So here we are… in Munich.
The men arrive riding an underground train. They all declare Munich the most romantic ever.
Chris Harrison makes his first appearance of the show, stating 3 dates, 3 roses…a one on one date, a group date and the dreaded two on one date.
Their suite in the hotel was predictably gorgeous. Just once do you wish they would put them up in a Motel 6? I’m pretty sure that this would be a sure-fire way to weed out the ones who aren’t there for the “right reasons”.
The first date card arrives and it reads, “ASFViuefvewjfhbduByuwbf”, which translates to, “In Munich we can fall in love together”. Chris shows off his German skills and reads the card to the other men. See boys, this is how it’s done.
I was especially glad when he read her “heart” doodle. Thanks for the translation.
The date was all about exploring Munch..walking the streets etc.
She asks Chris if her knows German and he says he know how to order a cappuccino. Umm, didn’t he just TRANSLATE THE DATE CARD?
Meanwhile back at the hotel whiny-baby Bryden says he realized on the long-ass plane ride that his feelings “aren’t progressing”. He decides that he needs to leave RIGHTNOWTHISVERYSECOND.
He thought he would roam the streets of Munich to track down Des and the ABC cameras following her around, asking locals for their help. Awkwardddd.
Des and Chris are busy trying on German traditional clothing, sucking on sausages, skipping through the streets and square dancing in front of a crowd of amused Germans when Bryden finally tracks them down. He stands at the outskirts of the crowd like a major creeper watching the weird dancing demonstration.
Like he didn’t want to interrupt THAT? The world would have THANKED him for making that stop.
They say goodbye in the most “later dude” way possible.
For dinner Chris and Des had a super fancy, fire-hazard dinner in a palace. The candle situation is really out of control.
Chris tells Des he is ready for commitment and family. Then OF COURSE he wrote her a poem. Ughhh.
At least it rhymed.
Chris gets a rose. Win.
And then they had a private concert. Lose.
Back at the hotel the group date card comes. “Will you climb the highest mountain for me?” Everyone wanted to be on the group date because the final 2 would be on the 2 on 1. Michael and Ben didn’t get called..leaving them to duke it out for the rose.
The group date is on top of a snowy mountain.
Luckily right around the corner there was an old guy yodeling…because yes.
ANNND we get to hear from Juan Pablo. Trying to pronounce yodeler has never been so hot.
Alls I’m thinking is please Lord Jesus do not let them have a yodeling contest.
Luckily, instead they are going to be sledding down a mountain.
And by mountain, I mean MOUNTAIN. I would never. never.
Drew collides into Des coming down the mountain. Luckily it didn’t mess up his sweet scarf-over-hoodie look.
Back at the house there’s lots of silence. Michael and Ben’s date card comes reading, “Let’s heat things up”.
Michael thinks she chose him to go on the date to put his lawyery skills to the test to “Expose Ben for the fraud he is”. Cue dramatic soundtrack.
Back on the mountain they have moved the party into a giant igloo.
After some snowman-building, awkward lurking and yodeling Brooks gets the rose.
To me Brooks is the front runner right now.
James and his man scarf were super upset about Brooks getting the rose, as he thinks he is too fun-loving for Des. She needs someone much more serious and aggressive, like him!
And is it just me or does James look like a Thanksgiving day float?
Next up is the two on one date.
Michael is over the top about his dislike for Ben right off the bat. He uses the words fraud, trial tactics, impeaching, cross-examining and impersonation to hammer the point home that Ben is here more for exposure for his Bar, than he is for Des.
He is ready to Lawyer the crap out of him! You know he has practiced his opening and closing statements in the mirror, for sure.
Des is aware that the date is going to be awkward and welcomes it. I’m beginning to really like this girl.
Des brings up the idea of doing the Polar Plunge because it was one thing she didn’t get to do last season.
Of course she is kidding, because she’s a super joker if you didn’t know.
She tells the guys that instead of plunging into the deep end that they will be getting into a boat called “The Hot Tug”.
And then I almost died.
Because. Hot. Tug.
So then they floated around and Michael toasted the Hot Tug. WHY AREN’T THEY EVEN LAUGHING?!
Things then started to get awkward when talk turned to Ben’s son. Des’s plan to alleviate the awkward backfired on the Hot Tug.
Back at the hotel the men are sitting around hatching a plan to expose James at the cocktail party the next night.
They say that James says he “runs Chicago”. Umm James, have you ever met Ed? I’m pretty sure he’s already the mayor of Chi-town.
Annnd how James is vying for a shot to be the next Bachelor. Yeah, never gonna happen James.
The 2 on 1 continues…
Michael starts the interrogation off by asking Ben why he thinks that all the men dislike him. From there Des intervenes and asks about family traditions.
Which brings Michael back to all the things Ben HASN’T done traditionally.
Ben excuses himself from the table, which I wonder if it’s an authentic move, or a pre-calculated way to make him seem calm and collected.
ALL THE DOUBTS!
Michael’s plan quickly backfired. By making Ben look untrustworthy he made himself look aggressive and vindictive.
Des runs to Ben’s side. And Ben seems to smooth things over.
Michael apologizes for his aggressive behavior, BUTTT… the classic ‘but’ always comes into play…he continues on with the Ben trash talking.
Des decides to give the rose to Michael…shocker…and Ben gets up and leaves denying Des the opportunity to walk him out.
Then in the most hilarious turn of events the good Christian man that he is f-bombs his way out of the restaurant.
Then I suddenly see what the men have been saying. Ben might be a sociopath.
And clearly he is the d-bag that the men have been saying he is all along.
When the luggage collector guy comes to get Ben’s bag,the men do the German Shuffle in celebration.
The night of the cocktail party, Des arrives to the castle with her best granny up-do.
Des makes the decision that no cocktail party is necessary, which disappoints the men as they were about to blow the lid on James.
Also the lack of Juan Pablo in the episode was a major disappointment.
Meathead Mikey doesn’t get the rose which isn’t a huge surprise.
Also people who make previews for The Bachelorette..STOP PREVIEWING THINGS THAT AREN’T GONNA HAPPEN IN THE EPISODE!!!!!!
All the things that they showed in the preview for next week they ALSO showed in the preview for this week. Annoying.