The Bachelor Juan Pablo– Episode 4

Here we are girls…down to 15 already!!

Is it just me, or do these seasons seem to go much more quickly nowadays?

We open with Juan Pablo and…Camilla.  You know…in case you forgot that he’s a dad.

Chris H. came to warn the girls that of course…some of them would be going home this week.  Then he told them to grab their passports to head to the land of Gangnam Style.  Seoul, South Korea.

Of course Clare got super annoying and started talking all ENUNCIATED.  I’m discovering that’s just what she does.  If JP signs up for a lifetime of that…well.  He has my sympathy.

They arrived in Seoul.  It was very flashy and light up-ish and lots of people wore interesting clothes.  Your eyes never get bored in Seoul, that’s for darn sure.

The girls finally arrived at their apartment ( it seemed to be an apartment/hotel type deal ) and jumped on the world’s tiniest beds.  The group date arrived immediately following, and it was addressed to Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat, Nikki.

Nikki was not pleased.  She was really hoping to have a one on one this week and she did not.

Get used to it, Nikki.  You’re on a show competing for a man.  Your right to expectations went out the window when you signed on the dotted line, sister friend.

The women arrived at the group date to dance with a Korean Pop group.  Again, there were more Gangnam references.  I almost felt the need to apologize to Seoul.  Within a few minutes, ABC has reduced them to a one hit wonder that was more of a joke than an actual song.  Nice.

The girls walked in to dance with 21, a band that is apparently a really big deal.  All the girls acted all geeked out like major fans but seriously…you know that had never heard of them.  The girls started doing solo dances and Kat took herself a little too seriously.  Then Nikki took herself a little not seriously at all and started doing the sprinkler.

Again, this is why I could never hack it on The Bachelor.  Doesn’t anyone do dinner and a movie anymore?  I’m not up for solo performances with Korean pop bands.  Sorry.

The girls started learning the dance that was choreographed for them and Nikki was still very displeased.  She was angry going into the date, angry on the date, she’s just angry.  I don’t know what show she thought she was going on, but I guess it was one where she got a man all to herself and didn’t have to dance in front of people.

The girls were then told they’d be performing for a crowd later that evening.  And Nikki was SHOCKED.  Has she ever watched this show?  Because I saw that coming like twenty miles away.


The girls got ready for the big performance.  Nikki was dressed in pigtails and a cartoon cat sweatshirt (I can’t even make this stuff up) and the girls headed to a giant 5 story mall to dance for the crowd.  I have to say, it was all very confusing and a little embarrassing.

And then Kat happened.

Kat took the dancing very seriously.  So seriously, in fact, that she created her own separate dance for herself.  And she did said dance like it was her JOB.  Good for you, Kat.  Good for you.

Later in the evening, the girls headed to a tea/cocktail party with Juan Pablo.  A single red rose was on display, in case anyone forgot they were possibly headed home.


Kat the Pop Star Dancer pulled Juan aside and told him that her dad used to be an alcoholic.  While this was happening, Nikki was with the other girls…and I know this is going to shock you, but she was complaining.  I know.  Weird.  The other girls pretended to be sympathetic, but were secretly worried about how good of an influence she would be on CamEEEEEla.

So…yes.  On top of “here for the right reasons”, we will also be hearing, “not a good mom for Camilla” throughout the season.  Thanks.


Nikki finally had her much coveted alone time with JP.

It seemed to go well, he obviously likes her and she puts away her frowny face when he’s around.  At one point in the conversation, he asked how she felt about Camilla.  She told him how excited she was to meet her, how much she loves working with kids (pediatric nurse)…and then said she’s great at changing diapers.


She DOES know Camilla is potty trained…right?  Because Juan didn’t correct her and I was like dude…I know sometimes you get your English words confused, but one of the producers needs to explain to you that she wants to change your four year old’s poopy diaper.

Back at the hotel, a date card arrived addressed to…Sharleen.


Of course, Clare got super jealous and told us with great ENUNCIATION that Sharleen and JP have no chemistry.

Back at the group date, JP pulled Nikki aside to give her the group date rose.  Kat was upset that she danced for no reason, the other girls were super jealous, and I’m left wondering who the villain is going to be this season.  Sharleen?  Nikki?  BOTH??

The next day, Sharleen was getting ready for her date.  Of course, there was drama.  She doesn’t know if she’s READY for a serious relationship with him.

Homegirl is so confusing.  One minute she doesn’t like him, the next minute she’s crying…I think she’s got issues.  The end.


The went shopping in an outdoor market and ate lots of weird food.  I’ll tell you this — eating weird food on a first date is a BAD idea.  You do NOT want an emergency bathroom situation on your hands, just saying.

They then headed to a tea house where they sat at a miniature table.

And suddenly…Sharleen is crazy about him again.  SO CONFUSING.

Somehow they ended up in an abandoned little shopping center later in the evening, and he asked her to sing for him.  Aaaaannnd it was even more awkward than you’re imagining.

Much, much more.

Then they kissed.  For a long time.

Then Sharleen said she could possibly fall in love with him.  Funny how that worked.

They headed to dinner and seemed to get along well and have good conversation.  I really don’t want to like him and Sharleen together…but there for a minute, I kind of was.

Back at the hotel, the girls were busy talking about how Sharleen wouldn’t make a good mom.

