As you probably remember, Desiree had her heart broken last week by Brooks the Finger Baby.
She sobbed, he told her he basically forgot she existed any time she wasn’t around, she begged him to stay and told him that he was going to win and she didn’t want anyone else.
Between that, and what I read on Reality Steve (yes, I read spoilers, SUE ME) I went into the episode knowing EXACTLY what was going to happen and being pretty darn annoyed about it.
Of course, we opened up with Desiree crying to CH. He pretended to look sympathetic, but I’m telling you — I saw a smile lurking underneath that facade. He’s soaking up the ratings like a spray tan and it’s completely obvious.
He then addresses the elephant in the room — Chris and Drew are still on the island, unaware as to what has transpired.
Desiree halfheartedly agrees that they are good guys and through tears, says that even though she is broken hearted, she will continue on and see how she feels later.
Well gee…when you put it that way.
Since her dates with Chris and Drew were last episode, and Brooks left his date early, it was time for the rose ceremony.
Desiree gave both men a rose by default, but we knew that if Brooks was there, one of them would be going home.
She gave them each a rose while she stood there and cried. Chris grimaced the whole time, as if her tears were actually causing him physical pain.
Either that, or the island water wasn’t agreeing with his belly. Just saying.
During breaks, CH polled the live audience members. The consensus seemed to be that Finger Baby would be returning and I angrily agreed. He shouldn’t be ALLOWED back. THERE ARE RULES FOR A REASON.
The next day, Desiree and Drew had a date that started off with horseback riding. Des was obviously not feeling it, and things were quiet and awkward. They picked a spot on the beach and she basically told Drew she didn’t love him.
Poor, handsome Drew. I sat there watching, covering my face and trying not to cry, while my husband looked at me like I was crazy.
Honestly, Des. You loved Brooks and you’re sending DREW home?? WHO ARE YOU???
I have to say, Drew was tough about the whole thing. He was kind and not at all bitter, but you could tell he was really hurt and blindsided. I felt bad…Des had obviously planned on getting rid of him at the Rose Ceremony, but Brooks leaving threw a wrench in things and she had to break up with him on a real date without a flower to do the talking.
Drew left brokenhearted and I angrily shook my fist at the television.
The next day was time for a date with Chris. Des pretty much told us that she really didn’t want to dump another guy and was pinning her hopes and dreams on this date.
She was also dressed way skimpier than her date with Drew. Which I kind of understand…it seems like it would be awkward to wear a bikini while you dumped someone.
They hopped on a catamaran and sailed the open seas. It started becoming obvious that this date wasn’t going to end as badly as Drew’s did.
Poor, poor handsome Drew.
Suddenly, Des was becoming more and more Team Chris. Maybe she had been in love with him all along, she said. Maybe Brooks was clouding her judgement, she wondered aloud.
I’ll tell you what Brooks clouded, and it was any possibility of looking normal standing next to him and his weirdo sweaters.
As the date went on, Des seemed to be more and more prepared for a life with Chris. Whether it was genuine, or a case of love the one you’re with, we’ll never know. But they definitely seemed to be having a good time.
Later that evening, Des met Chris in his room, where they shared lots of feelings and drank wine. I kept wondering if he was going to adjust her nose or crack her back or something, but they kept things boring. Blah blah, poetry book, blah.
The date ended with Des crying to the cameras, but now it was out of guilt. How did she never think she loved Chris? How can she be so deserving of such a wonderful man?
During the break, CH talked with Sean and Catherine, who were in the audience, followed up by some of the women Sean dumped last season. To say that it was awkward doesn’t even do it justice, people. I was cringing.
Then we were back on the island, where Des was bringing Chris to meet her parents and brother.
Her brother was the same old mess. He was grilling Chris and staring him down with a cynical smirk.
Okay, ABC, we get it. Her brother is a jerk. It’s pretty obvious that he’s not in her life much, other than to show up and be mean to people on television. I’m just sick of his face.
Chris spent some time alone with Des dad and got his permission to propose. Of course.
Chris headed to meet with Neil Lane, where he picked out an engagement ring. Am I the only one who fast forwards through that part?
Then it was time for the meet up. At this point, I started getting concerned. There was only 30 minutes left in the episode. That’s not long enough for Brooks’ big comeback. Was Reality Steve WRONG?? Have I been mad this whole time for NOTHING??
WHAT WAS GOING ON?????????
Desiree headed to the beach to wait for Chris.
IS SHE GOING TO MARRY CHRIS?? How did all this happen in the span of a few days?? I am so confused.
Chris showed up and told Des how much he loved her. Right before he proposed, she stopped him.
Wait. Is she going to say no? Is she picking NO ONE???
Then she told him he was the only one left and she loves him.
Then he proposed and she said yes.
WHY AM I CRYING?? I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY SHOULD GET MARRIED!!
Next up was After the Final Rose.
Desiree and Chris are still together, very much in love, and planning a wedding.
Desiree and Drew talked. It was awkward.
Brooks came on. He was even awkwarder.
Way, way awkwarder.
And last…but certainly certainly NOT least…
Juan Pablo is the new Bachelor.
What did you think of the season? Did Desiree end up with the right person? Will they stay married?
AND WHY CAN’T IT BE TIME FOR THE BACHELOR ALREADYYYYY??????