them through! There would have a be a pot of gold on that secluded beach for me to get there and I love the water. I cried too when Catherine said she was teased and never imagined being such a hunk! Love them together (except for the lack of eye contact when she is talking to him!!)
I loved that Ash Lee didn’t speak to him, it totally cracked me up!!!
Ok, I just don’t like Catherine with Sean. I think he needs to start over.
.
Next week is going to be hilarious with Lil Miss Sparkle telling us how she’s misunderstood, has never had trouble getting along with women and the editing made her appear to be a bratty witch.
I will second that…. I don’t like Catherine either. I was beginning to think that I was the only one. I don’t see her as fun at all; I would say flightly. She talks and acts like a teenager.
THISMAN, THISMAN, THISMANNNNN!!! Haha, I was totally yelling that at the TV! Her reaction when she left was priceless. He really did dodge a bullet. I think Catherine is awesome, and I’m pretty sure we would be besties in real life, but I don’t know if she and Sean are a great match. I’m still rooting for her, though, since Lindsay is super annoying.
If I was in Sean’s shoes I would have been a little worried about AshLee two weeks ago. She really does have a tendency to want to over control things and that makes me uneasy. The fact that she sat there and told him what kind of a ring she wanted was a little pretentious and creepy. She just assumed that she had it in the bag and that’s where she messed up. After I watched a clip of her talking to the cameras in my office I came to the conclusion that she’s got a serious case of too much, too soon. She also needs to let go of her issues with being adopted; her parents obviously love her and treated her well. You’re 32, let it go.