Don’t even get me started on how I feel about that conversation.  Ugh.

JP and Sharleen’s conversation turned to kids.  He wanted to know how many she wanted, and she told him honestly that she really didn’t know.  He obviously appreciated the honesty because he gave her the rose.

The next day, the rest of the girls headed out for the second group date.  They met JP in the streets of Seoul with the promise of “getting CRAZY”.  That right there would be enough to make me run.

The date started with karaoke, which is apparently done in human sized dollhouses in Seoul.  Quite frankly, it was claustrophobic.

After claustrophobic karaoke, there was weird street food eating, duck boat peddling, and a place where fish ate skin off of their feet.  Seriously, Seoul has the worst dates of all time.

During the date, Clare started digging her hooks into Juan. She wanted to hang on him, sit by him, do anything possible to make the other girls hate her.  Then she told Juan she hoped they would NOT eat octopus…so he took them to eat octopus. Then everyone had to talk to her about it for like four hours while she fussed and freaked out, and I couldn’t’ help but wonder if that was her plan all along.

Finally the group gathered for an end of date cocktail party and who was at his side but…Clare.

JP pulled Renee aside for alone time and she had First Kiss in her sights.  There was a lot of awkward face staring and she finally went for it, but he gently rebuffed her, telling her he was not going to kiss anyone.  Then he tells us that he’s already kissed 6 girls, and he doesn’t want to set a bad example for Camilla.

Really?  And six is the number you chose?

Juan and Andi had alone time and basically just stared at the sky.  JP wanted to kiss her, but again, the whole “good example thing”.

Back with the other girls, Clare was basically freaking out and doing weird eyes.  She was asking who had kissed him, how did conversations go…she’s on the verge of doing voodoo with strands of his hair, if you ask me.


In a last minute act of desperation, Lauren got him alone and threw herself at him, literally ASKING for a kiss and pushing up against him. He said no, she cried, and Clare was somewhere cackling and pushing pins in a little Lauren  doll.

The next thing I knew, Lauren was crying, JP was hugging, and the girls were outside watching and speculating.  Apparently she confronted him about the fact that he kissed other girls but rebuffed her.  I guess I’m not the only one confused by the Six for a Good Example Rule.

As an aside, I wonder what shampoo Lauren uses?  I need to buy thirty seven bottles of it.

Finally, it was time for Clare’s alone time with Juan Pablo.  There was a lot of kissing, which apparently is because the no kissing rule only applies to girls JP hasn’t kissed yet.

Seriously, I wanted to throw up.  I do NOT LIKE CLARE.

Andi ended up getting the rose of the night, thank goodness.  I think it was because of the guilt JP felt over lying about kissing.

Finally it was Rose Ceremony Night.  The group then headed to a Korean Palace.  Of course, Clare was all talking like it was “her” time.  Can we get #noroseforclare trending?  Because I am OVER IT.

The girls had an agreement of sorts that the ones who DID have roses would let the ones who DIDN’T get time with JP.  This made sense to me, but I was already betting that certain girls would be breaking the rules.  Never one to disappoint, Nikki (who had a rose) decided to interrupt a very enunciated conversation between Clare and Juan.

The conversation with JP and Nikki did not go great.  He hinted at drama in the house and she got super defensive…and walked away feeling uncertain.  Clare ended up approaching Nikki and it came out that she thinks Nikki is two faced.

This is the part where I start chanting, “fight, fight fight!!” like a twelve year old.  But sadly…things fell flat before there was any real explosions.

Finally it was time to hand out roses.  Roses were given to:









Lauren and Elise were sent packing.  Elise wobbled away (was she drunk or was I imagining things?) and Lauren walked away in shame.  Newsflash, Lauren…the girl who has the meltdown doesn’t win, the end.

Also, am I the only one wondering why Lauren didn’t wear make up to the Rose Ceremony?

The episode ended with the news that they were headed to Vietnam.  Also, from the looks of things…Juan Pablo breaks his no kissing rule again, Clare had a bunch of drama…nothing surprising.

Can’t wait to watch!!

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  1. 1
    Brianna says:

    I don’t even watch the show, I like to love through the updates…. so awesome…. My favorite part….
    So seriously, in fact, that she created her own separate dance for herself. And she did said dance like it was her JOB. Good for you, Kat. Good for you.

  2. 2
    Jane K says:

    Please don’t ever stop reviewing the Bachelor – - it makes my week!!! I’m with you on everything (especially Clare … ugh) … I think Sharleen is cray-cray and felt bad for Lauren but dude wear some lipstick at least!!! Can’t wait for next week!

  3. 3
    Hayley Ryan says:

    This is my first time ever watching the bachelor and it is SO BAD IT IS GOOD. Clare is absolutely the worst. The enunciation, the permanently excited eyebrows, the chocolate breath….I just can’t.

  4. 4
    Vicki says:

    Like Brianna, I don’t watch this show either, but I get to re-live the very best parts, thanks to YOU!! Hi-LAR-ious! Love your recap….your sarcasm, your spice….who needs to real thing when you are keeping it real-er?! Keep it coming, “sister friend” !!

  5. 5
    Emily says:

    I LOVE this! You are hilarious and articulated ALL of my thoughts throughout the show. We could be friends :) Also, I’ve got my first Stitch coming next week! Super excited!!

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