Since I’m doing non alcoholic drinks on my Fridays, I decided to share a round up of fun milkshake ideas.  Partly because I’m moving, so all my smoothie and milkshake making stuff is packed in a box, and partly because ice cream is main source of dairy for this growing baby of mine.

Here are my favorites from around the internets.  Enjoy!!

I love cheesecake, so this strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Dine and Dish is basically from my dreams.

**photo from Dine and Dish

I shared these Cupcake Milkshakes on my site last summer…they taste like Funfetti Cupcakes!!  If cupcakes were made out of ice cream and blended with milk.

Ca

Can you believe I’ve never had a Shamrock Shake?  Sad.  This one is going on the list for sure!!

**photo from Recipe Boy

Snickers Milkshake?  Don’t mind if I do.

**photo from Spoon Fork Bacon

Watching your calories this Summer?  My friend Marla has a Chocolate Lover’s Skinny Milkshake that is just perfect!!

**photo from Family Fresh Cooking

And if your Friday just HAS to include some form of alcohol, Bridget has an adult version of a S’more Shake that is just perfect!!  (Call me and tell me how it tastes, will you?  Pregnancy has made me forget.  Sigh)

**photo from Bake at 350

Here’s to a weekend full of ice cream and calories!!  Happy Friday!!

Here we are again, folks.

Can you believe it?

This season we get to watch as the single mom, Emily, from Brad’s (2nd) season on her quest for a husband and a father to her daughter.

We also get to watch Emily’s teeth go along for the journey too.

Those things are capped and white and pearly…just ready to find love.

Let’s recap Emily’s situation in case you missed it the 400 times they reminded us about it Monday night:

Emily’s first fiance was killed in a plane crash.  Emily found out she was pregnant with her daughter, Ricki.

Emily decided to go on the The Bachelor.  Emily found love with Brad Womack and got engaged.

Emily and Brad broke up, because he’s a head case.

And now Emily’s The Bachelorette, which brings us to last night.

The first night is always a whirlwind.  You meet lots of people that you don’t need to remember…AND since there was no real drama to speak of let’s discuss the men in order that they arrived to the mansion…

And I’m only going to give you pictures of those who got the rose.  No need to waste bandwidth on the other guys you won’t remember tomorrow.

• Sean.  Sean is really blonde.  He is also an Insurance Agent.  That is all. ROSE.

• David.  David is this season’s “singer/song writer”.  He says that writing songs is like walking, it just comes that naturally.  He serenades us with a song that I can only guess can be called, “Emily”.  The reason that I say that is because there are no other words in the song…he just sings “Emillllllllly” over and over and over.  Just like walking.  NO ROSE.
• Doug.  Doug is a single dad of an 11 year old boy.  His son wrote Emily a letter, which of course, melted her heart.  Doug also got the first impression rose due to the letter.  Well played, Doug.  Annnd Doug kinda looks a little Brad-ish to me, you think?

• Jackson.   Jackson is a “fitness model”.  That’s it.  NO ROSE.
• Joe.  Joe gets out of the limo yelling and dancing.  He looks a little like Dawson’s Creek.  Not the Creek, just Dawson.  ROSE.

• Arie.  Aww, Arie.  He’s a race car driver.  Emily likes.  ROSE.

• Kyle.  Kyle wore a turquoise tie which was apparently enough to get a rose.

• Chris.  Ok…stating the obvious, Chris looks like a tall Gerard Butler.  AND he made bobble head dolls to resemble himself and Emily.  Kinda funny.  ROSE.

• Aaron.  Aaron exited the limo wearing (most likely fake) hipster glasses.  He tells Emily he is a Biology teacher but wants to learn if they have “chemistry” (cringe).  He then removes his glasses in what I can only assume was his sexy librarian move.  I guess it worked.  ROSE.

• Alessandro.  Allesandro is a Grain Merchant from Brazil. I didn’t even know Grain Merchants were a job?  Sounds like a profession the lead character in a fable would have, like a Candlestick Maker.  Allesandro the Grain Merchant also could not take his eyes off Emily’s breasts.  Eyes UP, man.  Emily didn’t seem to mind, though.  ROSE.

• Jef.  Jef pulls a Marty McFly and pulls up on a skateboard behind the limo.  Jef owns his own bottled water business and wears ironic denim jackets in his spare time.  Emily thinks he is super cool….I think because it’s Jef with only one “f”.  It’s kind of a known fact that when you drop a consonant in your name you are automatically hip. Also, he has Bruno Mars hair, soooo…ROSE.

