The episode opened in Barcelona, with Desiree providing some inspiring words about the city — It’s full of LIGHT!! A great place to fall in LOVE!! Well…duh. Considering that most of us fall in love over pasta at Olive Garden, I’m not going to argue with you there.
The men were drinking beer together, trying to hide their anymosity towards James. Apparently James made a comment last week that, “If I make it to the top four, I have a good shot at becoming the next Bachelor”. The men are furious (Not here for the RIGHT REASONS!! The RIGHT REASONS!!!) and planning on telling Des as soon as possible.
Chris Harrison showed up to chip into his 5 minute per episode quota. He was sporting the “layered” look, wearing a t shirt, a v neck sweater, and what looked to be a corduroy blazer. My first thought was that he had to be sweating to death and my second was that he pulled that straight out of Crazy, Stupid Love. Not working, Chris. Not working.
He handed a date card to Drew and left.
Drew and Des met and she was giving the standard, “Our relationship has been moving slow” speech. Is it just me, or does that kill you when they say that on these shows? They’ve known each other SIX WEEKS!!! What. The. What.
They drank coffee and Des, never to pass up on a cliche (Painting on the beach? Rollerblading and trying on goofy hats, anyone?) did the cutesy foam on the upper lip move.
Drew shared with Des that he was really close with his dad, who is a recovered alcoholic and now has cancer. It was a very touching story and Drew seems like a kind and empathetic guy.
Drew and Des did some cheesy dancing in front of some street performers, than sat down for a romantic candlelit dinner. In a moment of “spontaneity”, Drew grabbed Des hand and pulled her away. They took off running, the camera man seemed to be scrambling to catch up (was it staged?? I think so) and next thing we see, they are kissing like crazy people in an alley.
Back at the hotel, a group date card arrived for James, Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Juan Pablo, and Michael. Not normally getting excited about sharing Desiree, the men were quite excited for an opportunity to snitch on James.
Back in the alley, Desiree presented Drew with a rose. Safe, Drew decided to tell her what happened with James and his predictions on becoming the next Bachelor. He pretended to be sorry to be telling her, but get real. Homeboy was doing a series of internal cartwheels.
The next morning, the group date started. The men arrived at a futbol stadium in a Mercedes van.
The men found out they would be competing in a futbol (soccer) game. Of course, everyone started looking at Juan Pablo and panicking. He just SOUNDS like a good futbol player, doesn’t he? James was put on goalie duty and failed miserably. Apparently Johnny Bravo shoulders are good for some things…but blocking soccer balls is NOT one of them.
Later the group cleaned up and met for drinks.
Desiree and Chris had some alone time, where she read him a poem she had written. Too much. Just stop. Embarrassing.
Back with the other men, an uprising was brewing. The guys decided to confront James about Bachelorgate, prefacing it with the fact that they were “disturbed”.
Can we just pause for a second? I’ve watched my husband sleep through a baby screaming, watch television oblivious to the fact that I was mere yards away making an entire meal of food and folding laundry between stirs, and have an entire conversation with me, five minutes after which he could not remember a word. Who are these “disturbed” men?? Where do they find these people??
Brooks and Desiree spent some alone time together. So far, I am not a fan. It’s the hair. That and the finger injury that resulted in him being hooked up to IVs. Sorry dude, I can’t let go of that.
Back to Bachelorgate. Kasey took it upon himself to be the spokesperson for the men. A huge argument ensued, and James claimed that Mikey was the one who brought everything up and he was just going along to keep the peace. It ended up a huge blowout, James was irate, and I kept wondering how Des wasn’t hearing any of this.
Next up, Kasey had time with Desiree. He brought up Bachelorgate again, I guess to reiterate what Drew had already told her. Des pulled an Emily Maynard and immediately leaped to action. She dismissed all the men from the date with the exception of James, who seemed to know what was coming. She confronted him, and of course he played everything down. Guy talk, it didn’t mean anything, the other guys are just jealous…blah blah blah.
He then turned on the puppy dog face and water works. Not very genuine, but she seemed to be softening. Next thing you know, they are both crying in each other’s arms while the other men hung out at the hotel. Tattling never works, people. Never.
Des took some time for herself, then came back to James acted all stressed and confused. Seriously…you’d think there weren’t zillions of other guys to choose from. James headed back to the hotel in his limo, and the men were dumbfounded when he arrived. Cue the man drama.
The next morning, Desiree donned a neon leather jacket and sat on a stone staircase, sketching Barcelona. You know…normal stuff. Zak walked up on her sketching, and of course she acted surprised. “Oh!! I was just sitting here sketching!! Like normal!! How funny that you happened to see me!!”
The two of them headed to their date which was…what else? SKETCHING.
After a bit of a warm up, they decided to try to sketch each other, which any woman knows is a huge mistake. I’ve seen the drawings my child does of me. I look like a balloon with legs.
The revealed their drawings to one another and of course, Zak’s sketch made her look like a hobo with a 5 o’clock shadow.
Then walked in a nude model.
A nude male model. On a date.
Later in the evening, Zak and Desiree met for a romantic dinner. They seemed to have good conversation, and I have to say, he’s grown on me. If he doesn’t win, I think I might like to see HIM as the next Bachelor….thoughts?
They kissed, Zak got a rose, and Zak confessed that he is falling in love with Desiree.
Back at McManDrama Mansion, the James and Drew had a conversation about Bachelorgate. I think James thought he was going to find a friend in Drew, but Drew shut him down immediately. He was not listening to any excuses, and I kind of liked it. Manly Drew. Who knew?
The men had a meeting about James. Again.
Is it just me, or do these men thrive on drama? What beef jerky is to my husband, drama is to these men. Just. Saying.
Desiree arrived at the McManDrama Mansion, which we all know is bad news. Impromptu visits are never good. Never.
They made small talk on the way down the elevator, them stepped outside and sat on the steps. Desiree started the conversation and it was obvious she intended on sending him home. James, however, was either oblivious or in denial, and Desiree started to lose her resolve. Desiree started crying, and Operation Dump James was a no go.
Somehow, James is SO SLICK, that she started becoming angry at the other men for TELLING her about James’s shady behavior. Unreal, y’all.
The men were dumbfounded when James came back and was obviously NOT packing his bags. James recounted their conversation to the other men, leaving out a few things. The men were ready to punch him in the face and another blowout ensued.
Finally it was time for the Rose Ceremony. Because Drew and Zak had roses, there were only 3 left to give out. Chris showed up to remark on the “emotional and volatile week”, and Desiree began handing roses out.
Roses were given to:
Surprisingly, Juan Pablo went home, taking his abs with him. Not surprisingly, James and Kasey were sent packing.
James was still defending himself all the way home. Whatever.
Desiree announced to the remaining men that they were headed to Portugal.
The next episode promises lots of water, lots of crying, and lots of drama. And Drew — WHAT HAPPENS WITH DREW???