Hey guys, so do we care about Des’s search for love yet?
Did you know she’s super hopeful? Did you know that she feels like a princess?? I mean, did you know that she sketches???
This whole experience for her is making her dreams come true…did you know that???? Also, have you ever known someone’s life to be so amazingggggg?
It’s really such an original and unique journey she’s on, wouldn’t you say?
This week the men move into the mansion.
Chris Harrison states the obvious, “Here’s the mansion”. Chris is getting a bit lazy. Did you notice he was still wearing his pajama top? I mean, announcing the final rose of the night is super stressful. He probably got no sleep what-so-ever the night before.
And not to exceed the 30 seconds of allotted screen time he negotiated in his contract, he dropped the date card on a coffee table barely escaping a house fire, by miraculously missing one of the infinity candles on the carved wood coffee table before he bolted out. I am assuming his pj pants were standing by to be matched back with his top.
The date card was addressed to Brooks, and read, “I’m waiting for a sign”.
I should have known it was a reference to the Hollywood sign, but I was kinda hoping she was referring to a barber sign..you know the red and blue spinny thing? Because Brooks looks like he just stepped out of the porn version of Wall Street. Maybe Balls Street? Gordon Pecko? Sorry.
Anyhow, Des picks up Brooks in her blue Bentley, with the top down and all I can wonder is what gel does he use that his hair is still super flowy?
Des takes him to a bridal boutique where they act “silly” and show each other their “zany” sides. Also, Des is happy that all the wedding dresses don’t scare Brooks off. I wonder if she remembers that she is on The Bachelorette? I mean a guy signs up knowing he can get engaged without having to pay for the ring. HELLLOOOOO.
Next up the two crazy kids hit up a cupcake truck that is surrounded by strategically placed Bachelor superfans that act like Des is Angelina Jolie…I’m talking hyperventilating fans jumping up and down.
NEXT they drive up to the Hollywood sign and talk about how they are on “top of the world” and continue to bore me for the next 5 minutes.
NEXXXXXT they go to dinner on a bridge. And of course Des pretends she is going down an unmarked street, carelessly ignoring all the caution signs. Brooks acts like, “DES WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I’M SO NERVOUS. YOU’RE SO SPONTANEOUS”.
Of course we all know she is taking him to a bridge dinner. Has Brooks never seen an episode of The Bachelor? Major duh.
They eat, bore me some more and then in the finale to the NEVER ENDING DATE they are SHOCKED at the impromptu concert that is down the bridge from them. I guess the stage, the sound checks and ALLTHELIGHTS weren’t visible to them as they fake ate and talked about childhood struggles.
After some awkward spinning and twirls the date finally ended.
Also, I guess Brooks is kinda a nice guy.
Brooks gets a rose.
Back at the pad the group date card comes. Basically all the guys were on it. So I won’t list them out. (Which basically means I don’t want to worry about spelling their names correctly when we all know they will be gone in a matter of a few weeks)
“Who’s here for the right reasons?”
When Des comes to pick up the men, she takes them to a mansion and tells them all that they will be performing in a rap video.
Alls I want to do is go and hide. Awkward rapping is torture.
Next she informs the men that she too isn’t a rapper (shocker!) but introduces Soulja Boy who will be the set-expert for the day.
And then we all watched as any ounce of Soulja Boy’s street cred died.
All the men get to rap about Bachelorette contestants from past seasons. I guess the concept was funny, yet humiliating.
The rap was called “Right Reasons” which will now be stuck in my head for 70 years.
Later that night at the cocktail party all the usual things happened. The drinks flowed, gifts were given, men stole time from other men and of course there was a confrontation all in the name of “clearing the air”.
One guy being Ben, the single Dad.
Let’s discuss Ben for a second, shall we? Do we like him? DO we think he’s here for the (ugh) right reasons? Is he the Bentley of the season? Don’t know.
BUT he is kinda cute, and I do love the controversy.
He kinda seems like the male version of Courtney (Bachelor Ben), although yes, he does come off a little politician-ish. It was also stated that he apparently owns a bar and wants to grow his business…Thoughts on Ben? No spoilers please.
Date ends and Ben gets the rose. Brandon (the guy who wagged his bits and pieces around during the video) got mad. He definitely thought the bits wagging and sad story he shared with her deserved the nightly rose. Alas, it did not.
Back at the mansion the final date card comes and it is addressed to Bryden.
I’m sorry. I know I’m going to hell.
Des takes Bryden, the Army guy, on a road trip. The two genuinely seem to have a good time. Bryden is awkward and his hair…well…
But yeah, nice guy…won’t win.
I don’t really have much to say about their date except the fact that I wanted to fast forward through it.
He shared his past struggles, how he was in a car wreck, how he is now totally ready to “open up”, and that his favorite adjective is “little”, in case you were wondering.
Also, most awkward kiss ever behind Jamie’s lap dance on Bachelor Ben’s season.
Despite too much tongue, Bryden get s a rose.
Next up at the rose ceremony I might have fallen asleep.
No, I didn’t.
Ben stole more time, more men got mad and Robert (the sign spinner) and Nick M (the blonde guy) didn’t get roses.
Next week looks epic. Ex girlfriends show up and prove that SOMEONE ISN’T THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!!!!!!
Also, she calls the guys a “deceitful pig”, which makes me laugh every time. It’s like an episode of The Californians.