• Lerone.  Poor Lerone.  All his highway jogging and pull ups didn’t win him The Bachelorette.  NO ROSE.
• Stevie.  MC Stevie shows up with a boombox, a green shirt and some Saturday Night Fever moves.  He is totally New Yawk and he got a rose.  WTF?
• Charlie.  Charlie fell off a deck and had lots of surgeries. His face is titanium, which is pretty cool.  ROSE.

• Tony.  Tony is a lumber trader, another olden days job.  Tony looks like Stanley Tucci and has a kid back at home.  Luckily he shaved his soul patch off before he met Emily, because that could have been disastrous.  Emily loves some Tucci and gave him a ROSE.

• Randy.  Randy dressed up like a Grandma, which was super awkward.  Emily isn’t a fan of Grandma’s or green shirts.  NO ROSE.
• Nate.  Well, Nate’s an accountant.  That’s all I got.  BUT Emily needs an accountant so he got a Rose!  Side note: And he basically looks exactly like the Bio teacher and the turquoise tie guy.

• Brent.  Brent showed up off the limo with a weird name tag thing to get her to remember him.  Maybe he should have lead off with “I HAVE 6 KIDS”.  I’m pretty sure she would have remembered that!  NO ROSE. Emily’s not looking for a bunch…plus dude was almost 20 years older than her.
• John.  Instant red flags with John, because he said his friends call him “Wolf”.  I think Emily forgot about the whole “Wolf” thing because she called him John during the rose ceremony, thank god.  ROSE.

• Travis.  Travis forgot his cuff links at home and decided to tryout cuffing his sleeves outside his sport coat. #fashionfail.  AND he brought an egg.  A huge egg.  The egg  symbolized “beautiful people” and he would protect the egg for the length of the “journey”.  I was totally grossed out by the fact that homes was carrying around an ostrich egg the whole time and I assume that he will for the rest of his time on the show.  I think Emily just wants to see how long it will take to the egg to make it to the skillet.  You know the ABC producers have an over/under on that one.  ROSE.

• Michael.  Michael has long hair.  Michael gave Emily a guitar pick that said “Music Mike” on it.  I’m thinking that when you’re giving girls out your “Concert Merch” you might not be there for the right reasons.  Didn’t matter to Em, though.  ROSE.

• John Paul.  Poor John Paul, the marine Biologist.  Seemed like a normal dude, didn’t have an egg, didn’t speak Spanish.  But since ABC doesn’t do normal, NO ROSE.
• Alejandro.  Alejandro is from Columbia by way of San Fransisco.  He thinks all ladies are hypnotized by his Latin language.  I guess he was right.  ROSE.

• Ryan.  Ryan is an ex-NFL payer who now teaches young kids.  Ryan will make it far in this show.  ROSE

• Kalon.  Kalon is this season’s villain.  When we first met Kalon he was channeling his inner Men in Black, and let us all know he used to be a player.  He likes to fly helicopters and decided that a chopper would be his best entrance.  Of course the men all hated him because they all secretly want to own and fly a helicopter.  Emily, was intrigued, of course, because he flies a helicopter.

Don’t you think he kinda looks like that actor who always plays the bad guy, Cillian Murphy…remember, The Scarecrow in Batman?  Seriously, next time you will totally see it!

Anyway, he got a rose…

So there you have it.  Everything you need to remember about the first episode, summed up in 25 bullets.

I have to say that I am kind of nervous there isn’t going to be a lot of drama this season…I know, that sounds sick, but you know what I mean.

But at the sneak-peek for the season there were a lot of man-tears and Emily cursing!  So one can only hope

The Bachelorette airs Monday nights at 9/8 C on ABC

Cassie, thank you so much for letting us snoop through your stuff!!

Hey Friends! I am excited to be giving you a sneak into my purse today. Thanks to Kristan and Shelly for having me. Neither of you ever fail at making me laugh!

I have a weird thing with purses in that I am snoopy. I have loved this series because I love knowing what other people carry around. Weird, sorry. While I think mine is a little boring, I am fascinated by others’ necessities. I’ve never been one to be too picky about my husband or my sister rummaging through my purse. I don’t keep anything in there that I should be embarrassed about, I think.

