The episode opened in Madiera Island, Portugal.
Brooks was first up for a one on one date with Des. They hopped in the tiniest car ever, and took off. Brooks asked where they were headed, and Des replied…”on a trip”.
Nice, Des. Thanks for the insight.
As they headed down the road, Brooks expressed that he was nervous about the date. Personally, I think he was nervous because they were in a convertible and he didn’t know what the wind was doing to his hair….
He seems a bit high maintenance. Just saying.
From the start of the date, it seemed pretty obvious that Des was head over heels for Brooks, and he was still playing hard to get. He kept throwing around “Past like, but not yet love” and Des was hanging on his every word. They stopped for a picnic on a mountain, and drank wine out of fancy glasses.
No WAY would my husband do that. He’d drink straight out of the wine glass before he held onto a fancy glass on a mountaintop on television.
Next thing you know, the two of them were kissing and talking about a relationship break through and being on Cloud 9 and never wanting it to end. WHAT DID I MISS????? What happened? Was there Tequila in the wine???
Back at the house, the date card arrived addressed to Chris. “Let’s SEA if we can find love here”. Of course, Chris was thrilled and sat there sniffing the card and envelope like a weirdo.
While Chris was envelope sniffing, the Cloud 9 Date was continuing, and Des was getting seriously desperate. (sidenote: she’s the Bachelorette. It’s called UPPER HAND, Des. UPPER HAND!!!!) Des kept saying how much she was falling in love with Brooks and was concerned he didn’t feel the same.
Homeboy got his sweater from Harry Potter. Move. On.
Brooks explained to Desiree that it was really important that she and his family get along. He seemed super nervous about introducing her to them and of course, Des was hanging on his every word. She’s already decided it’s him, that much is clear.
Then they kissed and there were a bunch of fireworks (literally) and the cheesiest, most awkward date ever was complete.
The next day, Des showed up for her date with Chris. They boarded a yacht while the rest of the men stood on the balcony and spied on them like total creepers.
They immediately stripped down the swimwear and started smooching while the yacht sailed around. Des said she was hoping “to get a sense of what their life would be like”. Wrong setting, Des. Trust me on this. If you REALLY want a sense of your life together, go grocery shopping together and take a 12 hour drive in a minivan with two bored kids in the back. If you still love each other by the end, you’ll survive anything.
The boat docked at an island, and they took off on a picnic, complete with wine glasses and adorable basket.
Those Bachelor/Bachelorettes are some picnicking fools, aren’t they?
Then Des and Chris wrote a poem together and put it in a bottle. WEEEEEEEIIIIIIIRD.
Later that evening, Chris and Des sat down to a candlelight dinner. They talked about meeting his family, and Chris was dying to tell Des that he was in love with her. Unfortunately he was sweating profusely in the process. Just when things couldn’t get more uncomfortable…he pulled out a poem. About being in love with her. And read it to her.
Then they kissed a lot.
At this point, Chris seems convinced that they are already on their way to a wedding. Poor Chris…I don’t think it’s going to happen.
The next morning, Des had a one on one with Michael. They headed into town to do some exploring…am I the only one wondering how he is still here? He seems nice enough, but I’m just not feeling it. Do they go together? I don’t think so?
As a side note — I was really trying to get a feel for the weather there. The day before, she and Chris are in swimsuits on a boat. The next day, Michael is wearing shorts and a button down and she’s in a long sleeved sweater. Huh??
Next they went on a street toboggan ride. NO. THANK. YOU.
Finally it was time for dinner. They talked about his family, and although they seemed to bond, it’s obvious that he won’t be the guy at the end.
Desiree and Michael’s date ended up with a bit of half hearted kissing.
The next day, Drew and Zak headed out for a two on one date. There is only one rose on this date, so one of them will head back to the house uncertain. I normally thought that One Rose two on one dates ended with one going home, but I guess not in this case?
The group hopped in go karts for a race. They all raced, then Zak and Drew went head to head in hopes of winning a “special prize”. The two of them tried to act as manly as possible, when you’re a grown man crammed in a tiny car. Zak won, leaving Drew in the dust.
Next they all sat down for a picnic on the race track.
Again with the picnics. I have never seen so many picnics in MY LIFE.
Des and Zak when off on a walk. I have to say, Zak is sweet and kind of adorable. I’d love for him to go far, but I don’t think he’s the winner.
Zak gave Des a stack of drawings he had made about their past dates. It was super cute, and he has totally grown on me. Possibly my favorite out of the men that are left.
They walked back and Des took a walk with Drew. They sat down and talked about meeting his family and coming with him to pick up his mentally handicapped sister from the home she lives in.
Then Drew told her that he’s in love with her. And not only that, she’s the first person he has ever felt that way about.
They came and joined Zak, and Desiree gave the date rose to Drew. Apparently the L Bomb sealed the deal.
Poor Zak. I am really hoping he’s the next Bachelor…it’s obvious that his days are numbered.
Finally it was time for the rose ceremony. Desiree and Chris Harrison sat down for one of their heart to hearts, and Desiree tearfully revealed that she is in love with Brooks.
Game over, people. Game over. The hypochondriac has won, apparently.
Then she told Chris that Brooks had not yet told her that HE loves HER.
We all know what that means. Nothing a girl loves more than a challenge. Ugggggggggg.
Then the men came down for the ceremony. At this point, I feel like we are just going through the motions. It’s obvious she is just biding her time until she can marry Finger Cry Baby.
Drew already had a rose, so he was safe. The other roses were given to:
Michael was sent home, which was no big surprise.
Desiree and Michael sat down and talked, and she basically told him he was in the friend zone. I felt bad, because it was obvious he had strong feelings for her. He called his mom crying from the limo, which I think is a first. Hopefully he finds a nice girl at home very soon.
Next week are the hometown dates. It will be interesting for sure. It looks like Des crazy brother might make an appearance — bring on the drama!!
Who is your favorite so far??