The Bachelorette Desiree — Episode 9 (The Men Tell All)

Here we are, ladies!!  The Men Tell All.

Sometimes I really get bored by this episode, but I have to say, I was really looking forward to hearing from Ben, James, and Bryan.

And seeing Zak.  Love Zak.  Next Bachelor, please??

The episode opened with Chris reminding us of all of Desiree’s trials and tribulations.  Lies!!  Cheating!!  Not there for the RIGHT REASONS!!

Seriously, I have no sympathy for the girl.  When you try to cram 10 years worth of dates into 3 months, you have to expect some major drama.  Get over it.

Then they showed a clip of Chris and Desiree surprising a bunch of Bachelorette fans and acting super famous which was a little obnoxious.  Then Ashley and JP and Jason and Molly and Trista and Ryan joined them and you could just sense the producer’s desperation.  It’s not lost on me that they are clinging to those three couples for dear life.  Although I have to say, Ashley and JP are pretty adorable.

Then previous Bachelorettes Ali, Emily, and Ashley gave Desiree advice on how to handle the “bad boys” at the Men Tell All Reunion.  We watched flashbacks of all the ways Desiree was wronged over the season, no doubt designed to make us breathless with anticipation.

tellall

Finally the reunion began.  Chris opened by talking to Zak who was completely adorable.  Then was Juan Pablo (nice choice) and they addressed the drama.  Of course, the men tried to down play the drama, but I did not agree.  They were plenty dramatic — as bad or worse than any women I’ve ever seen.

First up was Mr. Fantasy Suite, who was kicked off in the very beginning for trying to push Desiree into a pretend Fantasy Suite.  He claimed it was a joke gone wrong.  Seriously — worst humor EVERRRR because that was ridiculous.  He seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable, which he should be.

Next up was Bryan, who chose not to come to the reunion.  Chris Harrison tried to act all angry about that and bow up, but we all know that if he had to confront Bryan face to face, he’d use Desiree as a human shield.  The men spent some time bashing Bryan the cheater, but we all know they sort of loved it.

Then Ben joined Chris on stage.  Bum bum bummmmmmmmm…..

After watching a series of clips, Ben had excuses for everything.  The men picked on him, he showed amazing restraint with the other men, he was hurt and angry, he really liked Des…blah blah blah.  Basically, Ben came across as a giant phony.  When that many men don’t like you, there is a reason.  The end.

Next up on the Bad Boy Express was James.  I have to say, I was really disappointed when James ended up being a jerk because in the beginning I thought he showed a lot of promise.  True to form, James complained that his words had been twisted (I’m sensing a theme) and he and Des truly had a connection before the other men ruined it.

The whole time I kept wondering why we had to waste the show on rehashing these losers.  We need more Zak and Juan Pablo and less of these idiots.

juan

As if Chris Harrison read my mind, what followed was what can only be described as remarkable.  A whole montage dedicated to…Juan Pablo.

The man needs his own show.  Why is he gone and Brooks is still there, again?

We had to relieve Juan Pablo’s dismissal and man tears all over again.  Honestly..it was heartbreaking.  And it made Ben and James look like soulless horse’s asses.

Next up was Zak. Finally!!  Things are looking up!!

We watched him transform from an obnoxious show off, to a sincere and adorable guy.  How did that even happen??

Chris asked Zak if he was still in love with Des and Zak said that he is…and I died a little inside.  What a sweet guy..not bitter, not angry, just a little sad.  If he isn’t the next Bachelor, I am boycotting the whole series!!

Not really.  I’ll just complain a lot.  I’m pretty much a professional complainer.

Finally, Des made her appearance.

Weirdo Fantasy Suite Guy apologized, which was nice.  I honestly felt kind of bad for him…he obviously thought he was funny and instead humiliated himself on national television.

des

Des spoke with Ben and I was surprised to hear that she kind of thought he was a phony from the beginning.  Why did she keep him around and kiss him a bunch, then?  Annoying.

Desiree attempted to confront James and in my opinion, it just fell flat.  Neither of them really made sense.  I’m just kind of done with him, period.

Juan Pablo and Desiree had a conversation next, and Juan Pablo asked Desiree why he never got a one on one date saying, “It would have been great”.  But somehow, they way he said it made it sounds much MUCH better than great.

Next, Desiree talked to Zak.  And he sang her a song he wrote for her.  I just kept wondering…is this real life?  CAN HE PLEASE BE THE NEXT BACHELOR????

zak

Every woman in the audience was crying, and Des somehow didn’t shed a single tear.  Proving that she is not even human.

FORGET YOU, DESIREE!!!!!  You and your whiny finger baby Brooks.

Then we were shown the Blooper Reel.  I get it…they are real people and sometimes bugs fly around or people stumble over their words.  Whatever.

Finally, we were treated to a preview of the SHOCKING TWO PART FINALE.  Chris threw around phrases like, “circumstances beyond our control” and “never before in the history of this show”.  Lies!!!

He also promised it to be the most intense finale in the show’s history.  I am skeptical but ashamedly intrigued.

We were then shown a preview of the finale.  Lots of tears, and they made it look like she doesn’t choose anyone.  Not buying it.

I guess we’ll see what happens next week!!  Predictions?

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. 1

    Well, going off of what we know from the show so far, I’m going to assume that Brooks finally breaks Des’ heart at an inopportune moment. Maybe I’ll be shocked and astonished, but really, when they build it up as something that’ll blow me away…it probably won’t. But, here’s hoping!

  2. 2

    This season has been so disappointing . I didn’t start out a Zak fan but he was my fav. in the end. Love your recaps their the best.

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