It’s just large and has lots of crevices and pockets. It’s large enough that I can stuff my DLSR in there when necessary and not have to also carry around my ugly camera bag. And see those pockets on the side? Perfect for an extra lens.

So here are my necessities:

Photo 1: Trader Joe’s shea butter hand cream; 18 tubes of Chapstick and/or lip gloss (there are at least 5 different kinds in there at once. It’s just real life. And only a small obsession.); clear nail polish for emergencies; hair ties, bobby pins and head bands.

Photo 2: nail file (which is kept in a different pocket than the nail polish, not sure why); Tide pen (AKA: lifesaver); dental floss; Oil-removing sheets (these are miracle workers. And now you know I have oily skin.)

Photo 3: Obsession #2: chewing gum. Always Orbit, and always a minty variety and a sweet variety. Here we have spearmint and Strawberry Remix.

Photo 4: The gum again; a glimpse of my turquoise wallet (thank you, Target) that is organized, always has cash, no credit cards and no receipts, because they are stored in their proper envelope in our organized filing system. Thank you, Dave Ramsey (I wish I was joking about all that.); my iPhone 4S, my lifeline to the social world, my backup camera, and my friend Siri.

Some business cards (both for the blog and for my real job); Pens (obsession #3); and notebooks, two of them to be exact. The one that is open is for grocery lists, to-do’s, recipe ideas, recipe notes and reminders that keep me sane. The red one is my journal where I document Bible studies, prayer, devotionals, etc. Both I keep with me all the time.

And for a little added sanity: some Trader Joe’s dark chocolate. Everyone needs some chocolate in their purse.

So that about sums it up. You should thank me for not showing you all of the crumbs and random pieces of paper that were in the bottom. I have always been baffled by all the crumbs that manage to make their way into my purse.

Thanks to Kristan and Shelly for having me, and thank you for reading about my somewhat boring purse. Hope to see you soon!

This weeks episode opened with Kathy and Rich discussing what else?  The Solstice party.  As Kathy described the fight between Melissa and Teresa, Rich finally told his wife that he was over it.  Kathy told him she felt bad for Teresa because she was going through tough times, to which Rich responded that Teresa doesn’t ADMIT to any of these tough times.  He compared Teresa to a cancer and said she needed to be removed from their life.  Kathy decided that she wanted to invite both Melissa and Teresa to her kid’s end of school pool party.

Rich warned her that if Teresa embarrassed their kids, she would never be invited back.

I have to say that he is really becoming my favorite.

Caroline and Albert were also discussing the party, and Caroline observed that Teresa hates Melissa for existing.  Albert said he wouldn’t choose teams, and he just wanted to stay out of it.  Why does it seem like he and Rich have more sense than anyone else?

Back at the Giudice home, Juicy Joe was busy showing his manliness by huffing, puffing, and sweating profusely as he hit and kicked a punching bag.  Training for prison, maybe?

Sorry, I forgot.  It’s called GOING AWAY.

Joe decided to take a break before he had a heart attack and announced that he needed to take a dump.  Wow.  I mean, just when I thought he couldn’t get any sexier, right?  Teresa decided to describe the Solstice party fight to him (he never did leave to go to the bathroom…was he holding it?).  Of course in Teresa’s version, she was nicely discussing things with Melissa when Melissa started screaming, stomping, and demanding and apology out of nowhere.  Poor Teresa!!  Joe stated that Melissa was nothing but a gold digger and a tramp.  He knew LOTS of men that Melissa had “went with” prior to her marriage to Joey, PLUS she has a horse face.

I guess lots of men like horse faces?

Joe added that Teresa’s brother should really be named JoeSEPHINE and he would gladly tell him to HIS FACE!!  Maybe that is what he was training for?  His final words of wisdom to Teresa were that Caroline is boring,  Kathy looks like a frog, and Rosie is nothing but a Butchy Boy.   All Teresa needs, he said, is him.

Obviously, Joe doesn’t own any mirrors.  That’s all I’m saying.

Meanwhile, Melissa was also discussing the Solstice party fight with her brother Joey.  Their conversation went a lot more calmly than the one in the Guidice home, with Joey shaking his head and basically saying that he wasn’t surprised.

Teresa arrived at Jaqueline’s house to work with her trainer.  It kind of reminded me of that scene in Bridesmaids, where they try to sneak and use the boot camp without paying.  Only, Kristen Wiig was really cool, and Teresa just looked like a hot mess.

Jaqueline tried to talk to Teresa about her feelings on the fight the night before, and how Teresa was putting her in the middle.  Teresa bullied her, saying that she was her friend the longest and her loyalty needed to be to her.  Jaqueline tried to explain that Teresa was still friends with Dina when she and Jaqueline weren’t speaking, and it wasn’t an issue.  Teresa then reminded Jaqueline that she is the boss of all things, can do whatever she wants, and does not have to be accountable or acknowledge anything ever.

Okay, she didn’t, but she might as well have.

During their pretend workout, Kathy called to invite Teresa to the end of school pool party.  Teresa said that although she was concerned about drama with her brother and Melissa, she guessed, she could make it.  I’m guessing she was counting the minutes until it started.

Over in Caroline land, Albert took her to the Jaguar dealer to surprise her with an anniversary car.  It was really sweet and nice, but the anniversary stuff was really getting lost in all the Solstice Melissa/Jaqueline drama.  It’s almost as though Bravo stuck it in just to prove that RHONJ hasnt turned into the Melissa and Teresa Show.

At the End of School Pool Party later in the week, almost no one showed up.  Kathy was confused, but Rich confided that he warned the kids that they would probably end up embarrassed by Teresa, so they shouldn’t invite many people.  It really kind of ticked me off with Kathy.  I know she meant well, but couldn’t she let the kids have their party without any drama?

Caroline and Jaqueline both called to tell Kathy that they couldn’t make it to the party.  Kathy got upset because she really needed potato salad, macaroni salad, and lemon ice.  But I guess that is the price you pay when you invite Teresa to your party.  Not only do your kids miss their friends, but they also have to go without side dishes and dessert.

Melissa and Joey arrived at the pool party, followed by Teresa who was without Joe.  She told Kathy that he was at some important meetings but I have a feeling he was dodging actually having to call Joey JOSEPHINE to his face.  Rosie offered Teresa some sangria, vodka, or white wine, and Teresa acted put out, wondering if Rosie could prepare her a “frozen” drink like a margarita.  Again with the mooching.  Sigh.

As Rich sat with Joey and observed the awkward silence between the families, he suggested that maybe therapy would be a good option for Joey and Melissa.  Joey immediately replied that they don’t do things that way and his parents would find it extremely disrespectful.  Apparently getting into fistfights at christenings is the more honorable way of handling things.

Joey finally decided to get to the bottom of things and called Teresa over.  Teresa approached extremely nervously, playing on her phone, dusting off the chair…anything to stall.  Her brother calmly told her that he didn’t want to fight, at which Teresa immediately stared bawling.  She said it was because she was stressed and tired of fighting, but I think she was scared of facing him after how she behaved towards his wife.

And this is where the conversation got weird, extremely creepy and awkward, and I believe we got to the truth of the whole problem Teresa has with Melissa — Jealousy to the point of inappropriateness.  Teresa started by telling Joey that he was no longer her brother because he ruined the trust when he told his wife that she had accused her of wanting to leave him for a richer man.  She said things were fine until he betrayed her trust, and that he should never tell his wife about their conversations.  She told him that if he wanted to be her brother, he needed to be the old Joey who was at her house EVERY day before he was married.  Joey asked her point blank what he had done wrong, and she replied that he changed since getting married and stopped putting her first.  She said that she always put him before her husband but when he got married, he didn’t do the same.

Let’s review:  Teresa said that she no longer has a relationship with her brother because he tells his wife everything, doesn’t come to her house every day, and doesn’t put her before his wife.  Basically, she’s mad at him for being married and she wants him to treat HER like his wife.  It’s so dysfunctional and warped that I don’t even know where to begin.

Joey, for his part, stayed very calm.  He asked her to be normal and told her she has gotten lost in life, and that she doesn’t know how to admit when she’s wrong.  There was a point when he called himself an Angel from God, which was weird, but after all the crap he’s put up with, I guess I understand that point of view.

The discussion ended with Teresa calling him the “meanest brother ever” and storming out.

Typical.

Next week looks interesting…all the families are competing in a Field Day, which I didn’t even know adults did.  It’s almost like a dysfunctional Italian episode of The Brady Bunch, complete with a Three Legged Race.  Yay!!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays on Bravo at 10/9 central.

This week I’m hoping to have more of a battle.

We’re pitting siblings against each other.
Battle of the Wilson Brothers.

Sibling Rivalry 101.

Luke vs. Owen

Let’s take a peek at Luke.

He’s probably the lesser famous of the two…why is that?

He is more conventionally handsome, yes?

He has dated some of Hollywood’s most famous…Gwyneth, Drew…

But lately he’s kind of fallen off the grid.
Where did he go??

I do have to say, though, that even if he hasn’t made a ton of big budget movies, we will always have Old School…

He even looks smokin’ in black and white.  Super important!
Hollywood…employ this man!

Now.
Let’s move on.
Owen Wilson.  You know him, you love him.
Let’s take a peek.

He has looks that are more… rugged, if you will.

Kind of like a lost puppy or something.

He has also dated some of Hollywood’s cutest…Kate Hudson, Sheryl Crow…

He’s all laid-back cool.

He’s funny too, starring in some of my all-time favorites.

Hello Zoolander and Wedding Crashers.

And he passes the black and white test.  Oh yes, he passes.

So there you go.
Who’s your Wilson?

Choose carefully.

Sadly, Mother’s Day is over.  The family is no longer waiting on me hand and foot, and they expect food on the table as usual.

Why does it have to be Mother’s DAY??  Why not Mother’s WEEK?

That totally makes more sense.

Monday:  Tuna California Club Sandwiches    It’s Monday, who feels like cooking?  Take it easy with a fresh and colorful Tuna Club.  Veggies, fish and bread.  Everything is covered.

**photo from Lauren’s Latest

Tuesday:  Family Style Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes    Is there anything more comforting?

**photo from Ezra Pound Cake

Wednesday:  Baked BBQ Chicken Taquitos    These look and sound absolutely amazing!!

**photo from Pink Parsley

Thursday:  Bistro Chicken Pasta Salad    Fresh, easy, and yummy.

**photo from Kraft Recipes

Friday:  Bacon, Egg and Asparagus Pizza    LOVE this twist on traditional pizza.  Now your pizza Friday joins Breakfast for Dinner day.  Yum!!

**photo from How Sweet It Is

Scratch that.

It’s always ok to make a cocktail like dessert.

It’s efficient.

Killing two birds with one stone, if you will.

So in the name of consolidation I bring you the Marshmallow Shooter.

Man, you’re gonna love these.

Marshmallow Shooter

serves 4

1 pint vanilla ice cream

1 cup whole milk

1/2 cup marshmallow cream (or Fluff)

1/2 cup Godiva White Chocolate liqueur

 

In a blender add all the ingredients and blend until smooth.

Serve in shooter glasses

recipe from Sandra Lee

Since seeing The Hunger Games movie twice, and rereading the book a couple of times, I fell into a very predictable sadness.

It was much comparable to the great Harry Potter Depression of 2011, but on a bit of a smaller scale since there are still a couple of movies to look forward to.  Even if I WILL be well into my mid thirties by the time this whole thing wraps up.

Several people had recommended books to me that were comparable to the Hunger Games series, which I had a bit of trouble believing.  I tried Matched and Delirium, and while both were pretty good…they were no Hunger Games.

Not even close.

After several people recommended it, I finally and reluctantly picked up Divergent by Veronica Roth.

And I LOVED it!!

Although it’s not Hunger Games, it’s an excellent and addicting story in it’s own right.  I adored the main character, who was a strong, independent girl who also has a lot of vulnerabilities, which makes her really likeable.  There is a bit of mystery, a lot of action and of course, a love story.  What I liked about the love story though, is that is is A) NOT a love triangle  and B) not an unhealthy, adolescent relationship based on co-dependence.

Like Hunger Games, Divergent takes place in a future where society is divided in the name of peace.  In this story, they are divided according to 5 virtues.  The factions are called Dauntless (brave), Candor (honesty), Amnity (peaceful), Erudite (intelligent), and Abnegation (selfless).  At a ceremony each year, 16 year olds are given an opportunity to choose to either stay in their own faction, or choose another faction to call home.

The main character Beatrice (Tris), thinks she has her whole future mapped out.  But then she makes a last minute decision that surprises everyone — including herself.

As Tris adjusts to her new life, she begins to discover that things aren’t what they seem.  Are factions really the right way to peace?  Maybe not.

This is an awesome story with lots of action.  And good news — the second book in the series came out last week, so you can pick it up as soon as you’re done with the first!!

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the series!!

I am super excited to say that Christy, from the The Girl Who Ate Everything is letting us take a peek inside her fridge!  I have been a huge fan of Christy’s from waaaay back and may or may not have done a happy dance when she agreed to let us snoop inside her life.

Christy makes amazing sweet treats like these and to-die-for savories like this.  And THIS has been on my must-make list for a while now.  I think I know my weekend dessert!

And while I kind of hate her because her fridge is way more organized than mine, I will forgive her that because she keeps a secret stash of Reese’s Cups in a box on top of it.  A girl after my own heart.

Take it away Christy…

Thanks Shelly and Kristan for having me!
I went back and forth trying to decide what to show you all the inside of. I thought about showing you what was in my makeup bag…BUT my son flushed half my makeup down the toilet while I was showering. After the plumber “snaked” the toilet, there wasn’t much left so clearly that was out.
Then I thought about showing you what was in my closet. I’ve been pregnant 4 times in the last 7 years so I have every size from 0-14 in there. The few clothes that I actually wear right now are definitely not that impressive. Unless you’re impressed by shirts that I throw in my cart while running through Target. I’m really good at spotting the cute ones while wrangling 4 kids…
So the fridge it is. In we go…
My house can be an absolute wreck with laundry up to the ceiling, but my kitchen always, always has be clean. If my kitchen isn’t clean, I can’t eat out of it. And heaven knows I love to eat. My fridge, believe it or not, looked just like this.
If you read my blog you probably think that I eat nothing but chocolate and peanut butter. While that is true on some days, most of the time we are super healthy protein eating machines at my house. Here…I can prove it!

Let’s start on top. Can you guess who drinks the Diet Dr. Pepper and who drinks the Muscle Milk? My husband doesn’t get his muscles from eating like me. He likes to keep the Muscle Milks on hand for snacks on the run.
And I like to keep miniature chocolates for my snacks on the run. I guess that explains a lot.

We buy egg whites in bulk at Costco. I love myself an omelet. Easter’s pretty much my favorite holiday with the overabundance of eggs.

I love fresh garlic but am not always patient enough to chop it up so I have this huge container of minced garlic that I will FLY through.

Seriously, more eggs. We actually usually have more than this. I’m starting to realize that we might have an egg problem. Is this an intervention?
My kids drink ketchup. We probably go through one of these huge bottles every two weeks.

See you guys! I really do eat like a rabbit. Broccoli, lettuce for salads, and carrots for snacking. Oh, and I think I see my pre-birthing hips and metabolism in the back…

Nope. Still looking…
Holy protein. Cottage cheese, ground turkey, and a pork tenderloin. I swear we aren’t on the Atkins diet. If we were, I’m sure the peanut butter cups I had after lunch we have taken me out of ketosis.

Here’s my cream cheese and butter stash. I’m obviously running a little low because I usually have four times as much in here. Time to run to the store!

Cheese sticks for the kids, turkey pepperoni for the husband, and Babybel cheese wheels for everyone. Love those things.

And if you’re wondering why they are 3 lightsabers above my fridge it’s because anytime my boys fight over something and can’t work it out, we put it up there. I’ve been fighting with my laundry all week so you might see it up there soon.
See the cardboard box? My husband teaches early morning seminary at our house and keeps the candy stash for his students up there so the kids and I won’t eat it.

I had to get it down to show you what was in there and do some quality control.
Nope. The chocolate has NOT gone bad.
Let me test it one more time…

I would show you my freezer but just imagine enough Popsicles to feed all of the neighborhood kids. Then multiply that times four.

Teresa’s ability to be a normal human #fail

Caroline’s ability to support her daughter without giving her backhanded compliments #fail

Juicy Joe’s pull-ups #fail

Kim “D”‘s white dress #fail #fail

Melissa’s inability to rise above Teresa and walk away #fail

Rosie’s mediating skills #fail

Tia’s “Solstice Party” #FAIL

So yeah, I wish you guys were sitting in my living room watching with me this week.  The whole hour-long saga was a train wreck.

It started out down at Teresa and Juicy’s shore house.  The whole gang (sans the Manzos) decided to come down and have a night on some random guy’s boat.  They all made the decision to leave the kids with Rosie and take off before anyone could catch them.  We had to sit and watch them rehash the “eye poking” incident, talk about Caroline’s potential menopausal mood swings and watch Jacqueline awkwardly stuck in the middle.  Good thing they brought 27 bottles of wine on board with them for their 2 hour trip.

Back on shore poor Rosie was trying desperately to wrangle the children.  I almost had to fast forward through this.  Just the thought of all those kids on one place gives me the beginnings of a migraine.  Rosie handled the whole situation with a few “Oh Marones” and some wine.  Girlfriend is a trooper.

Back at the Manzo casa we pop in on Caroline and Lauren talking about her Dr. Perricone smoothies and her weight loss.  Lauren says that she is down 5 pounds and is now in a size 8.  Ummm…no comment.

In Caroline’s interviews she repeats over and over how Lauren has a “great personality” but she has a “belly”.  And that she’s “not gonna lie, Lauren is NOT perfect…she needs to lose weight.”  All this on top of her brother’s telling her that her kids will be like koala bears who can only move their arms and breathe heavy.

ANNND we get to listen to her dad say that her kids will kick the butts of Christopher and Albie’s kids because they will be huge.

I, honestly, couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  Lauren is obviously very insecure about her weight and the fact that her entire family was ignoring that made me sad for her.  Even when she was saying how her boyfriend, Vito, didn’t like her body-type he just ignored her.  No one stepped in and reassured her that she is beautiful just the way she is…isn’t that what family is for?

Finally we get to the night of the Solstice party.  Jacqueline and Melissa meet up with Caroline and fill her in on the “gold-digger” comments that have been the theme for the last 3 episodes.  If you hadn’t heard, Teresa told her brother, Joe, that if a richer guy came along Melissa would leave him.

Teresa drove to the party with Kim “D” of “Posche” fame.  Kim “D” is a side character who obviously wishes she was part of the family.  She tries her hardest to get entangled in the drama and wears super tight white dresses to ensure maximum camera time.

All the ladies wore white to the Solstice party which was thrown by Jacqueline’s psychic, Tia.  We pop in on Tia giving the resident greeter-fairies directions on how to attach a “bindi” to the guests and also explains it’s significance…it’s the third eye chakra or something like that.

When everyone arrived they had that awkward “where do I sit?” moment and Caroline decided that the table wherever Teresa WASN’T was the cool table.  Let’s be aggressive by being passive is apparently Caroline’s tactic this year.

The night started to go downhill as soon as sweat got the better of  Rosie’s bindi.

I’m not sure when everyone will realize that Teresa cannot be talked to like a normal person…or any person for that matter.  Rosie attempted and failed, Jacqueline attempted and failed…

Kathy makes the keen observation that the night is one giant game of telephone, which is pretty accurate.

Finally Melissa, prompted by Jacqueline, goes over to talk to Teresa and the conversation lasted approximately 12 seconds before Teresa stormed out.  Apparently mentioning “jail” by its given name is a giant old-school Jersey no-no.  You learn something new everyday.

Kim “D” makes the unfortunate decision to run after her…I don’t think she knew the cameras would be following from behind.  Also Tia chased Teresa out to the parking lot, sensing her “Solstice Party” was about to go down in flames.

Jacqueline, feeling responsible for the drama ALSO ran after Teresa, which seemed to be the reaction Teresa was after. Teresa ordered Jacqueline to bring Melissa out to the parking lot and Jacqueline went and did it.  Jacky, please…

Melissa teetered to the parking lot in her 6 inch heels and proceeded to get into a yelling match with Teresa about gold-digging, the proper use of the word “confidence”, incestuous sibling love, children’s birthday gifts and cheating spouses.

Overall Melissa won the argument.  If you watched the argument closely (or not closely) you might have observed that Teresa is a moron.  She talks in circles and apparently can’t be happy until everyone else around her is unhappy too.  The constant deflection from her failing marriage onto Melissa and Joe’s is out of control.

While I am not sure that Joe should have told Melissa about Teresa’s gold-digging comments, the fact of the matter is, that’s his wife and he can tell her whatever he wants.  They seem happy and Teresa won’t be happy until they are as unhappy as she is.  It’s really sad to watch.  I hope Teresa can watch back with an open mind and see what the rest of the world does.

Teresa decided it was finally time to go, or at least move the car, and Kim “D” sensed her opportunity to jump in and keep it classy by telling Teresa to run over Melissa and Caroline.

A whole hour where nothing was accomplished.  Welcome to New Jersey.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays on Bravo at 10/9 C